Shucked Up || Newtmas AU

32 ☂ home

I must confess, I've made a mess, of what should be a small success.

________
Newt
________

"A month or two,"

Doctor Paige clasps her hands together anxiously, as if she wanted to conceal how they were trembling beneath her.

Intertwining her fingers, she licks her lips unknowingly before taking a breathe to calm herself down. Yet her tear stained cheeks tell another story.

"Okay." I croak, the word barely escaping my lips, in an attempt to stop a complete breakdown- which I cannot let escape.

We sit in silence for a moment, Doctor Paige keeps on opening her mouth as if to speak yet her voice remains silent.
It seems she is too fearful of the words on the edge of her tongue to actual speak.

Impatiently, I shatter the silence.
Despite my raw throat, quickened breath and stinging eyes, I swallow down my demons and ask,
"Where do I go from here?"

The sentence is spoken at little volume yet manages to fill the whole of the white room, hanging in the air.
Doctor Paige presses her lips together, another thought on the edge of her tongue.

"I-" she stutters before stopping again, "I'm willing to help you, Newt.".

It's only a moment later when I realise my jaw has dropped abruptly.
Pressing a palm to my lips and running my other hand through my hair anxiously, I try to control the thoughts swirling uncontrollably in my head.

I mean, Doctor Paige always showed interest in helping me, back at The Glade.
When my parents would pay endless amounts of money to get Doctor Paige to 'fix' me.
The truth is, Doctor Paige always showed interest because I could not be just 'fixed', unlike others at The Glade, a handful of pills wouldn't make me any better.

Being a doctor, I presume she was just fascinated by that.
I thought I was just, work, to her.
I knew she cares a lot about Tommy, but me? Tommy is sweet, and kind.
I'm just a cold-hearted shuck face.

"I mean, I am willing to pay for you to go back, to The Glade." She explains placing her hand on the desk on top of mine, smiling sadly.
Doctor Paige then leans in closer and lowers her voice to a soft whisper.
"To go home, Newt."

Home.
She's right, The Glade, is my home.

Then the cold realisation sinks into my stomach, like a weight on my feelings and mind.
Doctor Paige's generosity is out of pity, I mean, I should of seen it.
If I've only a got a month or two left- she doesn't have to pay for my stay that long.

I want to yell at her.
Tell her that I don't need her charity, her sympathy.
Yet I can't, as where else am I going to go.
I'm broke, I can't go back to the drug-ridden neighbourhood with Aris.

What about Tommy?
The thought of not being able to see Tommy is what keeps my mouth shut.
If I go back to The Glade, I can see him, until, you know.

"I can't let you do that, I-"
I begin to stammer in explanation, despite this being a perfect solution.
I can't let myself be dependant on Doctor Paige.

"I insist. Please, Newt. It means a lot to me." She smiles weakly with her sad eyes, keeping them focused on her lap.

"Anyway," she chuckles nervously, in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere of the stuffy room. It didn't work, nothing could make this conversation any less bloody depressing.
"I'm not letting you off that easily. I'll let you come back, if you attend one to one therapy sessions, everyday." She nods encouragingly.

"As well as group- where you have to actually have an input. Actually say something, please."

Shuck.
Words cannot describe how much I despise group therapy.
Being stuck in a room full of narrow-minded imbeciles, is not something I'm willing to have an input in.