I Don't Want to Remember

Family

January 26, 2013

I wish I can find a reason why I've been experiencing this kind of pain and loneliness. I wish I can. But there's none. I don't think I deserved any of the humiliation and bullying. It was all because of her. I hate her. I never thought I can hate someone as strong as this. But I do. I hate her so much.

February 3, 2013

I thought she's being genuine when she offered me her handkerchief. I was crying hard in the cafeteria when she did. I was so dumb not to check it. When I was about to use it on my face, some of her friends chuckled from their table. I didn't mind them, I focus on those beautiful brown orbs that's been staring at me. I got lost. So I used the piece of cloth in my hand. How can someone be so cruel? It's late when I realized what they did. They decided to put some mayonnaise and coleslaw at the inner fold of the handkerchief. I'm stupid. I'm so stupid. They're right. I'm stupid and a loser.

February 5, 2013

I wanted to change school. I really wanted to. But our life is here. Chris and Taylor loves this place. They don't have any problems with their school. I can't be selfish. 4 years. Just 4 years. You can do this Lauren.

February 13, 2013

The bullying is not as frequent at it was. Papa J finally heard my prayers and this is not the best part of this entry. Someone asked me out on a date. It was James Gavin. He's a basketball player on our school. He's really cute and a gentle man. I said yes, I just don't see a reason why not. Wish me luck for my first ever date!

February 14, 2013

He didn't come.

February 18, 2013

It's her again. She asked how my date went last February 14 and she laughed so hard. I wanted to cry. But I didn't. Not in front of her friends. Not in front of James. I hate her.

February 22, 2013

I met 2 amazing girls at the mall. They were Dinah and Ally. They tried making friends but I don't think I can trust them that easily. Especially after all that has happened. What if they're just KC's friends? KC. This is the first time I mentioned her name on this journal. Ugh. I hate her.

March 1, 2013

I'm tired. I wanted to quit. I'm sorry.

March 29, 2013

I cut myself. I've been cutting myself. It's wrong. But it has been my escape. I'm sorry. Other than this loneliness, wanted to feel something. Mom, Dad, Taylor and Chris I know they're concern. I can't put them this kind of pain. I should stop.

"Laur.. Baby.. Diner's ready." Lauren's journal reading got interrupted by her mom's voice.

"Yes mom, just a sec.." Lauren has been writing her journal since the bullying started. This gives her space to vent out all her feelings. She finds it therapeutic to write all her thoughts instead of drowning herself into depression. She already experienced it and she hope not to experience it again. Lauren decided to join her family over diner.

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"Baby! What happened yo your arms?"
"Honey, who did that?" Lauren's parents uttered almost at the same time.