Chapter 3: The Beginning of A Relationship

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Yo yo yo! Thanks for all the comments, responses and fans.

Oh and how I "do" the interviews is basically we record them when we're bored and I type them out later on so there is a bit of editing but not a lot. There are a few rules though, like we have to answer in order of names and we can all only answer once. So there, that's the messed up story.

Anyway, here's the next installment. Anything below this line is officially fucked up.


In this installment of HowBoysThink we talk about the beginning stages of a relationship. Please don't take this advice seriously, we are all single... clearly our thoughts didn't even help us.

This interview was recorded while we were in a car. So they were a bit restless.

Reece: Okay, today we're talking about the beginning stages of a relationship.

Clyde: What stages? There are only two stages in a relationship, the hump and non hump stage.
Dean: What kind of stages are those, Clyde? And why do we have to talk about relationships? Can't we talk about like porn?
Roger: I don't want to talk about porn! I don't want to dance, dance with my baby no more...
Brandon: All of you shut the fuck up!

Reece: You people are like little girls. Anyway just talk about the subject, please. Alright, on the first date what should a girl wear?

Clyde: I'll tell you what a girl shouldn't wear and that's panties.
Dean: I like dresses, the summer dress... oh I would give my knickers off to the summer dress.
Roger: Who the fuck wants to see your knickers? Do webcam dates count? That's all I have been to.
Brandon: It's a Friday night and instead of going on dates we're talking about it. Fuck this! Oh and I agree with Dean, the summer dress. Hot. As well as birthday suit, hotter.

Reece: I'm sure getting naked on the first date won't be her ultimate dream. Should a fellow dude pay on the first date?

Clyde: Uh yes, what are you? Some kind of pansie. You gotta pay to get a lay.
Dean: Of course but I think it's cool when a girl offers, I say no though and whip out my wallet to show independence.
Roger: You mean you whip out your purse? Okay. Skype is free, so I've never paid.
Brandon: Roger, you're just a sad person.

Reece: When would be the appropriate time to meet her parents?

Clyde: When she's married or pregnant. Whichever comes first?
Dean: I agree. Parents should not be met; it's in the rule book.
Roger: When you leave her on the street because she didn't bring you sandwiches.
Brandon: When her vagina doesn't work properly.

Reece: Wow, okay. Since Clyde brought up pregnancy, are you guys virgins? As soon as I asked this there were a whole lot of "Fuck you, you are a fag, do you want to break my virginity?" responses. It took a while for them to get calm.

Clyde: If you are going to upload photos of us, mention our last names or even hint where we live, I'm not answering.
Dean: Everybody knows your answer, Clyde including my nana.
Roger: I agree with Clyde.
Brandon: Ditto that, asshole.

Reece: I'm not going to! Complete confidentiality. Now answer it, also how old were you when you lost it?

Clyde: Why Reece, do you want to get with me? I know you do. I was 14.
Dean: Damn Clyde, did you even hit puberty then? I was 17.
Roger: I was 21, hopefully.
Brandon: I was 16. What the fuck! Roger you're 20 now? Are you still a virggy?

Reece: Wait, wait, wait! Is Roger still a Virginator? How did we miss this?

Clyde: Tapping your chicken on a webcam definitely qualifies you to be in the Virgination zone.
Dean: EWWW, Roger taps his chicken on Skype?
Roger: I do not. Yes I am one; hence I'm the only person in this car without genital warts on their chickens.
Brandon: Yeah Roger, you probably tap yo' chicken till it hatches.

We laughed for five minutes at that followed by Brandon consistently honking at a hot girl walking on a street we were driving in.

Reece: Anyway, moving on. Kiss on the first date?

Clyde: Kiss? On the first date? What kind of world do we live in? I bang on the first date.
Dean: Clyde, Jen Connar says you didn't even hold her hand. Jen Connar was Clyde's last victim/girl.
Roger: Seriously, what the fuck? I haven't been on a date, Reece you retarded penguin.
Brandon: Yeah, one kiss. If she wants a make out session, I'm down with that too.

Reece: Sorry Roger, maybe we should hire a hooker for you to give you some experience? Next question, would you like it if a girl watches porn?

Clyde: Yeah. Especially girl-on-girl action is hot.
Dean: We already know a girl who watches porn, it's Reece.
Roger: I think that's hot but she shouldn't be a porn addict.
Brandon: Speaking about porn, do any of you have the Kendra Wilkinson sex tape?

Reece: Kendra has a sex tape? Awesome! Anyway, how long in a relationship do you say "I love you"?

Clyde: Just before you hump her. Don't say it afterwards though because you won't be able to run away from her.
Dean: 4 months I think, that's when I said it... when I actually had a relationship.
Roger: After she flashes her titties or vagina.
Brandon: Never tell a girl you love her because- wait where is the vaggy?

Reece: Enough vaginas! Stick to the topic. Anyway, answer this question:

Why does the guy I like do this?

If your in class and this cute boy who you fancy looks at you and when you catch him he looks at something else. Also, when he's trying to be funny he just glances at me. Does he like me?

Clyde: Gee, just because a guy looks at you doesn't mean he's in love with you. Your boobs just may be big.
Dean: Alright, I'm a dumbass but I know the difference between you're and your!
Roger: Next time he looks, flash him your vag and do a belly dance in front of the whole class. He would love that.
Brandon: Just scream "Stalker" and run out the door with your hands in the air.

Reece: Okay, this one is just for Roger. Let's say you're on your first date and a song plays, what song would you like to dance to? Quote lyrics.

Clyde: I see you winding and grinding up on that pole.
Dean: Shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me. I smoke so much weed you won't believe and I get more ass than a toilet seat.
Roger: Oh baby, I be stuck to you like glue baby, wanna spend it all on you, baby, my room is the G-spot, call me Mr. Flintstone...
Brandon: Ooooh you touched my tra la la, oooh my ding ding dong.

Reece: You guys would seriously dance with a girl for those songs? Anyway last question, what's the sexiest thing a girl should do on a first date.

Clyde: One word, for letters. Bang.
Dean: Lick her lips like a lion!
Roger: Vagina. She should always have one.
Brandon: Thong, she should always have one.

Reece: You guys are fucking weird.

Clyde: Reece has a vagina.
Dean: Equipped with some double D titties.
Roger: Dude! Check that girl by the traffic lights!


It didn't end there, after that some of them... including myself wolf whistled at the girl. She didn't seem too happy though. She didn't sell condoms, it just looked like it. Oh well, until another day!


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