Kaisoo One Shots

Brise (2/8)

  He takes two bowls from the counter; his sister is not home so he makes noodle soup. The taste is nothing like he remembers his mother used to make it - it has been 10 years since she died after all. His father turns the keys and he's inside the kitchen in three long steps. He doesn't say anything. Jongin puts plates on the table; fixes the glasses of water, the chopsticks and spoons. His father sits without saying a word.

Jongin's mind is rushing through sentence after sentence, anything he could say to bring the topic back carefully, but he knows there's no way. He should just stop being a coward. Kyungsoo pops in his mind – chubby cheeks, a big frown as he squints behind him in class because he can't read what it's in the blackboard; Jongin chuckles softly and his father eyes him suspiciously.

"What's so funny?" – he asks, his voice husky. Jongin shakes his head.

"Can I stay at Kyungsoo's tomorrow?" – the young man asks after they have finished dinner – "We have a trigonometry test on Friday. It's important"

His father picks on food between his teeth, he looks anywhere but his eyes. The man nods and starts gathering the plates in one pile, Jongin helps him and he doesn't feel so suffocated, the tension is not there at all. His father is not mad.

"Actually, can Kyungsoo stay here?" – he drinks the remaining of water in his glass. The man eyes him for the first time that night – Kyungsoo almost never stays there – Jongin is always afraid one of his family members will snap.

"Sure" – he answers and leaves to the kitchen. Jongin smiles without realizing and goes to sleep, having nice dreams, just like he promised his mother ten years ago.

-

"Jongin, come on!" – Kyungsoo yells from the other sidewalk, his short legs have crossed the street while the traffic light still shines red. Jongin is frozen on the other side, he opens his eyes wide as his friend motions his hand, he doesn't move.

To say he's terrified and practically shitting his pants is an understatement.

He clutches his school bag to his chest and runs to the other side, right before the traffic light switches to green and the cars fly passed them. Kyungsoo smirks and continues walking; they're half a block away from the towns Dance Academy – a building that is painfully familiar and a building Jongin dreams every other night with. The white façade pops in comparison with the other brown and grey buildings, he presses his arms tighter to his chest and he feels his knees go jelly. His heart beats furiously; Kyungsoo's hand is on his back pushing him.

"Come on, keep walking." – he hadn't realized he had stopped – "I will be there with you all two hours." – Kyungsoo assures him as they walk the stairs. The sun rays mark the entrance, and if Jongin was able to speak at that moment, he would say it was a sign from the heavens. He swallows and lets himself feel the A.C when Kyungsoo flies the door open.


"You never took calligraphy in the first grade?" – Kyungsoo side eyes him, Jongin erases the last two characters he wrote and tries to form a comprehensible word. He fails.

"Could you do it for me?" – he hands Kyungsoo the inscription form the secretary asked to fill, he hasn't even finished with his last name. Kyungsoo chuckles and takes the pencil and paper.

"Name?" – he stares at the paper in focus while sticking his tongue out. Jongin snaps his head and frowns.

"You know my name, idiot" – Kyungsoo laughs and writes something down.

"Birth"

"January 14 1994"

"Weight and height"

"I don't know." – he cries, Kyungsoo chuckles again and Jongin is about to smack him on the head – "Last time I went to the doctor I was around 30 kg and that was like 3 years ago...Just write 40" – Jongin brushes and looks at the secretary as she reads a magazine. He's about to run out the door but he knows Kyungsoo is pretty quick, he'll catch him in less than 2 seconds.

"I think I'm 1,43 m. and since you're just a tiny bit taller than me I'll write 1.45 m." - Kyungsoo speaks and stays focused on the papers in hand. He keeps writing and Jongin feels like he'll have a panic attack, he steals glances to the secretary's desk, he looks at Kyungsoo, and every half a second his eyes land on the front door.

My dad could come in any second. Is really ridiculous to think that, is 4 in the afternoon and his father is at work, but as a twelve year old, Kim Jongin is doing the most rebellious thing he could ever think and paranoid is the word that most describes him at the moment.

"Kyungsoo, let's just go. I still have a chance, I haven't given them the money" – he says, Kyungsoo raises his head and he looks disappointed. Jongin doesn't like that – "I'm scared to death okay? This money is for food. I can't just take it like this."
"We talked about it, Jongin." – his friend reassures. They have been planning this for two weeks, Kyungsoo convinced him that weekend after their first fight, after Jongin felt scared and fallen. After he thought his dream was for sure buried. Kyungsoo brought him back, Kyungsoo was the braver out of the two, Kyungsoo convinced him.

He hates Kyungsoo.

"We'll just take whatever you need from my house." – he repeats his words for the twentieth time – "My parents won't tell and your dad won't tell either. All of this until you can prove to your dad that dancing is your passion"

His words sooth him and his chest feels just a bit lighter. Jongin nods and closes his eyes; he counts the compasses in the song that plays inside the rehearse room, figures moving beautifully, even as the tinted glass of the door disguises a lot of the details. Kyungsoo fills the rest of the form and pats his friend on the back, Jongin hands five bills to the secretary and she smiles at the boys.

"Come with me" – she says as she walks them down a long aisle and up a set of stairs. The floor is the cleanest and shiniest he has seen and Kyungsoo is excited, like he was the one about to dance – "I will communicate Mrs. Sunyoung that she has a new student"

The room is wide and bright, multiple light bulbs up in the ceiling make Kyungsoo's skin look even more pale than usual, his moles pop up like stars on his neck. Jongin thinks it's cute; then he realizes, about 45 seconds after the secretary left them standing on a side of the door, that they're the only boys in the room. He feels totally lost. Kyungsoo holds his arm as if he knows what he's thinking.

"Jonginnie!" – the dance instructor sings as she pats the boy in the shoulder – "You came back! Kyungsoonie, how is your mother, dear?" – The woman speaks fast and high, she has long legs and her hair is a bright orange color. Something strange for a middle aged woman, but it looks good on her, Jongin thinks – "...and she should definitely come by my house and have some tea and biscuits, we were the best friends in high school, you let her know I want to have a chat, Kyungsoo. Anyways, why don't change your clothes and take some shoes from the locker, Jonginnie, we were just starting to warm up."

Jongin nods slowly and he looks at his friend, which has a smile on his face - he looks quite ridiculous. Jongin snorts and walks to the locker room.

"I'll be down stairs." – Kyungsoo announces with a low voice. Jongin nods and smiles as well.

That's the first time he feels his chest get warm. Not tight or pressured, his paranoia disintegrates and he's nervous, of course, but is a good feeling. He smiles the rest of the day, he smiles when his thighs ache from stretching, he smiles when his pas de bourreé is not as smooth as everyone else's, he smiles even when class is dismissed, because he can't wait to be back the next day. He smiles brighter when he meets Kyungsoo by the entrance, the boy taking his notebooks inside his bag, having the same grin as Jongin.
Jongin feels warmer in his stomach once they're out and Kyungsoo squeezes his hand while they walk, but he assumes is just the August weather.

-

"Do you think it looks okay?" – Kyungsoo cocks his head to the side; he has been working on the fake signature for 25 minutes now. Jongin's brows are almost touching, his eyes move from one side to the other, he scans the original signature and the copy, strikes he has seen dozens of times in water and electricity bills.

"I can't tell a difference." – he grabs the paper and takes it close to his face, it looks perfect – "I'm so glad that after five years, I still prefer to sacrifice my ass for dancing." – Jongin jokes – "I'm also glad you risk your ass for me."

Kyungsoo smirks obliviously as he eyes the variety of papers scattered around the floor of Jongin's room. Recommendation letters, permissions, certified grades...

"Where's your admission letter?" – he asks and looks at Jongin in the face. The other shows a crooked smile, an awkward one that doesn't reach his eyes and he glances at the floor quickly – "You haven't written it?"

"I tried!" – the taller whines – "but I choked up, I didn't know what to write. It started okay I guess, but then it turned into a weird sort of soliloquize that had terrible grammar."

"I'm so surprised; you've always been so good with words." – Kyungsoo mocks.

"Hey, I fucking-"– the front door of the house opens and closes within a second. Jongin freezes in his spot and Kyungsoo is the first to react, taking all the papers quickly and putting them on a brown envelope, then shoving it in one of Jongin's underwear drawers. They take their notebooks, textbooks and calculators; settle one in the bed and the other one on the floor. Jongin counts the steps coming from the stairs – "He's coming, he's coming, chill."

The door to his room flies open and his father inspects both boys.

"Kyungsoo" – he says and the other boy bows with wide eyes on his face.

"How are you, sir?" – the short man greets him and Jongin's dad just nods.

"I'll make dinner" – he affirms – "You keep studying"

The door closes; Jongin releases a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Explain me again why are we doing this here and not in my house?" – Kyungsoo questions as he doodles on his textbook.

"You could get in trouble in your house too." – Jongin answers, trying his word to sound convincing; is not like he doesn't like staying at Kyungsoo's, but he wants to spend time together in his house too – "At least here, you can go home and leave everything."

"I wouldn't" – Kyungsoo mutters.

"Yes, you would. I wouldn't let you get in trouble."

Kyungsoo snorts and takes the envelope back in his hands.

"You know you only have a little over a week to send this and the DVD, right?" – the shorter says eyeing Jongin – "If there's no admission letter all of this is pointless. That mini heart attack I just had. Pointless. I can help you write it but you have to know what you want to say."

"It's a dance school, why do I need to say all these things?" - Jongin pouts and crosses his arms over his chest. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and takes a blank paper from his backpack.

"I don't know, but the application form says you have to add it to apply, so here." – he throws the paper at the boy on the bed – "Write what music makes you feel, what you feel when you dance, whatever the hell crosses your mind. Just write."

Jongin looks at him and he tries to suppress a grin, his friend is almost frowning, his lips are puffy and he keeps doodling on the head of his notebook. He has a flash of twelve year old Kyungsoo, the pushy one, the one that never got a no for an answer, the one that insisted that Jongin should sign in on the towns Dance Academy, the one that took orange juice, flour and eggs from his refrigerator to school every Monday. His friend was still the same and Jongin's heart beats slightly faster, he covers his smirk (and also his upcoming blush) with the piece of paper, trying to think of a good first sentence for a start.

-

"Kim Jongin" – his sixth grade math teacher calls from her desk, the boy looks up and starts walking in her direction – "Do you know where Do Kyungsoo lives, right? You have been friends for a while now."

Jongin nods and notices the stack of papers the woman is holding in her hands.

"I think it would be better if Kyungsoo starts working from home, he has been missing school for two weeks and I'm afraid he'll be behind by the time he comes back." – she says – "Oh wait-have you had chicken pox?"

Jongin nods again and remembers strange baths with pinkish milk his sister and him took a long while ago. His mother smiled from out the tub as he played with Eunmi's ducky.

"Oh, then could you give the past assignments to Kyungsoo?" – she offers the boy the papers and Jongin can't understand why, but he is happy with the task. He hasn't seen Kyungsoo in 16 days.



"Hi, Jongin!" – a tall kid sits next to him and a skinnier follows his moves. He thinks their names are Chanyeol and Baek...something. He doesn't understand why they are opening their lunch boxes next to him, though.

"Hi" – Jongin responds quietly.

"I know you usually eat lunch with Kyungsoo..."- the taller begins – "...but since he's sick I've seen you eat by yourself. You don't mind, right?"

Jongin shakes his head and stays quiet. He knows Chanyeol helps Kyungsoo with his Literature assignments and the other kid helps him in PE. Jongin has crossed maybe three or four words with them. He feels uncomfortable. Minutes pass and the boys share words quickly, their responses are short and they laugh with every sentence. They're always together, Jongin just notices.

"I always thought you were very chatty since Kyungsoo is always talking to you" – Chanyeol starts to say – "and Kyungsoo doesn't really talk to people..."

"Is more like he just glares at people until they do what he says" – both kids chuckle and Jongin frowns slightly.

"Kyungsoo speaks a lot." – he defends his friend.

"Oh, we know." – Chanyeol insists – "We always notice when he talks with you. But is only to you. It's nice."
Jongin frowns deeper in confusion. He always thought Kyungsoo was a chatty person; he brings conversation at any hour of the day, he greets Jongin and asks him what his favorite song is that day. He shares his CDs with Jongin and lets him know when something annoys him. He's stubborn and doesn't like loud noises, but he appreciates a good rock album every now and then. It has been 17 months since he has been friends with Do Kyungsoo, and just now he realizes, he has never seen Kyungsoo have a long conversation with anyone else.

Jongin grins to the other two boys and they glance to each other. Jongin doesn't notice he's starting to blush, so all Chanyeol and Baekhyun do is smirk.


He knocks three times, with the compasses of the music playing in his earphones he waits for the door to open. It's not long before a petite woman appears in front of him, her hair is short and her eyes are big. The inside smells like tea and he has trouble breathing – he bears with it, though.

"Jonginie!" – the woman beams and grabs his hand – "What brings you around here?"
"Our teacher asked me to bring Kyungsoo the last assignments we've had" – he explains and his voice shivers just a tiny bit. He hopes the woman doesn't tell. She keeps her smile on her face and Jongin can notice how she has doubts to let him in – "I had chicken pox when I was 5- I think. I'll be fine."

She chuckles and steps aside as Jongin removes quickly his shoes, he walks up the stairs two at a time and his chest gets lighter spotting the first door in the corridor. He knocks on it softly and Kyungsoo shouts a 'come in' from inside.

"Hi" – Jongin says shyly, stepping on the others room, everything is neat and clean, light colored sheets cover the bed he's lying on with a DS in his hands. Kyungsoo looks at him and automatically smiles. His face, neck and arms – and those are just the body parts he can see – are marked with red spots, so many red spots - it looks painful, but the smaller doesn't seem distressed. He steps closer and takes a seat on his desk chair.

"Mrs. Soojin says you're behind on work." – he shows all the papers his teacher asked to deliver – "Functions are a child's game compared to equivalent fractions."

"You've done this in just two weeks?" – Kyungsoo gasps, his eyes fall to his lap, where a big amount of work sheets rest over his legs. He shuts close his game console and stares at Jongin with big opened eyes – "You brought your notes, right?"

Jongin chuckles and looks for something in his bag – "I think she exaggerated a little, we've only completed around half of those exercises. And we haven't done graphics, which you also have to do there. We'll work on that next week."
He hands his friend his math work book with most of the solved exercises.

"When can you get out of your house again?" – Jongin starts playing with Kyungsoo's DS as the other checks for the exercises he has to complete.

"I don't know. The marks are drying out, aren't they?" – he gets closer to Jongin and the other makes a face that has Kyungsoo chuckling – "I think in another two weeks I'll be okay."

He smiles. Jongin takes a deep breath and the door flies open.

"Do you want anything?" – Kyungsoo's mother speaks, holding her arm in the door frame – "Would you like some tea, Jonginssi?"
"No, Jongin doesn't like tea, mom. Do we have juice left?" – Kyungsoo says, her mother nods and she leaves the room with a sweet smile.

Jongin has never said he doesn't like tea.

He squints at Kyungsoo and the other ignores him, he's focused on the numbers in Jongin's notebook. He recalls telling Kyungsoo why his family just has three members – that time his eyes got watery because the sky was getting cloudy. He described how losing a parent was to Kyungsoo and they remained silent by Jongin's porch for the rest of that afternoon. The shorter never showed signs of pity – which was the thing that Jongin was most afraid of.

"How is ballet?" – he snaps Jongin out of his thoughts – "You've been going, right?"

He nods with a crooked smile, he doesn't look at Kyungsoo – he continues playing Mario Kart.

"What has your dad said?"

"Not much." – Jongin lifts his feet and rests them on the bed – "To be honest he hasn't said a single word to me in over a month. Not since he found out."

It wasn't long – just two short months – that Jongin managed to keep the secret in his house. Kyungsoo assured him his parents didn't tell a few grams of sugar were missing every week, but his dad wasn't so unobservant - add a very nosy and annoying sister and you get a blow up; a night full of scolds the second Kim Jongin enters his house a little after 7 pm on a Friday.

He still doesn't know how his dad found out about him taking ballet lessons, but he managed to convince him to let him stay, he fought with teeth and nails and even if he hates to admit it, his sister helped him as well.

Kyungsoo looks at him and doesn't show emotions, his eyes are big as always which makes Jongin chuckle.

"And what about the payments?"

"He gave me enough money on Monday." – Jongin replies – "Which kind of makes me feel worse. I'd be more than happy if he didn't give me a penny, but still went every now and then and watched me – if he would smile when I want to talk to him about it, if he tried to make conversation about it... "

Jongin drops his gaze to his hands over his lap and shakes his head, his throat closed up. He won't cry. He doesn't notice Kyungsoo's hand crawl half an inch and stop suddenly.

"Think it this way." – the boy starts – "He didn't make you quit."

Jongin raises his head and stares at Kyungsoo.

"I know that is hard if he doesn't speak to you, but at least he didn't call you a 'fag', did he?" – Jongin shakes his head rapidly – "He's just confused...I suppose. He doesn't know how to react and the best way he found was to ignore you." – he cracks a smile and Jongin snorts.

"You speak like you know him very well. " – he says with an eye roll – "He has known I like ballet since I was six. I'm pretty sure he knew when I quickly switched TV channels and when I hid my notebooks from him. He has got enough time to accustom to it. He will never like it."

"You can still practice hard and prove how great you can get." – Kyungsoo reassures him. Jongin puzzles a smile on his face, the one he can draw if he thinks of the right things.

He stays for hours in Kyungsoo's house that day and the next. His parents let him have dinner with them and his brother, he plays and helps Kyungsoo with math and above all, he seems to forget about the tea scent stream that comes from the kitchen at every hour, because he feels his chest get lighter every time he stays with Kyungsoo.

-

"And?" – Jongin is hugging his pillow, knees close to his chest – "What do you think?"

Kyungsoo is staring to smirk but quickly bites his bottom lip; he raises the paper in his hands to cover part of his face as he reads the final sentences in the admission letter Jongin wrote the night before. He couldn't have done it better if he wanted to.

"It's perfect." – he affirms – "You're set to go, Jongin...do you want to go the post office now?"

Kyungsoo is starting to get up when Jongin grabs his arm.

"Wait!" – he says – "We- can't we wait for tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is Sunday."

"Then on Monday! Even better. Let's just wait."

"Wait for what?"

Jongin stays quiet and can't think of a reliable excuse. He has nothing.

"Jongin." – Kyungsoo looks deep in his eyes, they're on a staring fight, the shorter no longer uses glasses – settles with contact lenses – and it's difficult to win, Jongin neck starts to burn up.

"You can call me a coward. I know." – the taller announces and he drops his gaze to his lap. Kyungsoo sighs and sits again, right in front of him.

"I won't call you a coward." – that's what he says as he has both hands trapped between his thighs – "You know I always think of myself as this really annoying kid that keeps nagging you. From the moment we met, I've bothered you constantly."

Jongin snorts softly and looks up.

"But I've told you over one hundred times that you are the most talented person I know. Even better than Jongdae and his high notes – Okay, maybe that's a different type of talent, but you have it in you, Jongin. You can reach the sky if you want to, and that's why I've been nagging you all these years. You've always just needed a little push."

"You're not annoying." – Jongin accuses – "If anything you are...persistent."

"But no!" – he insists – "I am persisti-you can say I'm persisting if I want something." – Kyungsoo raises his voice just a little bit and Jongin is afraid his father will come to his room – "But this is different! I know I'm annoying because if I'm not, I won't like seeing you studying economic sciences or engineering in college, I won't like seeing you spending your free time looking for cheap calculus books in every library in town. I won't like seeing you on an 8 to 5 job; I won't like seeing you wearing the same dark suits, boring and lifeless, that's not you, Jongin."

"You're light and electricity and water and air all together." – he continues as Jongin stares at him and the door continuously, this is the longest speech Kyungsoo has delivered in all the years they've known each other – "And that sounded cheesy as hell but I know you, Jongin! I know you are just an envelope away of getting into that school."

Jongin can't say anything and he just sits on the edge of the bed, staring at the closed and almost sealed envelope – fake signatures and phone numbers are in. If he sends that he has to wait maybe a week or two, then he could get a call back and he'd have to go to Seoul to a live audition in front of a set of professors and professional dancers. He's shitting his pants just by thinking about it.

He looks at Kyungsoo who is sitting and staring intensely at Jongin. The latter chuckles and bites at his bottom lip.

"You'll have to nag me some more for the following months." – Jongin says as he gets up, grabs his phone, the envelope and walks to the door – "Are you coming with me?"

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and gets his dress shirt from behind the chair he was sitting on.

-

"Kyungsoo, uh-"- he is choking up the words – "I-I- you- are you up?"

"Yeah." – the other speaks into his cellphone – "What's going on?"

"I got the email. I haven't read it, can I read- why are you laughing, idiot? Can I read it at your house? And there's this little thing I didn't think through."