Harry Bath - A Walking & Talking Disaster (Chapters 1-19)

MY JOB - PART 2

Hello. I'm Harry Bath. One day when I was violently ranting on to my Dad about my day, he turned around and said "start a fucking blog or something and stop mashing my head" So here I am, ready to mash yours instead!

I was only a month into the half adult/half child world of sixth form, but already my life had taken pretty dramatic turns. I had some new friends in Brandon, Sid and James. A new love interest named Sofia. And most surprisingly, a new job, meaning that I got to earn my own money for once without changing pissy bedsheets left behind by my younger brothers.

I spent the Sunday before my first working day with Sofia. As I didn't really have any cash yet, she elected that we went for a walk, and if you live where I do, you'll know that it's more pleasant to take a walk on hot coals than it is to walk around Doncaster Town Centre.

Hobos and chavs aside, there are some nice parts to Doncaster. And one place I never thought I'd develop a sentimental bond with, is Doncaster Police Station. Don't worry, I wasn't under arrest or anything (although my flirt talk was absolutely criminal). I tried everything to make her feel special, but she wouldn't budge. I didn't know why at the time, but it would become clear later.

For now, Sofia decided that we sit under a small tree outside the station. We sat there, and Sofia declared that this was now our spot. She found it "cute", whereas I found it completely contradictory to her earlier behaviour. I laid on her lap whilst she played with my hair, although I was pretty sure it's supposed to go the other way around... Regardless, we laid there for a good 45 minutes before we headed back to town and went home. I was completely dumfounded by the strong emotional bond I was quickly developing with this girl, and I arrived home distracted to say the least.

The following day, I spent half my time trying to decypher the code of Sofia, and the other half trying to stop my nosey-ass friends from asking me about her. Everyone had their own theory about what me and her got up to that day. Brandon believed that I either kissed her or asked her out, Sid didn't really care as long as I "put something on it", and Tim was convinced that I got a boner and spunked my pants in the middle of the bus interchange. Pre-Mature ejaculation in the Bus station. My life was pretty tragic, but it hadn't come to that yet

This babble alone would be enough to fry anyone's brain, without the even stranger behaviour that Sofia was putting across. She was also potless that day, meaning that for once I could say that my fingerwork had actually brought genuine pleasure to a girl. It was in the form of a Dr. Pepper from Cafe Six, but I was still pleased with myself. I was glad that someone needed me sometimes. It was a breath of fresh air from how people usually treated me. Even if Sofia only had the occasional outburst of Harry appreciation, I took it.

We walked to the bus station at hometime, and this is where shit really got real. If you've been at all following this blog properly, you'll realise what an absolute dick move I was about to make.

Like a complete cunt, I went home. Which is the worst place to go when you have your first shift at a new job in just over an hours time. It was 4:30 when I got home, meaning that I had literally no time to remember that I now had a job. It was bothering me all night. What was I forgetting?! What was it!? I checked all my homework, all my chores, everything.

And then it hit me. Like a kick to the bollocks, followed by a fist to the face. It was now 19:00, meaning my shift would be over in an hours time. I couldn't believe it. Gutted.

But now wasn't the time to sit around and wallow in self-pity.

Oh wait, yes it was.

My mother was furious. She demanded that I "marched" over there and begged. I told her they'd all be gone by the time I got there, and so I was forced to start writing a formal apology.

So the begging I didn't do to make Sofia hang out with me, I was now making up for in composing a speech I would make the following day to a man who consumed white chunks in his tea that weren't sugar.

How the fuck had this happened?! I mean seriously?! How could anyone forget such an important thing? The worst part was that for the next few days I kinda blamed Sofia unfairly, because in my head it was her fault for being so damn confusing.

Luckily Paul didn't sack me, and instead made me do my tutorial shift twice, which I'm pretty sure is illegal. However lawful the situation, I was just grateful to be given a second chance. The same can be said about Sofia, who accepted my apology for my dickhead behaviour a few days later.

She even paid me a visit once I'd settled in at work. We didn't let on that we knew each other, meaning I got to stand and pretend to talk to her about fish food. Betty had her suspicions, but nothing more. In the end Sofia bought a goldfish, which she named Harry.

I didn't know how to feel about that to be honest. But I took it as a compliment. She blew me a kiss and left, and Betty just scowled at me, knowing what I'd just done.

I often wonder where Harry the goldfish is now. If he's anything like the guy he's named after, I'd imagine goldfish hell.

But the suspicions of a middle aged dwarf who smelled like a gone-off Big Mac was the least of my worries. Things didn't stay peachy at Jollyes for long. In fact, I'd say forgetting that I worked there is the best of the bad things I did in my time there, which isn't great is it?

Thanks,

Harry.