*Please read with chapter with care. Stay Alive |-/*
"Can you pull over?" Tyler asked, hurt and shushed.
"Pull over?" Josh asked.
Tyler looked panicked.
"Please..." Tyler whispered.
"Tyler, I can't really pull over right now." Mark said calmly.
"Tyler, what's going on. What's happening?" Josh asked. He was concerned for him. He could handle Tyler with a panic attack, he's done it multiple times before, but this felt different.
"I can't do it." Tyler explained.
"Do what?" Josh asked staring at him.
"Anything Josh! There is simply nothing I can do. Just think about it. With death, just like that, everything is gone. Every pain, every pleasure, is gone. There are no more breathes to take in, no more to breathe out. It feels right. There is nothing more to do, nothing more to say. It is the end and it is finally here. Isn't it?"
"Tyler I-" Josh started to say.
"No, I made it this far, but I'm not okay Josh, okay? Here I am. I'm telling you everything. But I'm not. Why can't I? I want to tell you everything, Josh. I want the pain to end. I want the sadness to end, but it just doesn't. Why does going back bad seem so comforting. Not eating, not sleeping, not caring, why is there comfort there? No one would notice anyway, no one ever does. I'm not that important. Am I?"
you're not.
believe me.
no one will understand you.
no one does.
Tyler took a shaky breathe in.
"Tyler, I don't know what to say." Josh started.
"But you are important. There is comfort there only because it is what you are used to. You, and I, are both so used to hating ourselves and dealing with so much sadness and pain that we feel it's the only thing we know, but Tyler, it's not. We have so much to learn. We can learn happiness and joy. We can learn how to deal with stuff, but only if you believe you can learn. I believe you can, but the matter of fact is if you believe."
Josh looked over to Mark who was just blank faced driving.
you believe that, tyler?
"It took me a suicide attempt to believe, Tyler. It's not easy at all... but you're not alone. I can, we can, help you and we will." Josh stated.
Tyler started snapping the rubber bands on his left wrist.
"I don't know if I believe..."
"Tyler, write instead of snap. I know there's comfort there but it's hurting you and I don't like it when you do that..." Mark said.
"Please, Tyler." Josh pleaded.
they don't care.
Tyler looked at his notebook.
"There's nothing to write. I don't have anything to write."
"But the music, Tyler. It has always helped, you know that. Believe in it."
Tyler stopped snapping and picked up his pen.
With his wrist a cherry red, he began to write.
Even though it was just four lines, it helped.
I want to stay,
In the sun where I find,
Pieces of peace,
In the sun's peace of mind.
________________________________________________________________
"The night I drove alone." Tyler spoke up.
They had made it to another hotel room for the night. There had been complete silence since the conversation in the car.
"What about it?" Josh asked.
Silence again.
"Is something... I NEVER want to experience again."
"I mean I can imagine, it sounded like a really negative experience. Write about it, since you're thinking about it."
Tyler sighed.
He took his notebook out and stared at a page he had written in before.
'I ponder of something terrifying' was the beginning line.
Tyler thought over it.
Why would he want to think something terrifying? He began to look more.
I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire
Exhale desire
I know it's dire
My time today
He stopped and looked over it.
Is this even good? He didn't know in that moment.
He looked over to Josh and Mark and saw that they were sleeping. Typical. He always was the last to sleep, if he even did sleep at all.
He looked at the writing some more.
There are things we can do
But from the things that work there are only two
And from the two that we choose to do
Peace will win
And fear will lose
There's faith and there's sleep
We need to pick one please because
Faith is to be awake
And to be awake is for us to think
And for us to think is to be alive
And I will try with every rhyme
To come across like I am dying
To let you know you need to try to think
He smiled to himself remembering where those lyrics stemmed from.
He picked up his phone to look at the remembrance of it.
He scrolled and scrolled and scrolled until he got to the messages.
[Jenna]: You still up?
[Tyler]: Is it a surprise?
[Jenna]: You know you need to sleep
[Tyler]: Well you know it's difficult
[Jenna]: You have to choose then
[Tyler]: Between what?
[Jenna]: Sleep and wake, only when doing so do you focus only on one.
[Tyler]: That helps, thank you
[Jenna]: Of course, I'll call you in the morning. Goodnight Tyler.
[Tyler]: Goodnight Jenna.
He set his phone and notebook down and was satisfied with what he saw he had written before.
He laid down on the hotel bed and looked up to the ceiling.
He could not stop thinking, but tried focusing on sleep and started counting like before.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....
As time passed the numbers grew bigger.
67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72....
He got to 382 before falling asleep to numbers bouncing in his head.
YOU ARE READING
Don't Let Me Be Gone (Twenty One Pilots)
FanfictionContinuation of The One I'm Not After gaining recognition in their work as Twenty One Pilots, the two, Tyler Joseph and Joshua Dun, began a real start down this road. A road of potholes, forks, twisting and winding turns, major drops and eve...
