Brise (4/8)

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  Is mid-afternoon and Jongin has been sitting on the same bench waiting for his audition to start. He has seen many people come and go, he has seen tears and laughter and he keeps himself thinking about Kyungsoo – the person that has him calmed and anxious at the same time, as ridiculous as it sounds. They have been texting and Jongin doesn't want to leave his fantasy there, he wants to keep that air and that warm feeling inside his chest – he's scared that the moment he leaves those doors and faces Kyungsoo, it'll all crumble down. He's so confused.

Since when did he feel like this? Since when he has been so blind he couldn't tell the difference between liking Kyungsoo as a friend and loving him as something more? He finds comfort in thinking he has never loved someone like that – he has great love for his mother, father and sister – but this can't be compared to that.

Jongin says a prayer for the twentieth time once a lady calls his name and it takes him five seconds to manage and get up.

"Kim Jongin?" – a man in the middle of a long table calls him. He is focused on a piece of paper and he passes it along the other people in there. The room is white, nothing is dark colored, the floor is white, the walls are white, the furniture is white. He feels small.

Jongin responds to the man with a bow and waits; he waits for an order or for his music to start. There are a total of six individuals in front of him, all focused on anything but his presence, they all look kind of rude, but he can't let himself think about that.

"You sent us a very curious letter..." – a woman speaks from the edge of the table, big glasses covering half her face – "Your enthusiasm...made me curious about your performance and development in ballet." – she has a very lazy tone in her voice, as if she's bored about being there. She keeps glancing up and down Jongin's presence and her nails play with an envelope – "You said here...you've loved dancing since you were very young but only started practicing at the age of 11. I'm not saying is a late start but...why did it take you long to start taking lessons?"

Jongin freezes. Since when a dance audition requires an interview as well?

"My family..." – he starts and tries not to stutter the answer – "Was going through a tough time when I was little, we didn't have the incomes."

He thinks is a good enough answer and he waits, trying to keep a straight face and a good posture. All the judges are quiet, playing with many papers that Jongin recognizes as his admission forms.

"Your tutor sent us a letter as well..." – another woman speaks, she has orange hair that is fading away – "...saying you were very perseverant and that your true character comes out once you're dancing. Why do you think she says that?"

Jongin blinks and thinks. His mind is blank. How am I supposed to know why she said that?!

"I don't know." – he says – "I'm usually a little serious and shy when I'm around people, maybe that's what she meant."
They look unimpressed and Jongin curses himself. Couldn't Junmyeon be the one doing this stupid interview for me?
"She also tells us you choreographed the routine we are about to see, is that so?"

Jongin nods with a shy smile – "Yes, but I had help."

"You'll be graduating next year?" – a man practically interrupts. Jongin nods quickly and his heart pounds. What if they ask for my dad?

"Alright. You can start." – the same man points to a lady so she can start Jongin's music.

An energetic melody starts, a strong woman's voice sings and he lets himself go, he forgets he's far away from home, he forgets these people in front of him are judging his every move and he imagines he's in his tiny room, he lets electricity fill his body, from his toes to the tips of his fingers. He imagines himself performing to his father, knocking his frown with one of his high jumps, he imagines himself spinning in front of his mother and how much she could smile to him if she was alive to support him. He jumps and lets his legs stretch as much as he can, he lets all emotions coming from the song fill his chest and he gets in full into character.

Jongin – with a little help from his dance instructor and a senior named Taemin – choreographed the dance; he created a story, a plot, a character, something that would definitely get the judges attention; is not like he ever wants to be a screenplay writer, but he creates a story about a boy, a boy that is trapped and chained; a boy that gets beaten and tortured, a boy that loses hope and is on the edge of madness, but then he discovers music, he discovers music and sees light, he discovers music and let's himself go of the chains, he hears music and his world is no longer dark chambers and cold ground. Jongin sees nothing clear as he spins rapidly three times on his right foot and settles perfectly in front of everyone.

The room is silent, Jongin heavy breaths and the seconds dread much longer than he wants to - he taps his foot, all eyes go to the table and the judges' act like nothing just happened.

Frustration is an understatement.

"Thank you, Kim Jongin." – the man in the middle speaks – "We will be contacting you in a few weeks."

Jongin bows the lowest he can; he takes his belongings while biting hard on his bottom lip. Is not like he expected the claps Kyungsoo and his dance instructor gave him, is not like he wanted the thousands of back rubs Taemin offered. A mere sign of recognition would have been perfect. He sighs a "fuck all of you" as he walks out the big glass doors to an almost deserted courtyard.

"How did it go?" – Jongin is surprised by a tap on his shoulder – "What did they say?"

The taller sighs loudly, a smile perking on his lips and he wraps an arm around Kyungsoo's shoulders.

"Don't ignore me, Jongin." – he says as he lets himself be led to the street, walking over the green grass they are really not supposed to step on – "How did it go? How long will it take for them to give you an answer?"

"I don't know, Kyung." – he sighs deep, his chest finally letting him fill his lungs – "Weeks probably..."

Kyungsoo stops and looks deep into Jongin's eyes. The situation could turn very awkward for both of them, but Jongin is decided to not let that happen. Kyungsoo's big eyes blink twice before he gives Jongin a little snort and decides to keep walking.
"What do you want to do now?" – the older boy asks as he grabs the hanging hand over his shoulder.

Jongin and Kyungsoo spend the rest of the afternoon sightseeing, they laugh and run in the big sidewalks, showered by the sun and judged by the grown-ups in suits. Jongin cannot care less. He forgets he has a house in a little town down south, he forgets the humidity smell coming from the entire place; he even forgets they have to be in school. They were supposed to head home that day, is Monday and their parents must think is weird that they have to spend yet another night at each other's house. They cannot care less.

"The night time here is amazing..." – Kyungsoo affirms as they walk touching arms, millions of people moving in the heart of Seoul – "I've only come with my parents though-" – the boy says with a shy smile – "but there's this street that has a ton of food trucks..."

He continues talking and Jongin smirks; they have avoided the kiss topic the entire day. Jongin hasn't wanted to bring it up and either has Kyungsoo, is not that they don't ever want to address it but they definitely don't want to ruin the mood.

The night sky brings a cold breeze with it that Kyungsoo thanks when he rolls his sweater sleeves down, but that has Jongin shivering a little bit. The boys settle on a plastic table, they feel kind of invisible, surrounded by hundreds of strangers but still inside their little bubble, slurping noodles and veggies from the big bowls in front of them. Kyungsoo laughs the hardest that night, each time Jongin tells a really bad joke and each time they remember some old embarrassing story. Jongin feels happy each time that happens; because he gets to see his friend's eyes turn into the prettiest half moons he has seen.

The walk to the hotel is full with giggles and playful pushes – if Jongin had more experience in the dating field, he would say Kyungsoo was being flirty, thought that automatically made him laugh. The lobby is in silence, the receptionist is behind a computer screen, hand infinitely scrolling through some website, she hands them their room card and quickly ignores their presence once again.

"You know that lady in the ATM was definitely checking you out, right?" – Kyungsoo says as he introduces the card in the door handle of their shared hotel room.

"She was not! It was probably the hole in my pants" – Jongin points – "She was like 25 or maybe 30, how could she not tell I'm 17?"

"Your age has nothing to do with that, she was checking you out."

"I have a huge hole in my pants, Kyungsoo, a lot of people were staring at it"

"Hole that is incidentally nowhere near your butt" – the smaller says as he places his belongings in the small coffee table – "and that is exactly what she was staring"

Jongin snickers and is probably all the glucose and calories he had that night, but he doesn't care to say:

"Were you jealous or something?" – it was stupid. Kyungsoo stops midway to the bathroom and turns to stare at Jongin's face.

"What?" – is all that leaves his mouth.

"I'm kidding" – Jongin says in a giggle. He was not.

Coward.



Kyungsoo's phone lights up the whole room when he goes to read the time. It's 11:38 pm and both share the bed once again. Kyungsoo has a white shirt and only boxers; Jongin is wearing pajama pants and no shirt. Neither of them was sleeping.

"Jongin" – Kyungsoo whispers, he's not very sure he said it loud enough. The other boy hums his response and it takes a few seconds for the older to mouth what he wants to say – "A-about what happened today..."

Jongin snaps his eyes open and gets more and more nervous as his heart beats faster.

"I kissed you..." – the older begins, playing with the border of the bed cover – "...and you let me kiss you... that can only mean something, right? I'm not imagining it"

"I-

"Let me-" – Kyungsoo interrupts and sighs – "I've thought about it the whole day, and I'm positive you have too. But what you said and what I did and how you responded can only mean something, Jongina"

"I said I love you" – Jongin spits, running a hand through his belly.

"And I kissed you...without an explanation, and you let me which is-" – Kyungsoo fires back.
"Kyung-" – the younger interrupts this time – "...the only thing that should be a puzzle is how it took so much time for us to realize it and do it."

Silence.

Jongin sighs.

"I mean...you like me like that, right?" – the younger asks, panic slowly rising. Kyungsoo giggles and reaches for Jongin's hand, sits next to him on the bed and the other quickly imitates his move. They're face to face.

Kyungsoo caresses the skin in Jongin's forearm, a white stripe marks his friend's face – light beaming through the curtains from the still busy streets lets him appreciate Jongin's face – the younger has some hair falling on his eyes, which have a little tingle that he has never quite seen before. Kyungsoo's heart races when he spots Jongin's mouth, showing a little smirk.

Jongin is nervous but he enjoys it, his heart is about to rip his chest open but he can take this over anything. Kyungsoo intertwines their fingers and moves quickly to be closer to Jongin – the latter smells his perfume but he can't think for long about that, because Kyungsoo's lips are over his in a matter of seconds. The older moves slow and separates at times to stare at Jongin's face – they feel embarrassed, they adjust and try to take in everything – what is like to kiss your best friend. Jongin closes the gap and deepens the kiss; he places his free hand on Kyungsoo's neck and slightly pushes him back to the bed, cascading his fingers as if his friend's torso was a piano, feeling his body – thin and soft.

Kyungsoo let's go of Jongin's hand and places it on the small of his naked back – it feels warm and Jongin is unfocused, the younger trails small kisses along Kyungsoo's jaw and neck and he can't believe all of this is happening with him. Kyungsoo opens his legs at the same time he lets out a moan - Jongin had no idea his weak spot was his neck. Without really thinking about it, the younger pushes his hips and Kyungsoo repeats that sound, feeling tingly from his stomach down, feeling his erection grow by each touch Jongin leaves on his body.

Kyungsoo gets up and changes places with Jongin, which takes him by surprise. His pajamas pants can't hide the big bump between his legs – Kyungsoo giggles and starts kissing the younger once again, placing his hands by his belly - nearby his hip bones – and softly caressing his skin.

"I've wanted you for a really long time, Jongin" – the older says, interrupting each word with a wet kiss, his thick and raspy voice has Jongin going crazy, taking it out with Kyungsoo's soft dark hair.

"Why didn't you-?" – he replies.

"No idea" – Kyungsoo states, not able to formulate anything else. Jongin reaches to kiss him deeper, darting his tongue in, feeling the warmth inside his friend's mouth. Kyungsoo moans once again and separates their lips, trailing wet kisses down Jongin's throat, stopping by his chest and then continuing close to the hem of his pants.

"Kyung- what are you-" – Jongin supports himself on his elbows when the words come out on its own, his mouth is dry. Kyungsoo looks up and can't really distinguish Jongin's face anymore. He considers turning on the lights, but he has really no strength for that. He keeps kissing along Jongin's hips and decides to take the step and remove his partner's pants; he feels his hesitation but finally takes them off by himself. Jongin is naked when he crawls to take Kyungsoo's t shirt off.

Exposure is an understatement. Jongin feels each fiber of his skin is screaming, he shivers slightly when he realizes his erection is in full bloom, it cannot be hidden and it sends little short circuits with every move he makes. Kyungsoo supports on his knees when he wraps his hands around Jongin's neck, kissing him passionately, hard and wet once again. Jongin doesn't know what to do with his hands; it feels a bit too desperate to start stroking his own dick when he remembers that Kyungsoo still has his boxers on.

The younger pushes Kyungsoo back on the bed and lays on top of him, purposely caressing his dick over Kyungsoo's – the latter moans and pulls on Jongin's hair, introducing his tongue back in his mouth with a kiss.

"Do that again, please" – Kyungsoo's voice is hoarse. The younger takes a moment and repeats his move, he repeats it over and over while his lips feel hotter by the second, they burn – Jongin has lost count of the times Kyungsoo has moaned, he can't even tell he's moaning even harder than him. Kyungsoo runs his hands down Jongin's sweaty back, practically digging his nails; he finally lands a hand on Jongin's butt cheek, squeezing it – the older snickers.

"Don't laugh" – Jongin says – "You're going to make me feel dumb"

"Don't-" – Kyungsoo responds quickly, looking straight to his eyes – "Don't be...I just... I can't believe I just grabbed your ass like that"
Jongin playfully rolls his eyes and kisses Kyungsoo's neck, sucking close by his jaw, leaving a mark, even though he didn't know he would cause that. He delicately runs his left hand down Kyungsoo's body, he's cold and his skin is sensitive, feeling him shiver when Jongin reaches the hem of his boxers. He gets up on his knees and slowly pulls it down, realizing Kyungsoo is only left with his socks on.

Jongin giggles.

"Why are you laughing?" – Kyungsoo sounds half annoyed and half playful.

"Nothing." – Jongin states and launches for another kiss, he comes closer and closer to his best friend, getting chest to chest and finally having skin to skin. Everything from his waist down is hotter than ever, he rolls his hips, goes up and down, getting closer to climax as Kyungsoo kisses softly his already swollen lips.

The younger supports himself on his left arm, staring deep into Kyungsoo's eyes as their breaths echo in the hotel room; Jongin wonders in between their bodies and grabs both their members with one hand – Kyungsoo clenches his fists around the bed sheet and closes his eyes. Jongin strokes softly once, letting themselves take in everything - Kyungsoo thinks he's going crazy when Jongin doesn't move his hand for a moment, he opens his eyes and tries to take a look at his friend – sweat droplets are scattered on his forehead, his hair is even more wet by now, and he looks concentrated, he loves this look on him. Jongin strokes once again, this time harder, moans grow louder each second, as Jongin speeds up the pace – Kyungsoo reaches to place a sloppy kiss on Jongin's lips, he fists his hair and pushes his hips, trying to improve everything he's feeling.

"Go faster" – Kyungsoo cries, resting forehead to forehead, getting close to finishing when Jongin groans underneath his breath. He reaches for Kyungsoo's lips when butterflies escape his belly, when he feels his dick getting close to burn, when he thinks he can set themselves on fire, when he feels liquid splashing on his stomach. Kyungsoo releases the last moan, quite and soft, two seconds after that.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Jongin has to repeat to himself.

Tired breaths now fill the room, Kyungsoo lets go of the bed sheet and gently wipes Jongin's sweaty forehead, placing slow kisses along his right cheek and lips. Jongin smiles and crumbles down next to Kyungsoo – his left arm shaking and tingling.

"I'm not imagining it, huh?" – Kyungsoo says, finding Jongin's fingers close to his. Jongin snorts, blinking lazily, staring into nothing, still little white dots mocking his sight – "I'll go get some tissues"  


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