ever since we met // r.r [✔️]

Chapter 4: What Is Love

~~|Ryan's POV|~~

From: Brendon
Y/n is taking her anxiety medication again

What have I done?

To: Brendon
this is all my fault!!!

From: Brendon
no, ryan, she's giving herself anxiety. she thinks there's someone else you like

To: Brendon
she hates me doesn't she

Brendon took a couple minutes to reply this time.

From: Brendon
I just asked her. she doesn't hate you, she loves you like a lot. i gotta go she's crying again. sorry, ry

To: Brendon
It's fine. tell her that i love her, not that she'll believe me

      I sent the final message. I rolled over onto my stomach and smashed my face into my pillow and groaned. How the hell am I supposed to focus when we go on tour? I feel like I'm drowning in guilt.

~~|1 Week Later|~~

      I woke up and I had no clue where I was. Then I remembered, I was in a tour bus and on tour. I turned on my phone to check the time.

10:49, ugh

"Hey, Ry!" Brendon exclaimed, popping his head into my bunk

"Jesus Christ! You scared the living shit out of me!" I exclaimed

"Oops. Sorry." He apologized

"Hey, look who's up." Spencer teased

"Mess off." I groaned

      I slid out of my bunk, being careful not to hit my head, and grabbed a box of cereal of some sort and the milk from the fridge. I made myself a bowl of cereal and brought it to the couch. I sank into the couch and contently ate my cereal. Jon plopped down onto the couch and turned on the tv. I blankly stared at the floor as I shoveled my cereal into my mouth. I was actually hungrier than I thought. I finished my breakfast and washed my bowl and spoon. I grabbed some clothes and walked to the, very small, bathroom and changed. I walked back over to my bunk, throwing the clothes I wore to sleep on it, and I grabbed my phone.

No notifications

I sighed. All the guys were sitting on the couch, which was fairly large, with an exception of Zack, our bodyguard.

"We should be in our first city tomorrow at about noon." Zack stated, from the drivers seat

Everyone responded with "ok"

I sat down on the couch next to Brendon

"Call her." Brendon simply stated

"She's not gonna answer." I said

"Use my phone, she'll definitely answer." He said, handing me his phone

I opened the phone app and started to dial y/n's phone number until her contact came up. I clicked the green button that started the call.

She picked up after the first ring

"Hey, Bren! How's tour so far?" Y/n excitedly asked, assuming I was Brendon

"Actually, y/n, i-it's me." I corrected

"Oh, hi Ryan." She said, the excitement in her voice was gone

"I know you probably don't wanna talk to me right now, but I just want you to know that I'm really sorry and I love you." I said shakily

"P-please put Brendon o-on." She stuttered, I could tell she was holding back tears by the sound of her voice

"Ok." I said, handing Brendon his phone

"Hey, y/n!" Brendon chirped

Pause

"Don't cry, y/n. He still loves you." He tried to convince her

Pause

"Y/n, I promise you there is no other girl that he likes." He protested to whatever y/n said

~~|Your POV|~~

I didn't believe Brendon

"Then why did he break up with me?" I asked as I cried

"Pete said no distractions. We all agreed that Ryan might get distracted because when it comes to you, he drops everything else and gives his full attention to you. He broke up with you because of us." Brendon explained and I just wanted to slap him, but I couldn't

I couldn't take anymore of Brendon talking, so I hung up. I didn't even know what to do anymore or who to believe. I want to believe Brendon but I feel like he is lying. But he's my brother, I should trust him, right? I decided that I should take a nap or something so I could stop thinking about this whole situation.

I jolted awake when my phone was vibrating like crazy. I quickly answered it.

"Hello?" I said tiredly

"Hey, y/n! How are you?" Brendon cheerfully asked

"Eh, I've been better." I admitted

"Y/n, just please don't be mad at Ryan. If you should be mad at anyone, you should be mad at me, Jon, and Spencer." Brendon insisted

I heard a muffled and whiny 'hey!' in the background

"Bren, I could never get mad at you. And I need to think about this for a while." I said

"Oh, ok." He replied, sounding disappointed

I heard another muffled voice

"Shit. Y/n, I gotta go. Sorry." He apologized

"It's ok. I don't want you to get in trouble." I said, slightly laughing

"Love you, bye." He said

"Love you too." I said before he ended the call

What was I supposed to do while Panic! was on tour? I didn't have Brendon or Ryan around. Hell, I didn't even have Ryan at all anymore. Maybe I'll get him back someday.