Never as in Forever

Chapter 18

Tobin's POV

Thanksgiving came around, and I didn't want to go home. I can't stand the awkward thanksgiving that awaits me. No one there. That's what's going to happen. No one will be there. I'll be stuck with my dad.

"Come home and meet my family" Moe says.

"Uh, sure" I smile.

--------------------------------

I met Moe's family. They're all nice people, but being with them reminds me of Alex. I used to spend thanksgiving at her house. It's so weird now, and it makes me sad to think about the people we used to be. It makes me want to cry.

I groan at the sudden memory of Alex and I holding hands at the table. Moe frowns at me.

"Everything okay Toby?" She asked.

"Yeah" I say, and it sounds like a strangled groan. I purse my lips, hoping she didn't notice the pain in my voice.

Alex, where did we go wrong?

Alex's POV

The plane ride home was empty. It felt empty. Being at the table felt empty. Like no one was there. Servando was there, but that wasn't the same as Tobin being there. Oh God, how much I miss her. She probably doesn't miss me. I realize that I'm on the verge of crying, and Servando is staring at me, frowning.

"Are you okay Alex?" He asks.

"Huh? Am I okay?" I want to say no. "Yeah. I'm fine"

He smiles at me, then continues eating.

"I need a little bit of air. I'll be back" I say, then get up, hurrying to my room. I close the door and lock it, then I turn on music.

Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's.

"Hey there Delilah don't you worry about the distance I'm right there if you get lonely give this song another listen close your eyes....listen to my voice it's my disguise, I'm by your side" that's when I start to cry. "Ohhhhh it's what you do to meeee, ohh it's what you do to me"

I wash my face.

I can't cry.

No.

Not now.

I have to talk to her. I must. I whip my phone out and press on her contact info, then her phone number. It rings, and rings, and rings.

No answer.

I groan.

"Come on Tobin, pick up" I say, and press her number again.

It rings.

And rings.

And rings.

And rings.

And then she answers.

My heart skips a beat.

"Tobin?" I say.

"Alex?" She sounds confused.

"Yeah. Hi. It's me" I smile like an idiot, and turn the music off in my room.

"Hi" she says.

"Listen. I just wanted to say, Happy Thanksgiving" I say. I really just wanted to hear her voice. I miss it so much.

"Oh. Happy Thanksgiving" She says back.

"I hope you're not at home, with your parents" I say, hoping she isn't. If she is, that would make me feel terrible.

"No. I'd never go back there" She sighs. There's a pause. "Alex, are you crying?" She asks softly.

I realize I'm crying.

"A little" I chuckle lightly.

"Why?" She asks.

"Memories" I blurt before I can stop myself. Another pause.

"What memories?" She asks softly.

"Old memories I wish were still true" I sigh.

"Memories...of us?" She asks in a whisper.

"Yeah" I breathe heavily.

"I hope Servando is treating you well" she says.

"Serv? He's treating me fine" I say a little too bitterly. Why would she bring up Servando?

"Good" She says. I hear pain in her voice, and it kills me to hear that.

"I miss us" I whisper, hoping she doesn't and hoping she does hear it.

"Me too" She sighs. "Me too. I'm willing to let bygones be bygones"

I don't know what that means, but I've heard it before. I don't know how to respond.

"I'm sorry it didn't work. But you're happy now" She says at last.

"Happy?" I ask.

"Yeah, you're happy now. He treats you better" She says. I want to tell her that's not true.

"I..." I try, but the word is strangled.

"I'm sorry Alex. And no. I'm not as happy as I was with you. I wanted to make it work so bad, but some things aren't meant to last....I guess. So as long as you're happy, even if it's not with me, I'll be fine with it" She says. "I'm sorry I dragged you into it in the first place"

"I'm not as happy as I was" I say.

"Sorry to hear that" She says dully, without emotion. I grit my teeth.

"It's not the same without you" I say.

"Neither is my life, but fresh water pushes out the dirty water. Meaning if we have a fresh start, maybe we can try be friends, and that will get rid of the bad taste we have for each other" She says.

I don't want to be friends. I want to be more than that. Like before.

"Uh...okay" I say, but I want to make us work again. To be Alex and Tobin, like the old days.

"Let's leave the past in the past" She sighs, knowing what I'm thinking.

"But if we leave the past in the past, we won't know how to shape our future" I say.

"Your future. I have no future" She breathes.

"Tobin-" I try, voice cracking.

"No Alex. No" She cuts me off. "I am not getting in the way again. Now go have Thanksgiving with your family. I've got to find a family of my own"

I want to scream. I want to yell that I could be her family. All she has to do is try. But the only thing I do is stare at the wall.

"Bye Alex. I'll see you at school" She says, and hangs up.

That went well.

Aw, who am I kidding. That went horribly.

Will we ever be the people we used to be?

A/N

I'm getting lost in this story, it's even confusing me. I'm going to try to simple it up a bit. But I'm still going to continue it, I think. If you need me to sum up what happened, I'll gladly do that. But I hope you like it. Not sure if I do. If you have any comments/concerns/requests, please tell me. Thanks.