devotion →chandler riggs←

ch. 26

chandler's pov:

"okay, princess. i know what i have to do." i sighed, leaving her cuffed to the table she was laying on. she looked concerned to say the least, although being cuffed wasn't a new thing for her. i needed her to understand what i was doing while at the same time understand why i was doing it. i knew i had a risk of losing her, and that terrified me, but i had to take that chance.

i came back up from the basement with all of the tools i had once used to torture others back in the day when i felt anyone other than autumn was worth my time, but i soon moved on from that idea. she looked at me in disbelief. "you're going to kill me? chandler, i thought you loved me?" she cried out, obviously confused and hurt.

"no, no. baby, i would never ever. i need to get this baby out of you, and this is the only way to do it," i acknowledged, putting on a pair of gloves. her eyes basically popped out of her head. i knew she wasn't ready for this, and i somewhat felt bad. "i'm sorry." was all i could manage as i picked up a scalpel, obviously knowing how to use it because of how many times i had rid of the skin of the people who got in the way of my autumn. in other words, i skinned them alive and watched them suffer. something i longed to do now rather than hurt the most and only important person in the world to me, or watch her have a feeling of love towards someone else, even if that someone was a baby.

i placed my hand against her stomach, her having no reaction to the cool glove hitting her bare skin. i felt movement, something i never wanted to feel. i knew we weren't a normal couple, we were fucked up. even if we were a normal couple, we were far from ready for a baby. i slid the scalpel across her stomach as i ignored her screams and pleas. i saw the blood rush from her insides, i saw her becoming dizzy. i saw the love of my life dying because of me. but i kept going. i hated this baby. i hated it. it was the worst thing to ever happen to me, and i've been through more than autumn or anyone can ever imagine. it always wound up like this. i always wound up broken, what i love being ripped from my arms. i never wanted to hurt her, i never even wanted to have this baby as if that wasn't already clear.

"i love you," i whispered, and i put all of my heart and soul into those three simple words, just in case it was the last time i was ever able to say that again. i began reaching in her stomach, pulling out whatever was growing inside of her. she looked at me, unable to breath. i put my bloody hand on her cheek and stroked it, tears streaming down my face.

"you've made my life worth living, baby doll. every moment i've ever spent with you has been the most amazing time of my life.. when i first saw you i knew i needed to take you, i knew i needed you to be mine. i've never met a soul as pure as yours, even if i did change you into something you were never meant to be. i ruined your life, autumn. and i'm so sorry for that. i should have kept walking, i should have controlled myself. but knowing you has made me so happy, it's really a selfish concept. i ruined your happiness to create my own. you had a perfect life, you were going to have a future. you don't want to admit it but soon you were going to be applying for colleges and you'd be happy. you were going to become successful in life and it's all my fault you didn't. i deprived you of what you wanted, of what you needed. you needed a family, a stable job, a husband and kids. i brought you into a reality you never imagined possible." i choked out, still not paying attention to the baby. she stayed in her spot, crying and squeezing my hand. it was in that moment it hit me. i had just given her a speech for the end of her life.

"no! no, you can't leave me!" i screamed, ripping the baby out from inside her stomach and applying pressure to her stomach, although the opening was too deep and too wide, it was impossible to stop the blood. i had killed her. she leaned closer to me, pulling me in.

"i... i love you, chandler, thank you. for everything."

and with that, my autumn slipped away from my grip. she was dead. leaving me in a room, alone with nothing but the thing that killed her. and with the more i thought about it, that thing was me.