Unforgivable Mistakes

| Chapter 9 |

 A little over a week had passed since I'd gotten back home, and I hadn't spoken to anyone--Not even my brother. He, along with our parents and Lillian, had attempted to reach out to me, knocking on my door, even ringing my phone--even though we were in the same house-- but I shut them all out. I knew they were all worried about me, and I assumed they thought I just didn't want to speak to family members, because they even called Brianne over, but I didn't let her into my room, either. I'd long ago shut off my phone, not wanting to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone, that much was obvious. I had only come out of my room about three times that week, and even those times I did go out to get some water or whatever, I made sure no one was home.

Even though I silently told myself that I was fine and that everything would slowly turn back to normal, I knew those were both lies. That past week, I'd gotten little to no sleep, and those very rare nights that exhaustion would take over my body and I'd fall asleep, I would wake up in the middle of the night, forehead dripping with sweat, my breathing ragged, and my entire body trembling as the scenes from the nightmares I'd been having flashed before my eyes, and each night, I silently fell apart. Each and every nightmare was in a different place-- Either the woods, an abandoned house, or even an alley, but the same thing happened, regardless of where it was at. And the worst part was that it was so vivid, it was as if I was reliving everything all over again, each and every night. It'd gotten to the point where I was actually afraid of falling asleep. It was enough to have to actually live through it once, but every single night was pure torture.

As I glanced at myself in my bathroom mirror, I noticed how much weight I'd lost that past week, obviously due to my lack of food. I'd already started eating less before everything that happened because I thought I was gaining weight, but the reason behind me not eating now was most likely due to depression. And that was one of the many reasons why I didn't want to come out of my room. I didn't need anyone noticing how much more skinnier I'd gotten, because I was sure that they'd all freak.

Currently, due to the sounds coming from outside, I knew only Vincent was home. Faint gun shots were heard to my room, due to the fact that my brothers' room was right across from mine, and I instantly knew he was playing that stupid game of his, Call Of Duty. Lillian had recently been going out very frequently, which indicated that she'd somewhat moved forward with her normal life. And something like envy burned inside my stomach, but I quickly shook off that feeling, knowing it was absurd to feel envious of my little sister. Sure, a lot more'd happened to me, and sure I wouldn't be able to move on that easily. . .But I was happy that it was different for my sister.

All of a sudden, it hit me how much I really missed my brother, how much I needed one of his comforting hugs. And just like that, nothing made sense anymore. I didn't understand why I'd chosen to push everyone away. . .My best friend, my brother, they could have been there for me. Why had I chosen to go through all of it alone? I didn't have to tell them everything, I just needed them to be there for me. Realization took over me, and I dropped my head to my hands, muttering to myself about how stupid I was. While I was inside the horrible, dirty cabin, all that practically went through my mind was how I wanted to see my brother, to have him hold me as I cried and tell me everything was going to be okay like when we were little. And yet the first thing I'd done when I got home was lock myself away for a week without speaking to anyone.

I padded my way over to my bathroom once again, taking in my careless reflection. My hair was all over the place, my cheeks were red and swollen, and there were still some faint tear streaks visible on them. My body was clad in a plain white tank top, and just underwear. Carefully, I brushed through my long, dark locks of hair, throwing it up into a messy bun afterward, shrugging as my effortless attempt at not looking like a complete zombie somewhat worked. I washed my face, successfully getting rid of some of the reddening, but I didn't really care about that. I then rushed to my drawers and picked out some sweatpants and a big sweater, putting them on as quickly as I could and finally exiting my bedroom for the first time in around two days, walking across the hall to my brother's room, which had the door slightly open, much to my surprise. Hesitantly, I pushed it open completely, the door creaking in response, making Vincent jolt out of his chair in surprise, his eyes widening as they landed on my small frame. 

"Ara?" He breathed, his voice filled with surprise. "You came out of your room."

I nodded slightly, my gaze lowering to the ground as I sighed. "Yeah. . ." My voice was raspy, foreign to my own ears.

"C'mere," He mumbled, sighing as I didn't even hesitate to fall into my brother's familiar, comforting arms. "I missed you so much, little sister," He told me, his hands rubbing circles on my back as I let a few tears shed onto his black T-shirt.

"I missed you, too, Vince," I said, my voice coming out strained, shaky. "So much."

After our little hug, Vincent decided that we should watch a movie before we got, and I quote, "Too overly sappy." But I agreed, actually looking forward to spending time with him as I knew it would distract me from my thoughts, which was something I was in dire need of, after spending a whole entire week by myself, left alone to my horrid thoughts. We both agreed on the movie John Wick--since both Vincent and I shared a love for action movies-- and after he prepared some snacks for us, we sat on the soft carpet of my room, the both of us lost in the movie already. Sadly, midway through the movie, my eyes began getting droopy, and I found myself allowing for my head to rest on my brother's shoulder as my body drifted to sleep.

* * *

His green gaze fell on my slightly exposed body in the middle of the dark, solitary alley. Last I remembered I was with my friends, but somewhere in the crowded club we'd all been in, I had lost them and found myself wondering out of the loud building filled with drunk, sweaty, wild people doing all sorts of things. I didn't remember how I ended up in that alley, but shivers ran up my spine as I found myself alone in the middle of it, with a guy that looked to be around four or five years older than me running his eyes up and down my body in a way that brought unease to my stomach, my breath hitching as he made his way toward me in long strides. I felt trapped, a voice in the back of my head mocking me as I just knew that there was no escape. Before I could even decipher what was happening, he was already pinning me against a wall, his hands feeling all over my body, eventually ripping off my dress. Tears spilled from my eyes as I pleaded for him to stop, but he wouldn't, his lips forcefully pressing down against mine. . . .

"Wake up, Ara, it's just a dream!" A faint, slightly panicked voice yelled.

I suddenly jolted awake, my breaths coming out in pants as I sat there in shock, my eyes wide as I hugged my knees to my chest, rocking myself back and forth as tears streamed down my face. I was only aware of Vincent's presence when he placed his hands on my shoulders, his concerned eyes looking into my own frightened ones. I tried to control myself, to stop crying, to prevent myself from fully breaking down, but I was physically unable to do it. And once I felt his strong arms wrap around me, I began sobbing into his chest as he gently stroked my hair, resting his chin on top of my head. 

"No!" I cried, not able to stand my own brother's hands on my body at that moment. "Don't touch me."

I felt Vincent's hold around me tighten as he said, "It's okay, Ara, I'm not gonna hurt you. I never would."

And I found myself melting into his familiar arms, his touch eventually becoming comforting.

Author's note:

Medium sized chapter up in 24 hours. That's a record. This chapter is actually intended to be short, as it was meant to be focused toward Arabelle's hard time/ nightmares after everything that she's been through, and Vincent's support. It was sort of a filler, but definitely necessary. Don't worry, though, this will get very interesting soon((:

Song of the day: Control by Halsey

1,528 words,

Natasha Carbonell.