Suicide Club

Chapter Nine

THE BOY THAT HEARS THINGS THAT AREN'T THERE

wednesday

once i heard the news, the voices started:

you should have been the one to die

you don't deserve to live

alex was so much better than you

you worthless piece of shit

kill yourself

i lay on my bed and begin to cry. i knew i would get bad again. and i didn't want to get bad again. soon the visual hallucinations start. the first being a memory of my aunt from when i was ten.

"calum come see aunt mary, i know you love her!" my mom yells from down stairs. i walk down and see her smiling face at me. i immediately hug her. my aunt was such a good person. but she died because of me. she was on the way to get my christmas present and crashed her car.

before it happened, we were both in my room. i was laying on the bed with no pants on, her hands rubbing up and down me. at the time i did not understand. but my aunt was such a good person.

after this first hallucination, i cry harder and harder. in my shaky hand, i find my phone. i dial my sister's number. right now she is away at college.

"cara, if aunt mary died while trying to get my present, technically that means i killed her? right?" i cry into the phone.

"calum, no!" i hear her say. she whispers something to someone.
i cry and cry. soon i hang up the phone. i walk to the bathroom and find the first pill bottle i reach. i down the continence of the bottle. i feel sick to my stomach. but i do not throw up. feeling woozy, i stumble to my bed and lay down. soon everything becomes dark.

a horrible bright light flashes in my eyes. i open my eyes to see a mostly white room. an iv is in my arm. i recognize this as the hospital. my parents notice im awake and rush to my side,

"calum, why didn't you tell us you were getting bad again?" she cried.

"i didn't know i was getting bad again. the voices, they were going away. my heart, it hurts. mom. it hurts. first, i killed aunt mary. then i killed alex. and now i cannot even look at the girl i love." i wail out.

before they can respond a doctor walks in.

"calum, ive talked it over with your parents and you're going to stay here with us we are going to help you. okay?" she says.

i nodded.

"you are going to go to Rosta-Farca, okay?" she continued.

"i can't go to Rosta-Farca, my friends i have to get back to them." i plead.

i heard about the Rosta-Farca kids on the tv. i didn't want to be like them. then she takes the iv out and leads me to a different part of the hospital, which i assume is Rosta-Farca. she gives me a room and some sweatpants and a tshirt.

soon, someone comes in and gives me a tour. they have a food court, library, and recreation room. the boy who gave me the tour was named charlie. he was very nice.

then, the doctor calls me into a room.

"so who was your aunt mary?"

"well she's my aunt." i said.

"what was she like?" the doctor asked.

"My aunt mary drank a lot. My aunt mary took drugs a lot. My aunt mary had many problems with boys. She went to hospitals all the time, but she was so good. i liked her a whole ton." i told her.

"do you know why she did that?" the doctor asked.

"not sure." i answered.

"let me tell you: Growing up, your aunt mary was molested by a friend of the family. When she finally told her parents, they didn't believe her. They did nothing to stop it, and even continued inviting the man into their home. Eventually, aunt mary grew up and got away. But of course, the trauma stayed with her." she explained.

i suddenly started to cry. the tears were hot and sticky.

"i have to leave. i cannot stay here. my friends will wonder were i am. i have to do something on friday." i said, remembering.

"im sorry calum, you need to stay. did your aunt mary ever touch you inappropriately calum?" she asked.

"i don't know." i responded.

two days