Jaspar One-Shots

Talking To Myself

Summary: Joe is in love with Caspar, and one night he ended up in Caspar's room and started to tell him everything when Caspar was asleep and couldn't hear him. He found it helped him, so Joe decided to do it every night, but always Caspar's asleep, right?
WARNINGS: Mentions of running away.
Prompt by: hellokenz

Joe was usually a honest person. He told people what he thought, he told people if something wasn't right or if he needed help. But then something happened, and he kept it to himself, and he wasn't and didn't even feel one bit guilty about it.

Well, something didn't happen to be exact. Someone did.

He had been getting these feelings for Caspar. And it wasn't normal to him because; since when did he start liking boys?
Since when did he start liking Caspar?

Joe had tried to ignore the feelings for a while, until they started getting out of hand.

Like for instance when Caspar was flirting with a girl at a pub one time. Joe felt this burning sensation in his chest, so when Caspar went to go to the toilet Joe told the girl to go away and then later told Caspar that she left with someone else.

Things started going wrong, and Joe knew he should be honest like he always is and tell Caspar what he was feeling, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Every time he tried to tell him, every time he opened his mouth, he felt sick.

It was slowly killing him. He was slowly killing him. And he didn't even know.

But one night, Joe got an idea. Actually he got more than one idea, and those ideas? They involved him leaving. Like running away.
And he almost did.

-

Joe had his bags packed, his note ready on his pillow, everything was ready for him to go. He could leave just like this, in the middle of the night. People would find him, people would know, but he would deal with it when it came along.

Joe stepped into Caspar's room one last time, and sighed deeply when he saw Caspar sleeping unknown to everything that was going on. Joe sat down by Caspar's bed, and closed his eyes.

He closed his eyes wondering if he'd still remember everything, his laugh, his eyes, his smile, his scent, his voice. He could remember it, but it would only be a memory. It all wouldn't come close to actually being with him.

And then when he closed his eyes again, he imagined a hurt Caspar reading his note and thinking; he left me, what did I do wrong?
He never said why he left in that letter, maybe he should have, or maybe it was for the best.

"You don't get it all, do you? Nobody does." Joe whispered to Caspar. "I'm in love with you, you doofus."

In that moment, he let loose. He told Caspar what he felt and why he felt it, and afterwards he was left a mess. Tears down his face, he felt more broken apart than when he started, yet he felt happy for some reason.

Caspar couldn't hear him, and he was honest and told him everything. This was a great way to get rid of his stress and feelings, without telling anybody and especially, without telling Caspar.

It was safe to say Joe didn't leave that night. Instead he got back into bed, put away his clothes and things he'd packed. He put the note in the bottom of his bedside drawer, you never knew, he might need it again.

-

Ever since that night, Joe had been going into Caspar's room at late hours of the night and telling him how he felt. Then in the morning he'd wake up, feeling a little bit more free than when he went to bed. He'd pretend like nothing had happened in the morning, because to Caspar, nothing had happened. He couldn't hear him, he was always asleep.

It was almost like a therapy to Joe.

Everytime it was the same, yet this morning, things were different. Caspar was constantly looking at Joe, and by constantly, it was literally all the time. Joe was worried something was wrong, did he have something on his face?

Joe cleared his throat, "Uh, Casp, is everything alright?" Joe finally asked when the two were sat on the sofa.
Caspar's eyes widened and he shook his head like he'd just woken up, "Yeah, I'm fine. Are you fine? Good. That's fine. We're fine. Good." He spluttered.

"Are you sure, it doesn't seem like everything is fine?" Joe asked slowly. "You keep looking at me...have I done something wrong?" He finally said. Suddenly a thought hit him, had Caspar heard him talking to him or something?

Caspar took a deep breath, "Joe, I haven't had a lot of sleep for the past few days." He said. "When you came in a couple nights ago, I-I thought you were doing a prank so I pretended to be asleep. And then, yeah. I heard everything. I'm so sorry!" Caspar admitted.

Joe could have passed out, Caspar had heard him. He knew everything. He had been listening for the past couple nights, Joe felt so stupid. He probably hated him.

"Don't be sorry," Joe muttered. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I'll get over it, can we just forget about it all? Please?"
Caspar shook his head making Joe's heart sink, "Thing is Joe, I can't forget about it. I think I may feel the same..."

Joe paused, "Really?" He said. Caspar edged closer to him, his breath becoming slower as the two got caught up in the moment.

"Yeah," Caspar whispered as he placed a hand on Joe's cheek, cupping it. He looked into Joe's eyes checking if it was okay, before pressing his lips to his. "I really do."

And that night, Joe threw out the note that was at the bottom of his bedside table. He didn't need it anymore. He had Caspar.

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