The Everyday Life of a Villain

That 1975 Song (Aka: Sex)

Prompt 18: Write a chapter in which your villain gets drunk to celebrate a criminal victory

~~~~~

It has been however long it's been since I adopted the two little shits that showed up at my house a while back.

And now things are getting back to normal. Well, I mean, there was a shit ton of paperwork, I had to go to some stupid parent-teacher conference - that one powered teacher Ryan has is legit - and it's all good.

Now, the two are on their very first overnight field trip so what better way to celebrate than commit three crimes in one night? That was a few hours ago.

It is now around two o'clock and I went to get drunk with my friends at the bar on 9th. We drank and talked for about an hour, but then they all had to hit the hay because they have a lot more courses than I do.

College.

So here I am, wandering the streets like one of those drunken losers. But hey, I got a shit ton of money and my kids are here, so YOLO. Did I really just think YOLO?

And that is how I end up in front of that one coffee house from forever ago when I went on that crappy date, remembered my shitty ex-boyfriend/partner in crime, discovered my powers, and talked to that one guy.

The one who looked like the kitty who didn't understand the meaning of sex. But I'm sure he knows what sex is...Now I'm thinking weird thoughts, great.

I stumble into the place and collapse on one of the armchairs. Is he even working today?

My question is answered when a glass of water is shoved right into my face. I look up and see the blurry face - ha, Twenty One Pilots joke - of Lex (Luther?) looking at me. I think he's smiling, but I can't be sure.

Damn it, I like being drunk. I don't have to drink it, I live in America home of 'Fuck Your Sugar Tax', but I drink it anyways.

I drink all the glasses he hands me, which is like a hundred billion.

Finally when I'm deemed sober enough by the ex-bartender, he sits across from me and smiles. "What's the occasion?"

I am so glad I'm sober. If I wasn't sober, I'd end up spilling everything and I don't want to chase him off just yet. He's actually pretty cute.

"The kids are out so I went to go party." I take a sip of the water and stare at him to see if he gets uncomfortable.

Just like the kitten who has no knowledge of sex, he isn't deterred. Instead, he just perks up a bit - like a kitten. "You adopted those kids? Good for you, man!"

Huh. Not the response I was getting, but sure! At least maybe if this all turns out good, I can get laid one last time before living the rest of my life as a single dad.

He starts to talk about something and I listen - I know I did - but I can't remember what he was talking about. I can catch a few words like 'ex' and 'sucks' and 'moving', but that's all. I think I might have said some things, but I'm not sure.

I do remember the words 'orphanage' very clearly, but I don't know who said it.

We end up talking for almost two hours before I pass out on the armchair. I only know that because I woke up at about nine and the note Lex left me said I passed out at around 4:30. What the hell, he didn't wake me up?

I find the note, right, and it's written in this cute little print that should probably be its own font, just saying. I once knew a girl who should have had her own font. I forget her name, but she was kind of odd, didn't talk much, but she had this weird mix of dry sarcasm mingled with this sweet voice. She sang really well. Whatever became of her, I don't know.

I don't even know where I know her from.

The note went like this:

Hey, Declan.

Listen, I have to run because my shift is over and as much as I'd love to stay and watch you sleep (you actually look really cute when you sleep, btw) I can't stay. So I just thought I should let you know what happened since you're probably freaking out. I let you borrow some of my spare clothes because I know you'll want to change, they're on the table. I brought you some of those medicine things that I gave to some other patrons at the bar on 9th I used to work at in case you have hangover, though I did a pretty good job of stopping that. Your kids called and I filled in for you; they just wanted to say goodnight. You should drop by again, I liked talking to you, it was fun.

x Lex

So that happened. I folded the note up and changed into the spare clothes. They were a little baggy - even though I'm pretty sure we're the same size - but they fit well. Geez, I look like sex. That's not such a bad thing.

Of course, it does end up being a little bad when you have to rush to pick up your kids from their field trip and all the parents are there, watching as you rush up in your 'just had sex clothes'.

Well you know what, we should be proud of the fact we love our bodies you assholes! I mean, c'mon, you've all had sex, these are your biological children! The product of doing the do!

Georgie and Ryan take one look at me before pulling out their wallets - that they bought with the money they stole from me that I stole from someone else - and passed it between them.

Those little shits took bets.

We walk past all of the parents and kids who are looking at us strange. Maybe the kids showed their powers, maybe they didn't. All I know is that we are being stared at because we're more fabulous than them because they look sleep deprived and I look like sex.

A/N Don't ask why I focused on sex, I was going to write his "origin story", but I decided to wrap that up with the "big reveal" BUM BUM BUM. Also, maybe it's because of Sex by The 1975. Listen to it, seriously, it's good.