Blind Lycan

chapter 51

~ chapter 51 ~

"I'm not going out there. I refuse" I state stubbornly. My eyes piercing into his. He wasn't as defined as before, I couldn't see every pore on his face or every slight emotion.

I was weak.

I was a human.

"Its been 3 months lana, I know you can't stand being indoors so please..just let me carry you outside" he sighs sitting on the edge of the bed.

I had become angry, frustrated at myself constantly. I was loathing myself for not being able to move, I hated it. I was useless.

Even when I was chained up and being slowly killed off I hadn't felt so hateful. Even my brother beat me daily I hadn't been so angry.

"Carry me? Like I'm a fucking retard!" I fume. My temper has been short for the past week. I'd snapped a few times at him, but he didn't understand. The only thing I had left was my voice.

And it wasn't enough.

"Your NOT a retard Lana! The moon has chosen this punishment knowing it'll work. I wish I could switch places with you! I wish I could take away your pain! I wish I was the one paralyzed and unable to do anything!" He glared at me. His teeth were gritted and his fists were clenched, his watery eyes held pain and I looked away.

"Just leave me alone steel" I whispered. I had nothing to say.

"Your pushing me away once again Lana, I'm the only person you have left. The only person who happily take a thousand bullets to stop one hitting you. Self pitying isn't the way to go about this, take it from someone who spends half their life in the dark" the door then closed and I allowed the sobs to escape.

I couldn't wipe my face, turn over, get comfy.

I shut my eyes tightly and allowed the darkness in.

***

I woke up hours later feeling the same emptiness in me like every morning.

As I layed there for a while I thought over what angel said. I knew he was right. I knew one day I'll be healed, if I accept the punishment then I might regain the chance to feel.

But if I accept it the moon could claim me, or she could allow me to live.

But the thing is, I can heal. One way or any other. Angel never will, and no matter how angry I am at myself I know he was completely right.

I was being selfish. I was loathing myself because I constantly put my mate in pain and he never complained. I didn't want to cause him any pain, ever. But every word that passed through my lips to him as been harsh, I've been breaking his heart to ease my own anger.

I was done causing him pain.

I accept my punishment.

Even if it kills me in the process.