Harry Bath - A Walking & Talking Disaster (Chapters 1-19)

REVELATIONS - PART 2

Howdy. I'm Harry. And if being a cunt was an olympic sport, I'd have more records than Usain Bolt and more medals than Michael Phelps.

My new life as sixth former was turning out just fine. Job? Check. Friends?Check. Girlfriend? Sort of check.

"Hey Harry, what's with you and Sofia? Is she your girlfriend?" *shrugs shoulders*

Although me and Sofia didn't (and never would) officially announce that we were Boyfriend and Girlfriend so to speak, it was established very early on that we were mutually exclusive to one another. But I soon learned that it could be much worse.

At this point in the story, we're still on October 16th, which is where for the first time in months, You Know Who became a part of my life again. The reason for this is because her and Jack had finally broken up. As much as I wanted to go in her face and be like:

"HA!"

... I couldn't, because on the other side of the picture was my friend, who wasn't just heartbroken, he was also just, broken. For all this time he was my enemy who I was constantly battling with. But he was still my friend, and he needed my help. I was both glad and gutted at the same time. It was bad enough because of the kind of person she was, but it was revealed a few days later that she was going out with Jack's then best friend, let's call him, Kev.

Kev, was the quietest person ever. As far as I'm aware all he did was play football, watch football, play football on the Xbox, do homework, and follow Jack and You Know Who around. Unlike the ballsy stallion that is me, he'd never spoken to a female, so it wasn't surprising that he jumped the first one to smile at him. It was so blindingly obvious that You Know Who was manipulating Kev into hurting Jack, and the dickless little turd was just so enticed by her evil ways to realise. The only thing I can say for Kev is that it's so easy to fall pray to her.

In saying that though, the one thing that saved mine and Jack's friendship is my resistance to her constant advances. Like Harry potter resisted Tom Riddle's death spell, I resisted You Know Who's. Although my scar isn't an awesome lightning bolt on my forehead that girls get frothy at. Instead, I was left with low self esteem, paranoia and a taste for vengeance against the female race.

This was the worst. I couldn't just wander over to Jack and miraculously become his friend again. I had to plan, wait, consider his feelings. I did all this, and it was only a short while before me and Jack had the talk of all talks. Everything came out in that conversation, meaning and the resentment died right there, and the re-birth of our friendship was almost complete. All it needed was a little time to adjust to our new, You Know Who free lives. She did fuck him around a bit for the first few months, but he got through it, leaving Kev as her next victim.

She fucked him up so bad that he too ended up in the youth loony bin, only he now has a problem meaning he can't even talk to another human being without breaking down. Yep. She fucked him up that bad.

Trust me, You Know Who is not to be messed with. Unlike Darth Jess, she is pure evil, through and through. And she wasn't done yet, although that will come later.

For now though, I had my own issues. Sofia had been acting strangely (well, even more strangely) for well over a week, and I couldn't work out why. It was bothering me for days. It was like she was hiding something. At first my obvious assumption is that she was sucking some other dudes cock behind my back, and it wouldn't have surprised me. But I kept good tabs on her for a few days, and I quickly ruled out any dick-sucking deceit. So what was it? What was she hiding?

It got even weirder. She started to act like she had to tell me something. Oh God, I knew what was coming. The "chat" with your soon to be ex-girlfriend.

Fortunately I was wrong. I said to her that if she doesn't wanna see me anymore, it was fine (which was a dirty big fat lie) and she should just say instead of torturing herself. She told me to get over myself as I wasn't worth torturing herself for, and after a quick laugh, she said it was something important and to meet her the next day at break.

Oh, fucking brilliant.

Only two nights beat that one for least sleep. Firstly, a party I went to recently where we played dares all night, and secondly the night after my Nana's funeral (God bless her) where I drank myself stupid and stayed up with my brother all night depressed.

It. Was. Awful. My friends were sympathetic though. Oh no they weren't, they laughed and said I looked like dog shit.

Brandon proceeded to prank me all day, which I really wasn't in the mood for. He does this thing where he pretends to painfully slam the door in his own face in the hope everyone will rush to his assistance so he can laugh at them. What happened was that hepretended to slam the door in his face, but actually he just smacked me square on with a double hinged door that flies towards you like a train in fast forward.

So now I was knackered and concussed, all thanks to Hall Cross' seemingly indestructible doors, and Brandon's idiotic way of "cheering me up".

For this next part, you really need to hold onto your hats. No, fuck that, your whole head! Because this part is seriously fucked up.

After a quick pat on the back from Tim, I met Sofia that breaktime. Firstly, we performed the usual ritual of going to Cooplands to get her a hot chocolate whilst the morons behind the counter buttered my bacon sandwhich (dirty bastards)

After that, we went back to school and began talking outside.

I was shitting myself. Knowing my luck, she'd have a penis I didn't know about or something.

The saddest part here is, after what she told me, a secret penis seemed a distant dream.

Penis' aside, Are you ready?

Ok then.

This is what she told me:

"I just wanted to let you know something because we've become really close recently, and it's hard for me to say this but, I have a baby daughter. I just thought you should know seen as we're sorta' going out"

A baby daughter. Like, a human infant. Yep. The nappy wearing, Cow & Gate eating kind.

Well. Fuck

Part 3 follows.

Thanks,

Harry.