Avenir // tyler joseph

twenty-one // i don't believe love's for me

--Tyler's P.O.V--

"Sometimes I hate being your best friend," Josh remarked as we sat in our cabin, waiting for everyone to be ready for the bonfire. "And it is only because you tell me everything and when you do something wrong, I'm supposed to yell at you for it. Courtney is engaged and yet, for some reason, I want to praise you for making out with her."

"It wasn't really a make out session," I mumbled in response as I blew passed Josh in Mario Kart.

Josh scoffed. "Was there tongue involved?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Are your lips swollen?"

I timidly reached up to touch my lips and was surprised to find that they were in fact a little bit swollen. Josh turned his head and smirked at my gesture. "Yep, it was a make out session, alright."

I sighed, heavily, reaching forward to turn off the gaming system, causing Josh to groan in frustration, considering the fact that he was beating me. I drew my knees up to my chest. My best friend gave me a look of concern. "What did Billie say other than the otp comment?"

"He kinda just giggled like a teenage girl before saying sorry for interrupting our moment. And he just left after that," I explained.

"What did you and Courtney do after he left?" Josh asked. "Did you guys continue what you were doing or?"

I shook my head. "No, Courtney and I just stared at one another, both of us trying to regain our breaths. I could tell in her eyes that she felt extremely guilty for kissing me."

"What did you feel, Tyler?"

"Um, during the kiss I felt like I was on cloud nine. Kissing her, her putting her hands in my hair, it all felt right. It all felt extremely right, like that was meant to happen. Neither one of us held back and afterwards, I sorta felt empty. I wanted her just to kiss me again and say that she chose me, that I was the one she loved the entire time. Sadly, that didn't happen."

"We just ended up talking afterwards, waiting for Pierre and everyone else to come back," I said, releasing a breath.

Josh raised his eyebrows. "What did you guys talk about? You seem shaken up about it."

I lifted my head to look at him. "Remember when Courtney tried to take her life once again like two years back?"

Josh nodded. "Yeah, you tried not to cry when you found out."

"Well, she told me why she did. After she had Benji and Bowser, she ended up developing postpartum depression on top of everything else she had wrong with her. It got so bad that she wouldn't even get out of bed some days. Pierre took care of the twins for the first couple months and he even refused to leave on Simple Plan's new tour until Winnie convinced him that she would stay with Courtney and look after her and the boys. Apparently, after Winnie put the kids down for naps, she quickly ran out to her and Seb's house to grab some fresh clothes."

"When she came back, she found Courtney on the floor of her and Pierre's room. She overdosed on a lot of pills. I mean a lot. She said she took at least five pills of every medication she had. Winnie must have came back only a few minutes after she passed out because she was rushed to the hospital in enough time to get her stomach pumped. Of course, she survived, but she was unconscious for a few days."

"Courtney even said that Pierre was so distraught that he didn't leave her side the entire time she was asleep. Winnie and Seb had to take care of both Severine and the twins for almost two weeks while Courtney recovered. Courtney also said that she could remember faintly hearing him cry and him begging for her to fight to wake up."