Just For Show (EDITING)

Chapter 53 - "I need time to grieve"

The next morning, Jess helped me pack my things. As I started to put my clothes into my suitcase, my hands came across one of Harry's sweat shirts. I held it in my hands in silence. The comfort that it brought me was still there making me hate it even more. I stared at it hard trying to figure out what to do. In the end I ended up sneaking it into my suitcase without Jess seeing it.

Arriving to the Dallas show, I buried myself in my own sweatshirt and hide under my hoodie. Jess helped me go into my own dressing room without any of the boys noticing. But it didn't take long before Harry was banging down my door. He was shout my name out for everyone to hear but I refused to open.

Closer to show time, I think Jess noticed I wanted to be alone. So she left the room locking it behind her. I heard part of her conversation with Harry. Jess cursed him with just about every word I could think of. But I didn't expect her to be mad at him forever, after all he was her brother. I truly didn't want to ruin their relationship.

The last concert of the Fire and Ice tour had just ended. It was the most emotional I had ever been in a concert, I think everyone noticed too. I seemed to sing all my songs directly at the fans. I avoided singing looking at any of the boys.

Usually for the last couple of shows, the love songs were mainly sung by Harry and I singing to each other, but I didn't let that happen tonight. Tonight was about my fans.

But now it was over. I was once again in the locked dressing room but this time I was taking my make-up off instead of putting it on. I had put on some plain jeans, a sweatshirt, and with my hair up in a bun. 

I picked up my IPad and put leaning against the mirror so it was facing me. Soon enough my index finger touched the record button.

Seeing the red light blinking, meaning that it was recording, intimidated me at first but I quickly got over it.

" This video is to my fans and to them only. You guys are the ones that deserve any explanation if any. Tonight was our last show, here in Dallas. It was an emotional show for many different reasons. One of the reasons being that it was our last show of our tour. You, the fans, are the ones that made all this happen for us, for me. The support you all have given to me, has meant a lot more than you guys can dream to imagine. I'm very grateful for you all" I smiled with tears in my eyes towards the camera.

" I joined All Oblivion around almost 11 months ago, almost a year. When I started, I didn't really know what to expect from this industry. I didn't know what to expect from the people I would meet. What I found was that this industry will give you a lot but take a lot more away. I sometimes feel like my life has been taken away from this industry. Going through an abusive relationship was one of the low points of it. It took my freedom away. I turned into a girl who was too afraid to speak her mind. A couple months later in December, my father who was in a coma, passed away. As much as there's was person there with me every step of the way to help me deal with it,  I still felt alone. The best man I had ever met was physically gone and there was nothing I could do about it. It's the end of February now and I still feel like all my emotions are bottled up inside" I said feeling like my throat was in a knot.

This was the moment that I was most nervous about.

This was the moment of truth.

" I need a break. I need a new scenario. So you all are the first people I'm letting know because I don't want anyone to be able to change my mind. I'm leaving All Oblivion. I need time to grieve. I need time to myself. I need time to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life" I explained with tears falling down my face.

I wiped the tears away with the sleeve of my sweatshirt but the tears continued coming down.

" I'm sorry if I'm disappointing all of you, that's the last thing I wanted to do. I love you all with all my heart" I nodded trying to stop crying.

~

AHHH

I know, I hate myself too for this

but a lot of things will still happen!

so a couple questions for you guys:

1. Do you want Cailin to forgive Harry?

2. How do you think Harry is feeling right now?

3. What do you think is Cailin's next step?

and I ask these questions because believe it of not, it makes me a better writer to understand what you all think

oh and I'm thinking of changing the cover but I don't have anything to put up for it. So if any of you want to make a cover for this fanfic please do and I'll put my favorite up giving you full credit of course!

love you guys!