chapter forty five

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I highly recommend you listen to the song on the side as you read this chapter.

Everything about the past either turns against you or helps you. It's all a matter of perspective. Your past can help you in ways you never knew possible or it could burn you into flames. Let's just say I was I was still figuring out where I belonged.

December 27
The worst thing about a heartache isn't the actual heart breaking. It's the loneliness that follows it.

The first thing I did when I got off the airplane was run to the nearest bathroom and empty out the disgusting airplane food they gave us. It should be illegal to make such horrible food. As I leaned over the toilet, vomiting everything in my stomach, I heard Rachel's voice outside of the bathroom.

"No. I can't do this anymore Rachel. I'm sorry but I have to tell her," I heard Tobias say. I stood up straight, the conversation grabbing my full attention.

"I never wanted this in the first place! It was you who walked in on me, remember? I don't care. Keep your mouth shut," Rachel angrily yelled back.

"I love her! I can't handle that she's mad at me. I need to make this right," he pleaded. I held my breathe as I heard their conversation, wondering what was going on.

"Then make it right Tobias," I heard her seethed. "But don't bring me in on this. I have enough to deal with."

I listened as Tobias sighed before I heard nothing but silence. I ran a hand through my hair as I exited the bathroom stall. I gripped the edge of the skin and stared at my reflection. My hair was rough and in a messy bun, not the attractive kind, and my eyes were red from the lack of sleep and the amount of crying I suffered through the last day. As I rinsed my mouth from the remaining vomit, I thought about that I just heard. What were they talking about? What did this all mean? Could... Could this all be a misunderstanding?

No. I shook my head, recalling the events that happened a couple of days ago. Rachel naked under Tobias's hoodie, the clothes behind her scattered everywhere, how Tobias was so eager for me to leave when I was at his hotel room. It was evident what happened there and Tobias didn't even deny any of it. So why was I so keen on believing there was a misunderstanding?

Because I'm a fool in love and I would believe anything that would make me feel better.

I exited the bathroom and saw Tobias a couple of feet away from me, waiting for his luggage. I got a glimpse of his other side of his face and saw a large nasty bruise forming on the side of his cheekbone. I gasped, recalling how Julian said he should've punched someone harder, but I didn't realize it was Tobias. He found his bag, grabbed it with ease, and left as quickly as he came.

December 28
He was in my every thought. Everywhere I looked I swore that I saw  him. But it was just my imagination playing tricks on me, once again.

I refused to go back to my apartment, knowing that I would be hit with a flood of memories. Instead I contacted Jamie and Will and intruded their plans. They both lived on campus resulting in them knowing all the places that had the best parties. I joined them, even though I hated college parties, and watched as they drank into a point of no return.

They would make a cute couple, I thought as I sat down on a crowded couch. Jamie was definitely anybody's type, she was gorgeous. As she danced I saw that Will noticed it too. He was leaning back against the wall, a red cup in his hand, and his eyes glued on Jamie.

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