NICOTINE || Alex Ramos

Chapter 34

Song for this chapter: Let It Go by James Bay

My eyes fell shut and I was taken be surprise when his arm wrapped around me. "I wasn't sleeping." His tired voice echoed into my ear, making my heart inch closer to exploding. I felt as his lips met with the top of my head."I knew it was you the second you stepped into the room." "How?" I mumbled half asleep."Your perfume has been haunting me for months." He admitted, his grip around me tightening.

Sarah's P.O.V
"What if I told you I think I'm in love with Alex and I'm going to tell him tonight?" my voice filled the silent kitchen as Lauren and I prepared random snacks for ourselves.

"I'd say that it's too late, that the time for shipping Alex and Sarah has sailed and sunk multiple times." Lauren truthfully spoke as she focused on her current task.

"Harsh." I glanced over at her and she shrugged, still paying all attention to the knife and piece of food in her hand.

"The two of you were never good together." she was right, but she was wrong. She was wrong because...because...

Why was she wrong?

Maybe she wasn't.

"I thought you of all people would understand." I sighed.

A few quiet minutes passed before Lauren broke the tension.

"Are you two still going out tonight?"

"Yeah," I answered. "I told him I had something to tell him."

-

"So how has Dartmouth been treating you? How is the college life?" Alex tried to create small talk as we both picked at the appetizers we were sharing.

"It's been good," I swallowed. Yes, we were never the kind of people to care when one of us was talking with their mouth full. "It's not as great as I was expecting, but I like it. I got an awesome roommate and the parties are decent. Therefore, I can't complain." I chuckled.

I watched as he glanced down at his lap awkwardly smiling, before looking back up at me.

"I found a place near Boston you know, that's only a couple hours from Dartmouth." he said.

It seemed as though I only paid attention to that one sentence before the gears in my head began to turn.

This is deciding his future, I couldn't guarantee whether me and Alex would make it.

Decision day had come, it was time to grow up and do the mature thing.

If I truly loved Alex, I had to let him go.

"You should stay here." I forced out the painful words just as much as I forced the fake small smile upon my face.

I tried to ignore the tears that were pushing at the back of my eyes as he continued to speak.

"Um- there's a lot of job offers there." he added

"To be honest, all the jobs suck out there." I tried to stop him from getting his mind set.

"Well on the weekends, we-" I cut him off.

"I'm always swamped on the weekends." I blurted out.

He looked down, the corners of his lips falling just like his head.

"Oh," it sounded dull, he sounded hurt.

"So what are we doing here? What did you want to tell me so bad?" he furrowed his eyebrows, changing the subject.

In that moment, I remembered how Lauren told Alex to let me go because he had his chance.

I finally understood why Lauren did what she did that night, and I could forgive her.

Now I was the one withholding major information from Alex, that I loved him.

But would I ever forgive myself for letting him go?

"I missed you." I tried to smile a believable smile.

"I just wanted to say that I...um...I hope we can remain really close friends once we stay this many miles apart." I said.

He sent me a half smile as I hoped the dim lighting in this restaurant was doing a good job at hiding my drowning eyes.

-

He drove me back to Lauren's at the end of the night and stopped the car out front.

I removed my seatbelt and turned my body in his direction.

"That was fun." I spoke for the first time during the quiet car ride.

"It was fun." he smirked.

"Night." I sighed with an odd smirk in return as I got out of the car.

"Goodnight." he nodded his head as I shut the passenger side door.

I don't think I was meant to see the way his face fell before I faced the direction of my path.

I stopped at the door and turned back to look at him.

With tears beginning to erupt in my eyes and blurring my vision, his smile returned when I waved him goodbye.

He returned the gesture right after and as I began turning around once more, I noticed his face change again.

His hand found the steering wheel and he sucked in a sharp breath.

I turned my attention to the doorknob and spaced out until I heard the sound of his car leaving.

I made my way inside and Lauren came into view and began to worryingly walk towards me.

I struggled to get any air into my lungs as the tears finally let loose.

She rushed over to me and immediately wrapped her arms around me.

"I couldn't say it..." I sobbed into her shoulder as she rubbed at my back while I continued to search for the oxygen I was being deprived of.

A/N: Not gonna lie, this chapter stabbed me right in the heart. I hope you all enjoyed. Please comment what you thought about this chapter and what you think may happen in the next upcoming chapters. Your comments are my favorite and they make my day. Love you all xoxo