devotion →chandler riggs←

ch. 24

WARNING OK THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING OR TOO MUCH FOR SOME PEOPLE SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK but hoLY SHIT CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THE WALKING DEAD LAST NIGHT FOR A SECOND CHANDLER PLS

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autumn's pov:

"that's odd.. you're not running a fever. you've been throwing up all week, and you're dizzy as all hell. i wish i knew what's wrong with you, dear." he sighed, stroking my hair with both his hands. i had no idea when or how to tell him i'm pregnant, he would just flip a shit. i was terrified of his reaction, i knew he would be mad as all hell. but before i could stop myself; the words just came flooding out of my mouth.

"i have an idea," i gulped, not reading for his reaction. i had convinced myself all this while that he would be ecstatic and comforting. i knew he said he didn't a baby, but i figured if he just actually HAD one, he would change his views.

"you've known your diagnoses all this time and you haven't shared? i'm disappointed in you, autumn. you have an early bedtime tonight. now tell me what the fuck is wrong with my princess," he sighed, letting go of my hair. i hadn't wanted the constant care to end.

"chandler. i'm pregnant we're going to have our very own baby. together." i smiled, letting the concept engulf every inch of my brain. i was going to start a family with chandler. we may even get married one day.

chandler's pov:

i stared at her with a blank expression, not knowing how to release my anger. i don't want a fucking baby. i don't want anyone turning autumn's attention away from me. not now, not this way.

"get on the fucking floor, autumn." i hissed, trying not to mind her feelings swarming inside of me. this baby needed to die, and he needed to die for the better. i was not going to let it stick around.

"what? chandler, why? aren't you happy for us?" she cried, clinging onto my arm. but i wasn't having it. i pushed my autumn onto the ground and placed a foot above her stomach, ready to kill whatever life was growing inside of her. however she found out she was pregnant is beyond my belief. it wasn't right to be doing what I was, as it was looked down upon by many. but I knew what I wanted and I knew what I needed, and I couldn't have anything taking autumns attention away from me. I could never love anything or anyone the way I love autumn.

"please don't," Autumn whispered, holding her stomach as i fought to keep her hands above her head. i looked down at her once more, whispering an apology over and over before i did what i had to do, doing my best to block out her cries for her baby and her screams of pain.

after i was finished, she was a bloody mess. it was a hard sight to see. "listen to me baby, you understand why i did what i had to, correct?" i questioned, tucking strands of hair behind her ear. she flinched at my touch and turned away, mumbling something incoherent. i felt myself breaking at the coldness of her being, i needed her to survive. knowing she was mad at me sent thoughts running through my head, causing me to think of the most horrible things possible.

"don't fucking ignore me," i spat out of anger, letting myself unravel in front of her. she looked up at me with dead eyes, tears and bruises hiding her beautiful face, a sight almost impossible for me to see. i looked her straight in the eyes, becoming impatient as i waited for the dreaded response.

"you killed my baby, you killed a part of me. you killed my love for you. i hate you." she spit out, turning her gaze away from me. she hugged her knees to her chest and buried her head between her legs. i stood there in shock, feeling every fiber of my being give up. i gulped, feeling faint. "don't say that, you don't mean that. you love me, you love only me." i managed, doing my best not to pass out.

she ignored me.

slowly but surely, i felt myself tearing apart. i found a part of me becoming lost. i found myself dying. without her, i was nothing.