afraid of kian lawley

30

Matt fucking Healy. Kian's taking me to meet my all time idol. Fucking hell.
The large men in black lead us through dark halls until we came to a stop at a door that said the 1975. "Fuck.." I said, under my breath. Kian opened the door and grabbed my hand. My hearts beating so fast, I don't know what to do.
"Hello love, you must be Emma?" Matt fucking Healy said to me. Tears started falling down my face and he pulled me in for a hug. "Kian told me about you darling, I'm really glad I could help." I hugged him tightly and buried my face into his chest. "I love you so fucking much," I mumbled, "you mean the whole world to me." I could feel his smile as he lightly laughed then pulled away. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" I shook my head and studied his face. "You're actually real." I whispered, squeezing his hand. "And so are you." For the first time in my life I don't mind the smell of cigarette smoke. I love it.
"Listen, Emma, if you would have died in the accident, this never would have happened. If you would have died, you never could have smoked another cigarette, or drank another drink, or even fucked Kian again." I laughed as I choked up. "That would have been the worst decision of your life, and trust me, I've been there before, you know that, but if you would have died, Emma, I never would have had this experience. I never would have had an intimidating teenage boy follow me out to our bus just so he could tell me about you. I never would have known you existed, and just like you, before this, I'd never met you. But you mean something to me. You really do, and that's why you can't give up now. I want Kian to take you to therapy, and I want you to get better. Being like this isn't fun, Emma. You know it's not. So let Kian take you, love. And listen, I better see you at every la show we ever have, okay? Anytime you want to see us, just call this number. It's my manager, he'll give you some tickets. Alright?" He smiled down at me, holding out a business card. I slowly took it from him with a smile, then he hugged me again.
I had a conversation with Matt fucking Healy and the rest of the band before they had to go on. I've never been so damn happy in my life, and it's all because of Kian.
After saying bye to the boys, security guards took us to our spots that were front and center. I couldn't help but cry again when I saw the stage set up right in front of me. "Thank you so much, Kian. Words can't describe how thankful I am. I love you so much." I said after wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him.
Love Me started playing and my heart dropped. It's finally happening. Matty walked out on stage and winked at me before starting to sing. His voice is beautiful and I'm dying inside. This is all I've ever wanted. My favorite band. Right in front of me.
The minute Me started playing, my eyes watered and I choked up. Kian pulled me close and I buried my face in his chest. "Oh I was thinking about killing myself, don't you mind? Don't you mind?" Matty sang, holding out his hand for me to grab. I took his offer and held it tightly. "I love you, don't you mind? Don't you mind?" He moved his thumb back and forth on the top of my hand and I continued to cry. I never thought this would happen.
During Robbers, Kian had me on his back. With my arms wrapped around his neck, I whispered "babe you look so cool" in his ear before nibbling on it. "We're fucking the second we get home." he spoke. I nodded, this time kissing his neck.

"That was the best sex I've ever had." Kian breathed out. "That was the best night I've ever had." I chuckled, cuddling up in him. "I was honestly scared something wouldn't go right. But, I'm glad it did, love. I've never seen you so happy." He played with my hair and I smiled. "You took me to meet Matt fucking Healy. I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for him. You never would have met me." Kian looked down at me "thank god Matt Healy is alive then," he said before kissing me.
"Tell me about your parents." I whispered into Kian's ear. He opened his eyes and looked down at me. "I don't think you want to hear about them." I frowned and moved closer to him. "Come on Ki, nothing can be worse than my parents." He sighed and rubbed his hand up and down my bare back. "Where to start.. Ah, my dad got arrested when I was fifteen for killing a guy," he scoffed, "he was such an awful guy. I can't remember a time that I went to bed without getting beaten or yelled at." I hugged Kian tightly and stayed quiet. "He killed someone. For no reason. This innocent man, gone. How do you think his family felt? He had two kids. A wife. A good job. All of that, ruined." Tears fell down my face, but I still stayed quiet. "That's not even the beginning. After he left, my mom got worse and worse. I mean I thought it was bad seeing her get hit by my dad, but it got so much worse. She attempted suicide three times. Three fucking times. By the third time they took her to a mental hospital in Seattle. I haven't seen her since." I sat up, exposing my bare chest. Kian reached to the other side of his bed and grabbed his flannel off the floor. After I put it on, I grabbed his face and studied the tears falling down his cheeks. "Kian," I breathed out, choking up, "I-I didn't know. Y-you said you got kicked out.. a-and I just.."
"I'm sorry for lying to you. I just thought you didn't really give a shit about it." Kian barely spoke. "Of course I do. You know I do." I said, grabbing his hands.
Kian sighed then started pointing at different marks on his skin that I never noticed because of his tattoos. As he explained all of them, I couldn't stop crying. I never thought Kian could have such a bad life. I mean, he's living in a fucking mansion with his best friend and could get any girl he wants.
After he finished showing me all of his, I started showing him mine. When I was going down my arm, he grabbed my finger and pointed at one that he made. "I did that," he breathed out, more tears falling down his face. I looked up at him, staying silent. "I-I did that to you. Emma, I'm my dad. I'm my fucking father," he sobbed. "Kian," I said caressing his face. "You're not like your father. It's okay. I don't care. It's nothing compared to everything else. Don't worry, love. I don't care. I love you and nothing will change that." I climbed into his lap and hugged him, waiting for him to do the same to me. Kian then hugged me tightly and stared crying on my shoulder. I didn't dare pull away. "I love you, Kian." I mumbled onto his chest. He sobbed in return and I smiled, even though my hearts broken.

5 days till I see the 1975 oh shit