Infatuated (AHSFreak show fan fiction)

Chapter 19

Before I start I want to thank you for 900 reads!!!! Thank you so much, I've been writing this story for quite a while now, and I'm proud with the outcome of it. I never thought I'd make it to at least 50 reads, let alone 900! That is only 100 away from 1K!! But I'm truly grateful of those who enjoy reading my story. 

Dear Diary,

Its been four days, since Ma Petite had passed away. I have been avoiding everyone. I've been trapped in my caravan ever since. I haven't gotten much sleep. It's not just sadness I feel for Ma Petites' death, I feel....guilt. It is the worst feeling in the world, it's slowly killing me.  I'm hungry but I can't eat.I'm tired but I can't sleep.I'm sad but I can't cry. That is what guilt is doing to me. And it isn't the type of guilt you feel when you hurt a best friend, and she won't talk to you, although you know tomorrow you'll be friends again. It's the type of guilt when you know you can't change what has happened. It's the type of guilt where it won't go away with an 'I'm sorry'. It's the type of guilt that you would carry your whole life wondering 'what ifs' and regretting your existence, wondering 'If I chose to leave Earth today,will the guilt go away?'. And that-that is the feeling I will have to carry my whole life.

I sighed as I closed my diary. I haven't written in it in a long while.

I walked over to the phone and  decided to call my mother.

'Hello?' I heard my mothers feminine voice say through the phone. God, how much I missed her.

'Mom.' I sniffed.

'Alexandria,is that you?' My mom worried.

'Yeah.'

'Why do you sound so sad?' 

I sobbed. 'Mom, so much has happened. I miss you so much.'

After explaining everything that has happened from coming to the freak show to killing the officer,Meep's death,the dream with my grandmother, finding out I was a witch, that psychotic man/child,Dandy, Me falling for Jimmy , and Ma Petite.

At this point, I have my mom sobbing through the phone.

'Sweetheart, why couldn't you call? It seems like the freak show is bringing you so much pain. Please,come back.'

'Mom, you know I can't come back, remember what I said about the dream? And I can't just leave Jimmy...I love him.'

'Okay, I just wished you would of told me what was happening, do you want me to come and visit?'

'Honestly no, as much as I'd want to see you, I can't. What if something bad happens?'

'Non sense. I'll be there by the ending of the week.'

I sighed as I hung up the phone.

I soon heard knocks on my door.

I got up and waddled to the door.

My breathing went short when I saw it was Jimmy. My heart raced and I didn't want to do anything but jump on him a kiss him, but all I did was stand.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey.." I said, my voice hoarse.

"How you been?" Jimmy asked.

I scoffed. "What do you think?"

Jimmy stepped in. "We need to talk."

I nodded, "Yeah,we do. But can't we talk when I'm showered and look decent?"