Love Wholeheartedly | JB| a.u | BWWM

Twenty Two.

Aisha and I took it easy all day. We spent the morning nursing ourselves back to health with a big breakfast and coffee to take away our throbbing headaches and then we watched some cartoons on tv.

After all of that, we went off to a spa for some relaxation and we ended the day with pizza in Aisha's apartment while watching some movies.

Actually, I was doing the movie watching. Aisha was busy texting her boyfriend and kept giggling and smiling at her cellphone screen.

I was jealous.

I couldn't stop thinking about Justin, especially since his little visit in the morning.

I'd been quiet most of the day, only speaking when spoken to. Maybe that's why Aisha found it better to chat to her man. I was boring her.

I made a mental list of things I thought were the reason I didn't want to go back to Justin yet:
1) I was still a victim to my past; I wasn't entirely over everything.
2) I felt too dependent on Justin, so much that a life without him was painful to imagine.
3) I was scared.

Scared? Of what? Justin? He'd forgive me for acting up, I knew that. And he was more than willing to continue fighting for Maya. What was I so scared of? What was I running away from? A life of luxury and a man who loved me so much-- flaws and all-- that he was willing to take in a child that wasn't his?

I was scared of commitment! The thought of pure happiness-- being a wife and a mom-- scared me! I'd wanted happiness for so long and it was finally here but it freaked me out because... because I was still looking over my shoulder; constantly comparing the old me to the new me.

"Dileah." Aisha rubbed my back gently.

I blinked away some tears, quickly wiped them and put on a smile.

"This scene isn't even sad," she said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I lied. "I'm just tired. I've had a long day."

She knew what was going on in my mind.

"Okay." Was all she said though.

I got up and ran my fingers through my straightened hair.

"Look, I should probably head back to the hotel. I've taken over your space. I need to get myself together." I said.

"I really don't mind--"

"I had fun with you." I smiled. "Thank you."

"I'll... I'll drop you off then."

"I'll take a cab, it's okay."

Aisha was about to say something but I cut her off before she could even speak.

"I don't mind." I told her.

She nodded.

"I had fun too. Thanks for letting me take you out and stuff." She said.

I smiled.

"You have my number if you want to talk. Any time of the day or night, if you want to rant or cry, I'm here."

"Thanks, Aisha."

"No problem."

I went to get my belongings and walked to the door.

"Dileah." Aisha said.

I looked at her.

"I really hope that you and Justin can work something out. That little girl you wanted to adopt would be very lucky to have you both as her parents."

I frowned and left the apartment.

'Great, more pressure.'

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