random oneshots

Important... Kind of

Okay, this has nothing to do with one-shots but... This important, to me anyway.

It's October, the month of Halloween, high-school football and the most amazing weather of all time (unless you live anywhere in the Us with those hurricanes brewing). Although, this month also marks the end of suicide prevention month.

I planned to write something for it, something that would give you a good taste of my day to day life, but I missed it. Now, I don't care, I'm making you go through the misery of someone talking about suicide for the next thirty minutes.

I'm spilling my sob-story on a piece of paper, and I beg you do the same. (I ain't creepin' here)

Everyone has something sad in their life, everyone has had a miserable day, some have yet to have a day like this. Although, if you're 'normal', we have the ability to move on. Some don't. Although I'll tell you one thing: acts of kindness help.

Let's have an example, my friend left her english project at home, her bus was late, she watched her cat get run over by a truck and the lunch-ladies refused to give her food because she only had twenty cents on her account. When I saw her at lunch, she was a crying, sobbing mess. But I'll tell you, when I used the last of my money to buy her a lunch, I made her day.

Everybody has days like those, but not everybody has friends like that. 

So try to be that friend. Who knows, you might save their life.

Sadly, not everybody has friends like that. Friends they can cry on the shoulders of, friends they can tell their darkest secrets to and not have to be worried of who hears it. I am in that crowd of loners. Everyday for me is like a battle. Fighting against the darkness in my heart. A naive fool in a world of liars.

I don't have a verbal output for all the anger and confusion I feel inside my heart. I was once this happy, hyper kid but now, I'm all alone in a crowded room. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just acting out the motions as these dreaded and horrible things swirl through my mind.

My own thoughts honestly scare me. They are like some demon in my head, spewing ideas into my subconscious.  It's really scary. I've considered self-harm multiple times, but when I've picked up the blade, I lose all feeling in my arms and put it down. My I'm a bit of a coward, but it keeps me from looking like the depressed version of Wade-Wilson so I'm a happy camper.

At one-point, I thought about the positive effects of my suicide. How much darker can my thoughts get?

Although, I'm telling you all the feelings I'm feeling, all the effects they have, you may be wondering 'why do I have these emotions in the first place?'

Well, let's start from the beginning.

Lies, all my life I had been lied to. My mother had lied to me, my father, my doctors, my teachers, everyone.

They either pity me, or use me for some alternative motive. Even my father, who I have been through think 'n' thin has lied to me, for my own good of course. I feel betrayed, backstabbed- it feels horrible. My mother (who has divorced my father) won't stop talking bad about him.

I love my father to pieces. She ruined my childhood, instead of filling it with joy and adventure, she filled it with yelling, fighting and verbal torture. Yet here I am, sitting on my bed, typing this all out. It's been nine-years since this began, but I sit here, still wondering who I can trust.

My childhood, life and uniqueness have been torn to shreds by Mother using me as a tool for revenge against my father. She sold all of his Cd's on Ebay, takes his money and uses his own children against him, to make him feel pain and misery.

It's horrible, knowing that I am nothing more than a toy to a vindictive woman, who I am forced to address as my mother.

Luckily, this is coming to an end; I have talked and people have been realizing the truth. They now know part of what is going on in her mind. You need to tell people you trust! Speak up about it and put your misery and suffering to an end!

There is always someone out there holding a hand out to you, and you need to stand up for yourself and accept it! If you make the assumption that nobody is there for you, you are wrong. According to several official websites, at least six people will be immediately effected if you jump of that building, or drink that glass of bleach.

Although, let's end this on a positive note. For those of you that suffer in silence, you can trust me. Feel free to Pm me anytime if you have something on your chest!

If you never saw a hand in the dark room, hit the refresh button. I'm sure I'm not the only one. But if so, think of a virtual hand reaching through the computer screen, here to pull you out of the darkness.