Where We Are Now (COMPLETED) #WATTYS2016

The Funeral

It has been a couple days since Drew died. I still couldn't believe it. Everyone has been extra nice to me at school, and at home. I just haven't been able to smile. Nothing could make me smile unless Drew walked into the door and told me he loved me. Drew was the only thing on my mind at the moment. I kept crying in classes and I just wanted to be left alone, to mourn by myself in my own little corner of my own sadness.

It was the day of the funeral. I couldn't even bare putting on makeup because it would all wash away the first second I saw Drew laying in the Casket. I dress in my black dress and sweater. I wear black flats I looked at myself in the mirror.
No makeup. He always said I looked best without it.
I broke out into tears. My sister walked in my room and gave me a hug. We said nothing and stayed there. Mother called us to leave and I slowly walked downstairs.
"Please, just don't talk......." I say as I run out to the car. I sit in the back looking out the window, replaying all of our best moments. I look down at my stomach and smile.
THAT was our best moment. Making our own Megan and Connor.
I smile with tears coming out of my eyes.

We get to the funeral home and I prepare myself to walk into the room that held his casket. His parents went in first. I walked in second. Alone. I slowly ease my way to the casket and look down at him. He wore a suit and had his black framed glasses. His hair was how it always was. He had a slight smile, somehow telling me everything would be ok. I broke down into tears at the sight of him.
"Why? Those fricken drunk drivers killed the happiest thing in my life!" I yell, knowing my family would've been listening in.
"Drew, I know you told me you loved me a million times and I told you a million more. I love you Drew. I-I don't wanna believe you're gone. But you are. And I'll just have to get used to it. It's harder than I thought! Everyone's trying to make me feel better but it's not working. My friends and family are trying too hard. All I wanna do is sit in a corner and die, so I can be with you forever." I hear footsteps behind me. "What?!?!" I yell
"I-i know you're hurt..... Do you want another one of those hugs now?" Emily asks.
I stand up and grab her and squeeze her so hard.
"I don't want him to be gone!" I yell
"I know..... No one does..... He was the bet ting that ever happened to you." Those kids didn't deserve to live. After what they put you through. Just know I'm here for you. Ok?" She says
"I know. Everyone's saying that. Nothing's helping me. I can't smile. I don't think I'll ever smile again....." I respond
"I know....."
We go into a tight hug as everyone enters the funeral home. They pay respects and I see Cayce walk in.
"Alex....." She says while I run up to her.
"I-I miss him too...." She responds while sobbing
"Why?" I ask
"This didn't deserve to happen to him...." Cayce breaks the hug "I'm here for you..... Ok? If you ever need to talk I'll be right there." She responds
The service starts right after that. I have to speak. I walk up slowly with a box of tissues because I know I'll break down. I go after his mom and dad. They give me a hug as I walk up to the podium.
"I'm Alex. I-I was Drew's girlfriend. Everyone... Seemed to notice.... That I was.... Happier.... With him. He always.... Made me smile..... And laugh..... And I know he did the same for everyone else. No one could be like him, even if they tried. He was his own person." I grab a tissue and wipe my tears. "We've been through everything together. I couldn't have imagined a better father for our children. If he was still with us, he could've watched his children be born. I've had my best memories with Drew. Spring break, summer, Christmas, Halloween, everything. We were always together. Our friends were so supportive. Cayce, has been by my side since my first day of school. She couldn't have been a more amazing friend." I say wiping more tears. "She introduced me to Drew. Without her, I wouldn't have been the luckiest girl alive, to know, to love Drew." I turn around to the casket. "Happy one year..... Babe...... I love you....." I burst into tears. I couldn't handle it being our one year anniversary. I walked back to my seat as the pastor stood up and started to preach.

We walk to our cars to watch the burial service. I place the note I wrote him, a picture of us at the Valentine's Dance, and picture of the ultrasound. So there would be a price of us he could remember forever.
No mater how hard I tried, I couldn't leave. I stood there for a couple more minutes.  Before leaving, I called out
"I love you Drew." And burst into tears as I walked away. I couldn't believe it. My only ray of happiness, was being buried deep into the ground, never to be seen again. I walk to the car to go home. No one said anything to me for the next few days. I just laid in my bed to think. To process what happened. I don't think I'll ever be happy again.