Making Babies #NewAdult

~Thirty~

          I stared at my hands, stained by Mrs. Winslet's blood as the paramedics lifted her up to put her in the ambulance. Around me, I heard many voices speaking all at once but yet, they seemed so distant, so far away. I felt removed from everything and everyone, my body physically present but my mind? Well my mind was running away as fast as it possibly could.

          This wasn't happening. It really wasn't. Maybe if I kept thinking that, maybe then things would be different and my hands wouldn't be bloodied, and I wouldn't be sitting next to a pool of blood while people around kept whispering nothing that I could hear or truly understand.

         Mrs. Winslet, the woman that had opened her arms and her heart warmly to me without any judgments, without any questions is now lying in an ambulance, her body getting colder by the minute.

         "Ma'am? Ma'am?" I heard very faintly coming from somewhere behind me which took me out of my own head.

           I shook my head slightly and turned to meet a concerned looking man standing above me. "I'm sorry, what?" I asked, still not fully present.

          "Ma'am, I said the dog is being taken to a vet hospital, we are also taking her to the hospital now. Would you like to come with?" The younger man with green eyes spoke in a quiet and soothing voice. He voice sounded strangely familiar but I was in no space to analyze it.

         "Uhm..." I started but not able to finish my thoughts. What was I supposed to say? Oh well, of course I would like to come with, I would like to sit in this ambulance with my dead family member and hope that by the time we arrive at said hosptial, a miracle would happen and my dear friend wouldn't be so dead anymore, she wouldn't be so cold anymore, she wouldn't look so sad anymore.

           I smiled. "Uhm..." I tried again, realizing then that I'm incapable of finding those simple words to answer this simple question. Why was it so hard?

           "Ma'am? We really have to go. If you want, you could follow us there." He said again, looking back for a second at the ambulance and at the other EMT standing near by. I took the time to study him. I shook my head, sandy blonde hair and green eyes met mine.

            "I..." I started. "I don't know what to do?" I looked at him and held his gaze. "I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what is happening, why it's happening and what to do and I can't think of anything meaningful to say right now." In front of me, the man who by now I was certain I had met  before, became blurry and a second later, I felt the wetness on my cheeks.

           I looked down at my hands again as if they were not real, and looked back at him even more confuse, the desperation starting to build in me by the second.

           "I don't know what to do," I kept my eyes locked on him, unable to look away as if somehow I could get the answers that I was looking for in them. "I don't...," I whispered, my words trailing as he kneeled next to me, purposely trying to avoid the blood on the floor.

          "Please, just tell me what to do?" I begged, my voice quivering. I was lost, so very lost that I need a complete stranger to help me pull through.

           I felt his warm hands as he placed them on my blood stained ones and looked down at them, realizing at that very moment that they were shaking, maybe had been shaking for awhile now but I was so out of it that I didn't know.

          "What's your name?" He asked.

           "Eva." I answered. I thought i had met him before, but now I wasn't so sure.