The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

XXXIV- The reign of the typo

"But he's adorably dressed- and he has a name tag!" Main protested. "We need an adorable sidekick."

"I'm not adorable enough for you?" Helena stuck her tongue out of a hole in her rotting cheek. "Fine: I'll keep to my dolphin rations. You look after the stupid pig."

Main picked the pig up, and read off his name tag. "Harry Trotter?" He adopted a voice used solely for communicating with cute, baby animals. "You're a wizard 'arry."

The undead girl scouted the house, while Main tried to feed Mr. Trotter. 

"It's weird," she said, returning with a bottle of Champagne. "This place is decked out like a Honeymoon suite. The bed's turned down, even the candle wax is still hot; but the place is deserted."

Thunder rumbled and rain drummed against the thatched roof. Relaxing by the fire he had built, Main's stomach growled. 

"I kinda want bacon now," he admitted.

*

Poor Mr. Trotter squealed at the mention of 'bacon'.

"Oh no, not you, Harry!" Main insisted. "I could never eat you, you cute little wizar!"

A red, squiggly line appeared.

"Main, what have you done?" Helena screeched. "You've summoned a typo!"

"What?! But I only missed one letter!"

"That's all it takes!" she said. "Typos prey on the weak points of our universe, killing those who dwell between kingdoms, fandoms, and logical plot-lines. They've been getting worse every year!"

"I'll smite it!" Main drew his sword, facing down the typo. Mr. Trotter cowered behind him, whining. "Never fear: I shall defend thee, Pig!"

*

"Don't touch it! Just back away!" Helena said. "Solowly, you don't want to spook the it."

The squiggly red line tripled in length, and started to move towards Helena like a large overgrown caterpillar.

"Curses!" Main shouted. "It's going for you instead!"

"I already know that!" she shouted, standing on the dining room table. "You have to trap it in something, and quickly!"

*

"But what?!" Main began to look around, searching for anything that could help the pair (or 'trio', including the pig, who was becoming an increasingly useless addition to the team.)

"I don't know, just find something!" Helena snapped.

Main scoured the corners and walls of the dilapidated cottage, but there was no sign of anything that could save them. Where were all the conveniently-placed, plot-advancing items when he needed them? If only he could convince it to crawl into a bottle, or a lamp of some sort...

"Helena, hang no!" he shouted. The line grew, and changed course for Main. It was getting faster.

"Main, you idiot!" Helena shrieked. "What are you thinking?"

"That's the thing! I'm not thinking!" Main said, power walking away from the treacherous line. "Being under attack is very strssful, you know."

The Typo increased its pace once more.