Unforgivable Mistakes

| Chapter 6 |

The only thing that went through my mind each excruciating second, minute, and hour that passed were that man --Dean's-- grimy hands all over me as he mercilessly raped me. Despite how hard I tried to take it out of my mind, I just couldn't. I felt dirty, and I wanted nothing more than to scrub away the feeling of his hands all over my body, to erase the sound of his heavy breathing that seemed to replay inside my head like a broken record. . .To forget everything that had happened that night. And the more time that passed, the more I realized that I'd lost the will to live. I began asking myself how I would be able to continue with my normal life after all of this was over, I asked myself if I'd even be able to feel normal again. And I wanted nothing more than to be normal again, but deep down, I knew that it'd be an extremely hard--If not impossible- thing to accomplish.

That night, after her initial shock, Lillian had crawled to my side to comfort me. She held me, and I cried on her shoulder for the longest time, and that was mostly how we remained for hours on end. I didn't know how she'd untied herself, maybe it'd been Dean that untied her after he put his clothes back on, but that was really the last thing I even had the energy to take notice on, considering what'd just happened to me. Eventually, Lillian fell asleep on the grubby wooden floor, and I was left alone to my thoughts.

I probably looked like a maniac as I thought about how much I hated that guy, Dean, for doing what he did to me. He'd ruined my life, scarred me for life, and all because of what? A need for a distraction? To take out his anger, somehow? To torture me? Maybe he hadn't been thinking straight at the moment? I had noticed some hesitance... And maybe even a glint of regret in his eyes after it was over. I tried to come up with an explanation as to why he'd done that to me, but I just couldn't know for sure. And I didn't care. No possible reason could justify what he did. Couldn't have he gone off to have sex with someone who actually wanted it? Despite of how much of a monster he'd proven me to be, he was attractive. I'm sure he could've found someone. The amount of hate I felt for him was so strong, I even contemplated killing him with my own hands. He deserved it for everything he did to me. He deserved to die.

Hours seemed to drag by so slow, for me, at least. Maybe it was due to the fact that I couldn't sleep, the need to simply get out of that nasty room, or maybe it was due to the thoughts I'd been having. But I just wanted out, and the thought of having to maybe wait days for my father to get their stupid money from the bank was unbearable.

The doorknob jiggled, and I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest. My hands began to shake, the feeling of dread spread over every single fiber of my being, and my eyes widened as I waited to see who was going to come in. I hoped it wasn't him, I didn't want to see him ever again, though I knew sooner or later I was going to have to face him. Thankfully, though, it wasn't going to have to be at that moment, because the door opened, revealing the other guy--who I still didn't know the name of. In his hands, were some clothes, and a bottle of water. I shut my eyes, releasing a shaky breath and wrapping my shaking arms around my knees, as if that would somehow hold me together.

He cleared his throat, and I opened my eyes to see his own lit with sympathy as he took hesitant steps toward me. "What my brother did to you was way out of line. . .It's not something he would do, I don't know what he was thinking," He said, sighing as his eyes roamed my frail figure. I wondered what he thought of me, the pathetic girl who they'd kidnapped and had been raped by his brother just hours prior, and was then sitting there, minutes from falling apart all over again as she remembered everything that happened. "Anyway, I'm sorry."

"I don't need your pity," I managed to choke out, my hoarse, broken voice foreign to my own ears. I cleared my throat, gulping as I felt tears beginning to stream down my already tear streaked cheeks. "What could you possibly want? Because if you just came here to apologize for that horrible excuse of a man, you can go ahead and leave me the fuck alone, because you're not the one that needs to apologize." I, myself, couldn't believe those words had come from my mouth-- The girl I was just a few days ago would've never spoken to anyone that way, but I guess that girl was dead now.