Looking Beyond The Lies (Drarry) (Boyxboy)

Chapter 20

When Harry didn't say anything, Draco kept talking. "It hurts a lot, in here," he sat up and touched his own chest, where his heart lay underneath, "and here sometimes," the second time he pointed to his head. "I don't always feel adequate... It's hard to say a lot of things, and explain them to you." Draco took a deep breath, tears crowding in the corner of his eyes.

"I don't know how to say what it is that I'm feeling, I just know it hurts. There are many days where I just want to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head, or I want to sleep and never wake up. There are days where I get so irritated at the smallest things." Draco had picked up Harry's hand and fiddled with it while he spoke.

But Draco didn't have to explain because Harry knew exactly what he meant. He let go of Draco's hand and gently took the boys face between his, clutching it and caressing it. " You don't have to explain. Depression is a hard thing to talk about, and an even harder thing to understand," he said softly, thumbs brushing the tears gathering in Draco's eyes. "I know sometimes it's hard to feel adequate but please remember that you are. You always are. You're worth more than you think. To me, you are worth everything." Harry's voice was low, and it cracked in his last sentence.

Though Draco was sad, and his heart was heavy, he couldn't help the warmth that spread through it. As he sat up on Harry's lap, he rested his hands on his shoulders. "You are good to me. I just need somebody, to lean on on the rougher days."

He rested his forehead on Harry's, their eyes so close they could see stars in them, noses almost touching. He felt a small weight lift off his shoulders at having Harry understand, that he didn't have to explain much of anything.

Relief was such a wonderful feeling. Draco didn't know how to explain it but it was like euphoria.

"You will always have me, even when you think you don't." Harry placed a delicate hand on Draco's arm, softly rubbing the skin as he thought out his words. It was true, every thing he said said was true. "I promise."

Draco was going to say something about how people shouldn't go making promises if they don't intend to keep them, but he had a feeling Harry was telling the truth.

Telling the truth.

It mostly started when he was younger, Draco thought, when he first realized that his suffering wasn't normal. He wasn't stupid, he knew what it was. 

He guessed it was from being treated with such disdain by his 'family', always being isolated and locked up. It got to him, to his head, leading him to think all sorts of things. Unhealthy things.

Depression took time to overcome. It wasn't just something that someone could just expect to overcome within a day or two. It didn't work that way. Those sorts of things never do. 

Sometimes there were days were Draco felt like they were the longest days of his life. That they seemed to drag on forever, like a hellish nightmare. His lamenting sadness seemed to never end. True that there were days where he was happy, when he felt an almost impossible high, but at the end of the day it was the sadness he always seemed to fall back on. 

Most days he just had to swallow whatever hole of pity he was in and do what he had to do.

It was from this life that he grew, his vow of silence shattering when he made his first real friends. He wasn't so stuck in his head as when he was younger, because now he had things to appreciate and people who appreciated him. 

Though his depression was far from over, the worst of it seemed to have passed. The days of suffering in silence, with compressing dark thoughts looming over hid head were over. He still suffered now, only now in silence. He had Harry to fall back on now, when the days get too rough for him to handle. 

And if he needed, Ron and Hermione. Though he still needed to tell him, he was sure that they had probably actually figured it out for themselves and just hadn't said anything because they didn't want to pry or push. Hermione probably wanted to ask but maybe it was Ron who held her back in the first place, saying that Draco had needed his space.

When the time comes and he feels right, he'll tell them. And he'll thank them so very much with tears in his eyes, for being his best friends, for always understanding and always caring. That's just who they were.

"I think you should go to bed, darling. You look so exhausted." Harry's voice snapped Draco from his thoughts and he looked at the beauty before him with droopy eyes. His body was barely functioning at the moment. "You're slipping from consciousness. Up we get." 

Harry grabbed ahold of Draco tightly as he got up from the chair with little difficulty. Once he was up, he set Draco on the floor and then went to his dresser. He searched for a plain shirt and pair of shirts that would fit Draco.

When he turned around, Draco was patiently waiting at the door, watching him through hooded eyes. With an eyebrow raised, Harry questioned, "Where do you think you're going?" 

The blonde crack an eye open wider and looked around in confusion. "Bed?"

"I don't think so. You're not setting foot outside that door. Especially when you could drop unconscious at any moment. That would be ghastly." Harry hastily ordered, dropping the clothes on the bed and striding over to the blonde.

He gathered him up in his arms and held him for a few seconds, before he pressed a chaste kiss to his head and led him to his bed. 

"Let's get you out of that uniform." Harry's voice was a soft lilt as he began to unbutton Draco's shirt. The blonde stood there sleepily, not really moving as Harry did button after button. 

When he'd undone all of the buttons, Harry ran his hands gently up the smooth planes of Draco's chest, his hands reaching his shoulders causing the garment to fall to the floor. His eyes flickered a last time over the white torso in front of him before he reached  for the plain shirt he had brought.

He'd gotten it on Draco with minimal effort. Harry guided Draco to sitting down on his bed so he could pull of his shoes. He pulled one foot up and rested it on his knee as he crouched, undoing the lace and pulling the shoe off. He tossed the shoes aside and did the same with the other foot, leaving his socks on.

He didn't bother making Draco stand up again as he undid his pants. He just shimmied them down under his butt and off his legs. For a few seconds, Harry's eyes gazed over the creamy skin of Draco's legs. They were fit and had minimal blonde hair covering them. Harry pressed a kiss to one of Draco's knees as he grabbed the plain shorts and hefted them up the blonde's legs and back over his butt.

When Harry finished dressing Draco, he helped him get into bed. Draco was very thankful to Harry as his eyes closed for the last time. The beauty was a treasure. 

He had a sudden thought. "What about Ron and Hermione?" His speech was almost unrecognizable, slurred with sleep but Harry didn't miss it.

"You've stayed out before. They know you'll be fine, but I'll notify them anyway." Harry said daintily, carding a hand through the soft abundance of Draco's hair.

With that, Draco fell into the realm of sleep, thinking about raven haired beauties.

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Hey guys... I'm sorry it's been so long. I've been on hiatus for a while because I couldn't do anything. I still tried to update but every time I tried to write, but only a few sentences would come out. Sorry I didn't post a note or something. I've only got 2 weeks left of school and then block exams before summer break, which i'll have a lot of free time so hopefully I'll be able to crank out quite a few updates. I've been trying to write 3 books at once as well, which is so much harder than it sounds, so I don't know how other author's do it. As for this chapter, well, it's about depression and the struggles of it. If you suffer from it and want someone to talk to, I'm always here for you guys. Being a chronic sufferer of depression, I understand. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry it's been so long.