Lost Love

28. Conflict Resolution

‘Do you want me to do it for you?’ He asks, raising an eyebrow at me. 

I nod and take my top and shorts off, revealing my bikini. His eyes glance to my chest, then down to my stomach, before staring at my bikini bottoms. I take a look at his trunks and raise my eyebrow at him. He grins at me and says, ‘That’s not the only thing that’s raised.’

After letting his hands wander over my body to apply the suncream, I lower myself completely into the pool, before resurfacing and watching him do the same. He swims over to me and pulls me to his hips, before pulling us over to the edge of the pool and smiling at me. I love his smile. His smile is one of his best features. I let my fingers trace his jaw line before tracing his lips and smile back at him.

‘I don’t want us to be happy and then start talking about everything,’ he begins. ‘So shall we get it out of the way?’

I shrug, before pulling away and doing a few gentle lengths of the pool to loosen up my arm, before rejoining him on the sun loungers. We manage to fit on one of them, facing one another before he begins. 

‘I guess I’ll go first.’ He rubs his hands together a few times before saying, ‘I really hated you being with Leon. I cannot explain how much I hated seeing you kissing. Do you get how that feels now? Knowing how you felt when you found out about Emma? I felt that but for an even longer period of time.’

I grimace at the mention of her name. Emma. The girl who seamlessly stole Ozzy away from me. I truly never thought she would succeed in her mission. 

‘But what you did, you did it out of spite,’ I snap at him, unable to contain my pain. ‘That’s what hurts the most, you did it because you knew it would hurt me. And you didn’t just kiss, you almost had sex. Sex, Ozzy. Sex was so special to us, to me. You were my first and I know I was your second, but now you’ve added her to your list and it kills me. Knowing she finally got her hands into you and was so intimate with you, it hurts. It hurts a lot. And yet, I can’t help but still have feelings for you. We’ve been through so much and I still have feelings for you, even after all this hard stuff.’

‘What about love?’ He questions. ‘You have feelings for me, but do you love me still?’

I pout at him, upset that he has to ask. ‘Of course I love you, stupid! I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you. I wouldn't have gone up to Leeds on my own if I didn't love you. I love you so much, it’s just, it’s tough, knowing you did that with Emma and that was because of me. It was all because of me and that makes me so mad, you know? It was all because I lost my memory that this has all happened. It’s my fault.’

‘Please don’t blame yourself for my actions. It was my fault, but whatever has happened, has happened, what’s important is that we are here now and we’re going to get over this. That’s if you want to?’

‘Of course I want to. I just don’t think it’ll be easy easy as you think it will be.’

‘Of course not. I have that picture of you and Leon kissing ingrained in my brain. I saw it with my own two eyes.’

‘Well I have to imagine you with Emma doing what you did and that’s even worse,’ I snap, before closing my mouth. ‘Sorry. It’s just tough to think about.’

‘Then don’t. Please don’t because it really wasn’t what you are thinking.’

‘What am I thinking?’ I challenge and he bites his bottom lip .

‘It wasn’t like how we do it. It was just oral sex. It wasn’t anything special. It was just physical reactions. It was completely different to us.’