uncontrollable (completed)

reading

December:

I'd had a long day, and when I went to the library to check out some more books, the librarian had sneered at me and told me that reading young adult fiction was for people that were simple minded. It was a genre made for young adults, which is exactly what I was, but it still stung. That, coupled with the fact that I had seen not-noah again, and nearly broke down in the grocery store. I was feeling down.

So when Dan knocked on my door, I let him in without even bothering to tell him that Phil wasn't here.

"Is Phil here?" He asked as soon as he was in the flat. Dan's face wasn't friendly. His forehead was furrowed, and his cupid's bow upper lip was drawn in a tight line.

"No," I said. "He stopped by earlier, though." I didn't add: and then he left to go hang out with a tall girl named Chance who apparently is a dancer and looks like a prima ballerina.

"Fuck," Dan said, leaning against the door.

"What's wrong?" I asked, I had no idea what was going on but Dan was obviously distressed.

"He was supposed to help me with something for work." He said.

"Oh.." I said, not understanding. "Well, you can work on it here if you want."

"No." He said it, and sounded almost angry. "I need his help. We were supposed to read this book together and I have this event with this young adult author tomorrow to interview and-" He hurled a book towards the kitchen table. "He was supposed to help me out."

I walked over and picked up the book. "The Raven Boys?"

"Yeah." He looked up. "Have you read it?"

"No. Have you?"

"No."

"So read it," I said. "Your event is tomorrow and it doesn't look that long."

"You don't understand, I have to do this interview."

"So read the book. Were you just going to let Phil read it for you?"

Dan shook his head and looked at the floor- not in answer, like he couldn't possibly read this book. "it's not that simple."

"it's exactly that simple." I said. "You have a event tomorrow, Phil isn't here to do your work- read the book."

"You don't understand.. anything." Dan was standing now; he'd walked to the door, but I wouldn't turn to face him. I was tired of fighting. The fight wasn't even mine.

"Okay." I said. "I don't understand. Whatever. Phil isn't here, and I have some stuff to do. So.." I heard him jerk open the door.

"I tried to read it," He said roughly. "I've been trying to read it for the past hour."

I turned to look at him, suddenly feeling a guilty sickness in my stomach. "Are you trying to tell me you can't read?"

"No! The book is messed up" He sighed. "I somehow ended up with a french copy on the inside, but an english cover and Phil has the english one."

"So google translate and muddle through it."

"Jesus," He said. Surprised, hurt. "What have I ever done to make you this mean to me?"

"I'm not being mean." I said, knowing I probably was.

"You think I'm lazy." His eyes were on the ground. "And I'm not."