Used to || Mark Tuan

》Five《

It was 2am, I still couldn't sleep. Rolling around in my bed and staring at the ceiling didn't help either. That's why I decided to go for a walk.

It was cold outside, the wind was blowing my hair into my face, making it hard for me to see. I walked for quite a while, an hour to be correct. My legs weren't even thinking after that time, I just walked and walked until I reached the soccer field.

Mark and I used to play here often, he always let me win. He thought I didn't know, he probably still does. But I know how much I suck at soccer, at least compared to him. I laid down on the cold ground, I didn't feel like walking anymore, my legs were burning.

There were also too many memories which held me here. I just smiled weakly at the stars, my first time seeing a shooting star was right here next to Mark. If I would see one now I would wish for the ability that makes me able to turn back time, to the good old days.

Holding his hand, running around like idiots, riding his back, him pretending to have a cramp just that I can shoot a goal, throwing water bombs at each other. But I can't, I can't return I have to go straight through my mistakes and forgot them all.

All the fights we had because some guy was looking at me, our endless argues because of what his friends said to me. I can't possibly change things now, it was all in the past.

◇

"Stop protecting him!" I yelled. Mark tried to calm me down for hours but every time he opened his mouth he defended his friend, not me. "He called me a whore and all you did was laugh at it! Well thanks, wanna go and punch some friends of mine because they are talking to me? Cause I feel like it right now. Let's go Mark, let's go punch some innocent guy and have a drink with that asshole later."

My heart was aching, I was close to tears. "It was just a joke, calm down." Mark reached out for my hand.

"Slut shaming is not a joke, alright?" I slapped him, it made a loud sound. And I regretted it immediately, he never hurt me physically. I didn't know what came over me, it was just in the heat of the moment.

"Mark, I'm sorry," I cupped his face, softly rubbing the place my hand him, "I'm so so sorry." I started crying.

"It's alright, please don't be sad. You were right, that was a bad joke and I should've defended you." Mark wiped the tears of my cheeks and embraced be tightly, "It's okay." he whispered.

"Please don't leave me." I sobbed. Mark gave me a quick kiss on my forehead while stroking my hair, "I would never leave you, promise."

◇

It's time to start a new chapter in my life, a life without him. I learned it the hard way, I learned that people leave, even if they promised a thousand times that they won't.

And I can't change anything about it but there are things I can do to feel better, even if it's hard. Laying sleepless every night I came to a conclusion, something that will help me sleep again.

I'm erasing him, just like he did with me. I'm erasing everything. Our laughs, our jokes, our smiles, our conversations, our plans, our tears, our experiences, all of our memories.
I don't need him to be happy, I'm going to find happiness again.
The perfect ending for this piece of shit story.

Dedicated to the Reader:
May you find happiness.