Harry Bath - A Walking & Talking Disaster (Chapters 1-19)

REVELATIONS - PART 1

Hello. My name's Harry Bath. I'm a specialist at fucking up, fucking around, and not fucking anyone.

It was October 16th, meaning I'd been in sixth form for over a month now, and you'd think I would have slipped into some sort of rhythm. But all I had slipped into was a deep infatuation for a girl I was now spending at least half my time with. There was girls before Sofia, and unfortunately, I would have to tell you this part of my story eventually, so here goes.

When I was 15, I was friends with a guy named Jack, and a guy named Lewis. Ever since I moved to Doncaster when I was 7, they were the two people that were always around. By the time I was in year ten, they'd been there for literally half my life. But like all good things, a wench ruined it.

I won't say her name. It worked for you know who in Harry Potter, and she's as bad if not worse, so I won't tempt fate. It's a very long winded story, but bear with me. And a lot like Voldemort, just because she smiles at you, doesn't mean she's not evil.

On 22nd September 2011, I was verbally attacked by a school bully for brushing my hair. Of course, I kicked back by saying that it's only because I was with his mum last night and I hadn't had chance to clean myself up yet. Harsh maybe, but he asked for it.

Anyway, after showing the little rat boy up in front of everyone, he had it in for me. And like any hardman, he got his cousin to do his dirty work for him. So by Friday 26th September, I had an inbred nightmare on my case. They said they were cousins, but from looking at them you'd think that their brother was their dad and their mother was their uncle.

He came after me after Maths whilst on my way to Physics, and he punched me when my back was turned. So as I turned around to and started to get into my fight stance, a crowd appeared. He must've swung about 10 punches, but I was still stood up. Everyone was cheering, chanting, yelling. Even my brother came to gawk at how pathetic I was with his Year 8 friends. I hadn't thrown a punch yet, and I was both waiting for the right time to swing, and stood paralysed out of complete amazement at what was happening. But when the headteacher came running along I knew that throwing the last punch would give the illusion that I won, and to mine and everyone else's astonishment I proceeded to throw what remains the best punch I've ever landed. Ask anyone who remembers, the noise it made was sick.

Bosher! Black eye. Split lip. Nose Bleed. In one punch. I was amazed with myself! Although I did have a small bruise or two on my face. It was sore, but I managed to get by with an ice pack and a cheeky fag when I asked the first aid lady to "go for some fresh air".

After I'd milked the situation dry, I finally had to go to Physics.

I was never that good at science. The only thing I ever achieved was singeing my hair on the Bunsen burner and telling a teacher to "suck my nuts". But there was one reason that I enjoyed science in year 10, and that reason was, you know who. I'd been sat next to her since the start of the year, meaning that it'd been 22 days and I hadn't said anything. But when I came back from my brawl that lesson, she asked me how I was, and complemented me on my street fighter-esque punch. We got talking from there, and it only took a month or two for me to decide that I really liked her.

It was the following April before I started doing what normal teenagers do at 15. Going ice skating, swimming, hanging out with friends etc. You know who was embedded into our clan quite quickly in a way I still don't remember. But what I do remember is that was always readying myself to ask her out, and I never did.

By the time she got back from the French trip in May, she was already going out with someone. Namely, Jack.

I was gutted, and the events that followed ultimately ruined mine and Jack's friendship in the most violent and destructive way. It wasn't just Jack though, nobody else was exactly number 1 Harry fan, and it wasn't long before I was so hung up on you know who that I was rightly outcast from all but 2 of my friends.

Me and Jack became sworn enemies for a while. We argued, shouted, threatened, got violent. It was quite nasty. All whilst you know who just fuelled the fire with her lies and deceit.

The head of this chapter depicts me and Jack before you know who got to us.

I didn't even go to prom.

But from the experience I've developed a rather interesting way of living. I took an oath that form that day forward, if I ever liked a girl in future, even slightly, I would ask her out straight away, no matter how much I was afraid. No waiting, no thinking, no bullshit.

To this day, I have done just that.

Fair enough, I haven't ever succeeded, but I'm safe in the knowledge that if any of my friends get with a girl I like, I didn't have chance anyway. You know who however would always let me know that it could've so easily been me if I'd of just asked her first, and it was that simple.

I know asking out a girl I barely know straight away is probably the reason I've never been in a serious relationship, (that and the fact I'm an ugly douchebag), but I will never ever let someone else get there first. I want the truth and answers. Not regret and 'what if' for months without end. I figure that if someone liked me that much, they'd say yes regardless. If not, they never have and never will like me, so fuck them.

I also learnt that friends are the only thing that matter. Fuck wenches. Seriously. I've put it horrifically, but what I'm saying adds up. Same goes to you ladies. Fuck dudes. Your friends don't judge you on looks (or at least they shouldn't) or rip your feelings to pieces all for the sake of...

You see, that's it. For the sake of what?

It's so easy to save someone's feelings and not lead them on, but people do it anyway. And why? Nobody knows.

The only idea I have is that the people who get the most attention are the people who in reality are the loneliest.

And with that we're back to 2013. Which is where it gets even more fucked up.

But for now, I bid you fare-bye.

Thanks,

Harry.