Fix me

12.0 come here

the next afternoon when i get home my mom is not there. she left a note on the fridge for me.

i went to new York for a couple of days with Alan. Kian is on his friend's house and will stay there for these five days. Ilda is home if you need her. love you, mom.

wow mom a little notice would have been nice. thanks. Ilda comes to the kitchen to start to work on my dinner. the guilt overflows me. "Ilda leave that alone" i say as i untie her cooking thing that she has tied over her dress. "go home , next week's the holidays, be with your family"

"but honey you'll be alone" her voice is so warm

"it's fine, i'm used to that"

"who's going to make you food? huh"

"well you know, there is this thing we call delivery" i laugh and my low chuckle is hearable throughout the whole house. i hug her close to me. she needs a brake from me.

"you're going to miss my muffins" she warns

"i'm going to miss you.. period."

"i'm going to miss you too. have a good holiday my sweet kid" she says and goes off. i will miss her, most of my childhood holidays involve her because my mother was always doing something. she is the Dorota to my Blair. the first thing i do when she leaves is blast the 1975 all around the house and dance around in my socks and a large t-shirt.

that's what goes on for the next two days basically. just me dancing around and having the daily Alice 3 hr text chat. it's all good. i love her. i'm just not too big on friends and all that crap. i mean, look at my last relationship with olive. speaking of olive i keep seeing her with kyle and William and all of these people. i thought she was all about the no drug use no booze drinking squad. not that she's doing. but that's what they do so it's only normal to assume that she's doing too. but i don't know that. the house is so empty that i feel the loneliness creep in. and it hurts to be alone. i have chris's phone number, maybe he'll understand why i feel like so much trash right now. but i'll bother him. god, just help yourself for once.

hey can you come over

what's wrong

nothing, i don't know i just need to take my mind off things

trouble in paradise?

whatever Chris

read at 7:34pm

today 8:00pm

i'm with kyle so i'll take a moment. can you call Alice

no it's fine now.

ok

So thirty minutes after first asking he replies. it's all right. not really but i mean it's not like he committed to anything. my mind is just eating me alive. the silence is so cruel. how come no one takes anything seriously anymore...

the phone is ringing. i go downstairs and to the chandelier lit living room i sit on the gray couch and take the phone from the coffee table.

"..ello" someone finished to say what i suppose is hello. "hello, Elizabeth" so.... they're looking for my mom.

"hello, sh....."

"El is that you?" that is my father speaking. through the phone, that's his voice. i lie.

"mhm" if i had spoken he would have noticed.

"i told you not to call me anymore, i have a live you know? let's get everything straight. don't mention anything about the twins or me and Dayana's wedding. and as far as our relationship is going i think it's better to break off our connection. i think it's better for us to move on with our lives if we stop worrying about Beatrice's calls for attention" he stays silent. "are you not going to say anything?.... she's your daughter for christ's sake. you know something? if you're going to keep with that crappy attitude just fuck off and don't call me agian, dayana will notice. have a good life" he almost hangs up but i interfere.