Haeven

Chapter 6

Penny noticed that something was wrong and tried her best to cheer me up. When that didn't work she changed tactics. "Have you eaten?" she asked.

"I'm not feeling very well," I confessed.

I hoped she would understand and realize that I wasn't ready to talk about everything that happened. "Are you sure you're not hungry," she implored.

"Well, maybe a little," I said even though I was still somewhat reluctant. I didn't remember the last time I had eaten and Penny was trying so hard. I hated disappointing her.

"Why don't you go wash up and I'll see what I can put together for us?"

I trudged down the hallway and went to my bedroom. After I closed the door I walked across the room and sat on the edge of my bed. For a fleeting moment I wanted to throw myself down on the pillows and cry again; cry and cry until it was impossible to cry any more.

"Will every day be like this?" I asked myself. "I can't do anything right! Everything I do, everything I've done...it all seems so...so wrong."

I thought about Jesse and how betrayed he must have felt when they passed judgment on him.

"What do they do to the...outcasts?" my mind couldn't come up with a better word. "Do they kill them?" I wondered. "No, Herrik would never let that happen," I said with certainty. After learning he had taken such a terrible risk to protect Penny and myself I didn't think it was possible.

"But what about, Daemon?" I wondered if they judged him the way they judged Jesse. "Or maybe he ran away before they could. He must have done something horribly wrong if Carah was trying to kill him." I clenched my jaw, "I don't like her!" and though I thought it was something I had just decided it was something I realized right from the start.

"And poor Penny!" I tried not to imagine what they might have done to her. "Herrik told me she doesn't remember. He must have made her forget; Carah said that he could do that." I wished Herrik had made me forget; forget what I had done, forget why I was there...maybe even forget my mother and father and brother so I wouldn't miss them so much.

I pursed my lips. I didn't want to forget my family; they were the only happy memories I had but my heart ached to forget everything else. "Ugh!" I buried my face in my hands. "Herrik will never help me now. He told me himself, he wanted me to remember! He defied Artur so I would never put him or anyone else in such a difficult situation again. The memory of today was a reminder for me to think twice before ever trying to leave again. Herrik seemed to be well aware that I might not hesitate to put myself in jeopardy but I would never willing let anyone else get hurt at my expense.

Penny's soft rap on the door startled me out of all my dreary thoughts, "Emily?"

"Yep, I'm coming," I hopped off the bed, washed my hands and found her in the kitchen.

After we finished eating a steady stream of her friends came by with boxes full of her belongings. Most of them brought the packages to the appropriate rooms and left but a few lingered and helped her unpack. There didn't seem any reason for me to be there during these impromptu visits. Rather than staying cooped up and forced to meet any of the strange people that came by I decided to explore the garden.

I wondered if I could find my way to the pond again thinking that would be the best place to go without worrying too much about getting lost. As soon as an opportunity presented itself I grabbed a pair of shoes and slipped out the front door.

I was looking down as I exited, tugging my shoes on and as I hopped a step or two up the path I stumbled into Carah. She was standing with her back towards me looking out across the expanse of trees and shrubs.