Just Let Go (Harry Styles)

Chapter Thirty-Seven - Let Go

Chapter Thirty-Seven

~Harry~

I wasn't too sure what to expect when the door opened and Kristen and my eyes met again for the first time after so long. I expected tears, maybe a surprised or shocked expression - silence for sure - but not the door being slammed shut in my face.

I had been communicating with Jennifer since the day I had talked to Jasper. Of course finding Jennifer's direct number to her cell phone was easy since I had insider connections with Ed. All I had to do was ask and he provided after I told him the situation. The day I walked away from Jasper at the cafe, I had a realization that Kristen wasn't really an escort and that her coming to London was for another purpose altogether.

After talking to Jennifer, my suspicions had been confirmed. Jennifer expressed her shock when she saw that Kristen had been in London and that she was attending to me as an escort, especially since Kristen was only her secretary. Jennifer told me that she had informed Kristen that she wanted a break, and told Kristen to close Fantasies while she was away. We both came to the conclusion that I called at the moment right before Kristen had closed up shop for Jennifer's break.

As for BP, Jennifer informed me that Kristen honors that company like a Christian to their faith. What Jasper had said and what Jennifer told me, my hypothesis rang true; Kristen only accepted the job by my side in order to get to London. In order to get her foot in the door at BP. Yes, I felt used. When I found this out, of course I was hurt and I wondered if our whole relationship was a lie. Of course, I couldn't believe that to be true. I loved Kristen and she loved me. The things we said and the things we did couldn't have been forced on her end. I thought of her tears when I had been ignoring her and our time together at Greenwich. I felt like I had known her all my life even though she came into my life 6 months ago. I needed her, and that is why I was here, to see if she needed me as much as I needed her.

I knocked on the door again, calling her name out as I did. I heard nothing on the other end but silence. Was she still there? Jennifer told me they would be home today. I knocked again and the door opened. My heart rate increased only to be disappointed when I saw Jennifer instead of Kristen opening it.

"Harry, she is in denial of you being here. Get in the living room and talk to her! She is prepping to leave!" Jennifer stepped aside as she said this and I speed walked from the front door to the living room. As I entered, I saw Kristen bending over on the couch, putting on her converse. She heard me walk in and immediately stood and faced me. No words passed between us as she stared at me and I at her. I didn't know what to say to make this tension in the air flee from the room. This was the most delicate situation I had ever been in and only one moment could match it: my audition for the X factor. The only difference was that now I wasn't singing, and I didn't have Simon judging me with his critical gaze. No, the gaze that stared at me now was a hundred times worse than Simons. The eyes that looked at me were the eyes of the woman I love, conflicted eyes. I saw confusion, hope, and hurt. Kristen must had been suffering so much while we had been separated. I would have come sooner to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but I was told by management it was for the best to let things die down, plus, the new album had just been released. There was no way I could sneak a flight to the United States with everything being so hectic in my life. My only connection to Kristen the past 4 months was Jennifer, and even then, I wanted to have Jennifer take the phone to Kristen, but I knew she wouldn't speak to me. Not unless I confronted her like I am now. I knew she wouldn't talk to me because of the guilt she felt. I know once she saw that article, she was thrust down to a hell I couldn't reach at the time because she didn't extend her hand. Here I was now, trying to save her this time, like I should have done 4 months ago.

"Kristen, I-"

"Harry, don't." My name from her lips seemed tight, yet they flowed out breathy, almost like a sigh. "Let's not beat the dead horse. My services ended when I left London."

Her last words made my eyes slightly widen. I realized then that She still thought I didn't know about BP. She still thought I didn't know she wasn't an escort. I had to put a stop to this and make her see that I was here for real and still loved her as much as I did when she was in London.

"Kristen," I said her name again very softly as I took a step toward her as she instantly took a step back. "I am here. This isn't London, you are not an escort, and I am not paying you to pretend to be anything." She blinked at me and was ready to say something when I pressed on. "I know everything. I know you are actually a secretary at Fantasies, not an escort. I know you love the company Barns Patrick and why you were there that not. I spoke to Jasper the very day you left to solve this mystery about your true purpose for accepting my proposal 6 months ago. At first I was angry because I thought you were pretending the whole time we were together. But, after I calmed down and really thought about our time together, I knew that it couldn't be true. I believe with all my heart that you do truly love me and if I am right, know that I love you more than words can express. Tell me I am alone in this feeling. If I am, I will walk out of this house and never enter your life again but if I am not, I will walk across this room and kiss you senseless."

Silence fell over us and I watched as tears appeared in Kristen's eyes. Her tears were the last thing I wanted to see because the desire to wipe them away was burning inside me. Yet, I couldn't do anything because I had no permission. "Harry," She sniffled. "I have done nothing but used and deceived you . . ." Her words trailed off as she choked back soft sobs. "How can you still love me after what I have done?"

"I love the girl I ate tacos with. I love the girl who I watched walk around Trafalgar Square. I love the girl who has her degree in accounting. I love the girl who I chased in the corridor. I love the girl I sat sleepless lyrics beside in the hospital. I love the girl I cuddled with every night as I fell asleep. I love the girl I sat with at Greenwich. I love the girl who broke my heart the day she told me she was leaving me. I love the girl in front of me right now crying. I love you, Kristen. Please, come back to me." As I said this, I outstretched my arms to her.

She stared at me as her tears spilled over and she covered her mouth with her hands and turned away. Seeing her shoulders shake was hurting my heart and more than anything, I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to love her. My heart was full of only her and ever since she had left me in London, my thoughts were only of her. I wished I could have followed her the day she went away, but I know that that wouldn't have helped. I know everything now, about her, about us. The stars have aligned and I am ready to be with her forever and always. I finally can let go of all my reserves and love her. Can she do the same? It was now that I would find out. When she looked over her shoulder, her eyes met mine and I smiled warmly at her. Without another hesitation, she crossed the room quickly and ran into my arms, wrapping her own right around my waist. Instinctively, my arms closed around her body and I pulled her close. I smelled her sweet hair and sighed happily at finally feeling her in my arms again. This wasn't a dream... this was real. I could feel her tears wet my shirt as she pressed her face to my chest.

We stood like that for a minute or two. The time didn't matter anymore because I finally had her back. When her tears finally stopped falling, I used one of my hands to tilt her head up to look at me. I could see the lines from here her tears had been falling. I leaned down and kissed them ever so softly, allowing my lips to brush her skin before I pressed them to each of her cheeks. I pulled back slightly so I could look into her ivy green eyes before I closed mine and placed my lips onto hers.

This kiss meant so much more than any other kiss. This kiss will forever be remembered as the one that unlocked ourselves and we stepped out into freedom. We had been through so much together, had tried to put each other off from one another, but it was no use. Finally, I can say that I let go and fell freely into the arms of the one I love. After our kissed ended, I pulled back and looked into the eyes of the girl who I love with all my heart.

After 4 long months, I finally saw and heard what truly made my heart skip a beat. Kristen smiled up at me and whispered ever so softly, "I love you, Harry."