Honor (Kickstarting My Heart # 1) (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

11~ Here Not There

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into a month before I saw Andy again. I had been running an errand for my mom at the store and had literally ran directly into him.

"I'm so. . . Andy?" He didn't even look like the same guy I had seen at the party a month ago. His black hair had grown and he had some stubble on his face. Not to meantion that his beautiful eyes had dark bags under them and his lips were chapped.

"Hey, Ari." He said quietly, reaching down to pick up the bread I had dropped.

"Where have you been? You haven't been showing up to school and. . ."

"My parents are homeschooling me right now. Coach thinks it's better for me." I smiled and nodded, moving so that I was standing in line.

"That's good." I mumbled.

"Yeah. I heard you and Ryan made it offical?" I could feel heat rush to my cheeks as I grinned.

"He asked me a couple days ago. Nothing fancy. We were just at his house for dinner and we went up to his room." He winced, his eyes darkening.

"That's great." He whispered.

"It sounds like your stuttering has gotten better." I stated. He nodded.

"It gets pretty bad when I'm upset, though. My mom's been taking me to therapy and all that crap." I nodded, looking away as I set the bread and milk on the counter.

"Andy, why haven't you been talking to me? You said we could be friends and. . ."

"Why the hell would you want to be friends with me after what I did?" He cut me off, his nails digging into the bag of chips he was holding.

"You were drunk, Andy. You were drunk and depressed. You weren't thinking. . ."

"Stop excusing what I did. It was. . . it was horrible. I was a monster. Who in their right mind tries to rape someone?" He snapped, shaking his head.

"Andy, please stop torturing yourself. I'm not excusing you, but I don't want you to fall into a depression because of a mistake. You didn't do anything, you stopped yourself." He snickered.

"Stop, Ariel. Please. Don't try to forgive me." He started to walk away.

"Why? Andy, I love you and. . ."

"Because right now, I can't even forgive myself."

****

"Are you all right, Ariel?" Ms. Dunn asked. I nodded, trying to smile.

"I'm fine, Ma'am. Just a little tired." I lifted my head off of Ryan's shoulder as he reached for his keys on the table.

"I'll take you home then." He said with a half smile. We walked out of the house in a comfortable silence that lasted most of the way back to my house.

"What's up, Ari? You've been distant all night." Ryan finally broke the silence, giving me a sideways glance.

"Nothing, Ryan. I'm fine. I. . . I just ran into Andy at Wal-Mart this morning." Ryan stayed quiet so long that I started to wonder if he would reply.

"What did he do?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"He didn't do anything. He. . . he doesn't want anything to do with me. I understand that he was drunk and in the wrong state of mind, why can't he. . ."

"Because he already blames himself for Bren's death, Ari. He feels like crap for doing what he did to you. My aunt says they have him on like four different medications and he is seeing a therapist." I stared in shock as Ryan parked the car.

"I think that you should let him work everything out. I don't want him lashing out and hurting you again, babe. He's dangerous." If someone had told me that Andrew McLaughlin was dangerous a few months ago, I would have laughed in their face. Andy would never hurt a hair on anyone's body, he even felt bad when he hit a bird with a rock when he was ten. He was sweet and caring, it had been one of the reasons I had fallen in love with him.

"So you think my Andy is gone?" I questioned, my eyes burning for the hundredth time tonight.

"Okay, Ari. We need to talk about a few things right now. If we," He gestured toward me then himself, "are going to date, I don't want to hear you talk about Andy like that again. He doesn't matter anymore, not in that way. Ari, I like you and I believe that deep down you like me too. Just let Andy go and move on." I bit down on my lip so hard I could taste copper in my mouth. Ryan stared at me, obviously expecting a response.

"I just want to go to sleep." I finally replied, looking out the window and toward my house.

"Ariel. . ."

"Are you going to walk me up to the door?" I cut him off, not wanting to continue the conversation.

"Yeah." He finally muttered, giving up. We climbed out of his truck and he grabbed my hand.

"We still need to talk about this." He stated. I nodded, not meeting his intense gaze.

"I know, Ry. I just don't want to tonight." He gave me a smile as we stopped in front of my door. I could see my dad stand up from the couch out of the corner of my eye.

"Goodnight, My Little Mermaid." He whispered, pulling me into a hug. I could help but smile at what he said.

"I'm not a Disney character, Ry. Plus I don't have red hair." He chuckled, his whole chest vibrating against me.

"You will always be my Mermaid." He kissed me gently as the door swung open.

"That's enough. Time to come in, Ariel." I rolled my eyes at my dad and turned back to Ryan. He had straightened and still held my hand in his own.

"I'll see you tomorrow, love." Ryan kissed the top of my hand like a gentleman before saying goodbye to my dad and jogging back down the driveway.

"You really like him, don't you?" My dad asked as we watched Ryan pull away.

"I don't know, Dad. I. . . I think I might but. . ." My dad's hand on my shoulder cut me off.

"It's time to get over him, Ari. That boy, Ryan, seems to have his head on straight. He's good for you." I gave my dad a tight smile before slipping passed him and into the house.

"Ariel, stop this. Stop acting like we aren't talking to you. Andrew is never going to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Andrew is a good kid, he really likes you. Please just give him a chance, try and forget about Andy. I know it may be hard," My dad stopped and grabbed my hand, "but I know your tough, baby girl. You can do it." I sighed, my throat dry.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I. . . I will. I promise." He smiled and ruffled my hair.

"Now get to bed, honey. It's late and you have school tomorrow." I kissed my dad's cheek and rushed up the stairs. I stopped in front of Brendan's room and reached for the door knob to close the door.

"I wish you were still here." I said, looking around the room. My eyes fell on the Letterman jacket laying on the bed. Andy's Letterman. I stared at it for a minute before shaking my head to myself and shutting the door as gently as I could.

"I'm letting go now, Bren. Of you, of Andy." My voice cracked, and I quickly covered my mouth so my parents couldn't hear me. I walked back toward my room and fell on to my bed, reaching for my stuffed bear that Bren had bought me in third grade when I had gotten straight A's.

"I don't want to let go." I cried in hushed whisper, burying my face against the bear.

"I don't want to let go." I repeated, feeling my heart shatter for what I hoped was the last time.

***AN***

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~ChasingMadness24