Looking Beyond The Lies (Drarry) (Boyxboy)

Chapter 21

The sky was gray, and it had cried, heavy tears hitting the ground at a fast pace all day long. They bled into the earth, sinking deep underground. "The sky cries, a heavy grief, the sun hides away." Harry mused, twirling his quill around his fingers. He sat at his desk, propped right up against his window where he could have the best view of the playing fields. But forsooth, luck was not in his hand, for the crying skies were bleak and bleary, painting a dismal gray scene in the portrait of his window.

"Brighten day, every day." Harry's quill scrabbled across parchment under his delicate touch, words adjoining in ink across the page. Harry was not one to brighten someone's day, being, as it was the exact opposite of his personality, but he'd come to realize over the last few weeks that he'd do anything for Draco, anything to see that beautiful grin of his stretch across his face.

He just so happened to be making a list of all the possible things he could do for Draco each day, whether they be big or small, to relieve him of the burden he was carrying. If it meant digging his feet into the dirt and shouldering some for him, he would do it.

The thing for Harry though, was no thing was too big or too small for him. Call him a sap, but he just so thought that Draco was the most beautiful boy he'd ever laid eyes on.

"Offer to carry books." Harry jotted down the second thing that popped into his mind. Carrying Draco's books might give people the wrong idea, but what if that was the idea he wanted to give them. It's not like he though what other people cared anyway. No, he'd far too long passed that stage, and now, nothing could bring him to care a single ounce of what other people thought. Not that it mattered anyway because dear Harry was the ol' Slytherin Prince himself.

The boy sat there for a while, pondering many, many things. Thoughts came and went as the sun set behind the clouds, sending the afternoon into an eerie evening. The one thought that continuously crossed Harry's mind was how do you help a person with depression? Because never before had he had ever come into contact with someone with depression. Sure he'd heard it was fairly common amongst teenagers, but he'd never really bothered to scope it out.

Above all else, Harry was ready to drop anything he was doing at the snap of a finger for Draco. It wasn't that he felt he had to, but rather that he wanted to, because in such a short span of time, Draco had come to mean so much to him. And to him, it didn't matter if they weren't in a relationship, so long as he has the blonde's company.

Harry stood up from his desk and stretched, his back arching in a prominent shape. "I need a little more expertise on the subject at hand." On that note, Harry left his pad and quill at his desk, choosing to come back to it at a later time. He grabbed a coat out of his wardrobe and swung it around his shoulders. It was still quite a bit nippy outside.

On the other side of the castle, up in the dorms, dear Draco lay on his bed, hands clutched tightly into fists under his pillow. The boy felt small and insignificant, as he usually does. There was no explanation for it, or at least, Draco couldn't think of one. He turned over onto his back. Everyone else was at dinner, but he didn't feel up for it, not tonight.

Instead, Draco pulled his music player out from under his pillow and looked over it with tired eyes. The small rectangle in his hand held so much significance to him that he couldn't count the number of times he had fallen asleep crying to the sound of the sad playlist on it. That's all it held, sad songs, for he only listened to it when he felt like this.

Draco unravelled the earphones from around the music player and put one bud in, turning the volume low so he could just hear it. Despite being locked in a cupboard most of his life, the Dursley's had let him get a casual job during the times he came home to earn his keep around the house, as if he didn't already do that. The job had let him save up to buy him self something special, and the music player was what he bought. Again, despite being locked in a cupboard most of his life, he did keep up with the times of music.

As Draco stared up at the beige ceiling, the song floated through the bud in his ear. Tears pricked his eyes, as they had been for the last twenty minutes or so, but the boy couldn't cry. He couldn't cry even if his life depended on it, so he stared blankly into space while feeling his already mangled heart find another way to rip itself apart.

Ever since I could remember, everything inside of me, just wanted to fit in.

He wasn't sure what it was, but had he ever been? Sometimes Draco was sad for no reason; he would be with people, he'd be fine, he'd be happy, he'd be laughing, but at the same time it almost felt like he wasn't there. He would be dazing in and out of conversations, he couldn't focus on one single thing.

I was never one for pretenders, everything I tried to be, just wouldn't settle in.

And once he's by himself, well, it began a whole different story. Draco would be by himself, and he wouldn't want to do anything, he was sad and felt alone. The few times when Hermione or Ron had managed to coax more than blank stares out of him, and they asked what was wrong, Draco wanted to tell them. He so desperately did, but how could he when he didn't even know what was wrong with him.

If I told you what I was, would you turn your back on me? And if I seemed dangerous, would you be scared?

Draco hardly knew what to tell himself when he rolled back on to his side, hands once again clutched into tight fists under his pillow. He gazed blankly at the grey stone wall off to the side, letting the song run through his head. It was comforting to have that small bit of background noise.

I get the feeling just because, everything I touch isn't dark enough. If this problem lies in me,

There were days, so many days, when Draco didn't want to live anymore, to get out of bed, yet he still got up, had a shower, got dressed and went to classes, only to come back each afternoon and collapse with emotional exhaustion. Some days were worse than others. In some ways, the blonde felt relatable to the song. The problem began and ended with him, it always did.

I'm only a man with a chamber who's got me. I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me,

He wasn't. He was a boy. Just a boy with something fierce inside of him. Something he couldn't control by himself. Whatever it was, it had latched on tight, and taken control of most of his life. That night when he sat by the fire in Harry's lap and told him how broken he was, Harry wrapped his arms around him and whispered sweet words in his ear, persuading him that he was here, and he wouldn't leave.

A monster, a monster. I've turned into a monster.

Maybe he had...

Sleep came to Draco sooner than he expected. He was not physically tired, but rather emotionally. The dorm was dark and quiet, sans the patter of rain outside. With one ear, he listed to his music, and with the other, he listened to the rain. The sounds clashed in a driven way, somehow selling the beautiful blonde off to sleep.

Draco was a boy, with a troubled mind and an aching heart. He needed someone who could patch him up. But he didn't know if there was a person out there that could possibly fix so much damage, let alone deal with so much baggage.

But Draco looked at him every morning, every day, and every night. Often times they exchanged kisses and sometimes Draco sat in his lap by the fire.

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Hey, it's been a while.. Sorry I left you all hanging for so long and I know I'm always making excuses for it but I don't know anymore. This chapter was hard to write, I'd been stuck on it for a long time, writing and deleting, more writing. Idk what it is, probably some representative of my poor life. I don't even know if you guys read these, but I love you.

You also probably got notified a few times that I had updated this chapter. Those were accidental, it was probably midnight and with my pea brained vision I clicked the publish button because that's normally where the save draft button is..