Forbidden Love

chapter twenty seven

"If I'm being honest I'm nervous," I blurted out.

"There's no reason to be. I'm here with you," Tobias replied, rubbing little circles on my hand in a comforting manner.

"That's why I'm nervous."

Tobias frowned as he turned his body in front of mines. We were outside waiting for our reservation. The temperature was a chilling thirty degrees and I was surprised it wasn't snowing. Tobias had a scarf wrapped loosely around his neck but you could still tell he was cold. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were watery.

"I make you nervous?" He asked, his face scrunched up in worry.

I rubbed my arm with my free hand before looking back up at him. "You always make me nervous. I always have this tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach when I'm around you. Some people say it's a good thing. But I'm scared Tobias. This feeling I get when I'm around you, the way my throat closes up and my heart beats profoundly, scares me. You scare me."

Tobias's eyes looked full of emotion as he pulled me into a hug. I let my eyes flutter shut as I buried my head into his chest, inhaling his scent. I felt his lips touch my hair as he kissed me softly.

"I won't hurt you. I promise," he whispered close to my ear.

I took a deep breathe and allowed must to get over all my doubts and insecurities. For once I needed to stop thinking with my head and follow my hearts judgement.

"I promise," he repeated quietly, so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

I pulled back for a moment so I could look in his eyes, so I could see if he was telling the truth. "I would never forgive you if you do."

Tobias hushed me as he pulled me back in for another tight embrace. I felt my body temperature begin to warm by just being close to him. I loved it. I loved being held by him. It was the most comforting feeling I've ever experienced.

"You don't have to worry about that sweetheart. I'm here for you and will continue to be."

Tobias's words comforted me only slightly. Actions were louder than words and even though Tobias hasn't given me a major reason to distrust him, I had a horrible feeling that something bad was going to happen.

~*~

"Tell me you've been here at least," Tobias complained, nudging his head to a nice looking shop. Magnolia's Bakery was written and I shook my head. Tobias groaned for the fifth time tonight and I could help but chuckle.

"I don't eat out much!" I protested, defending myself. Tobias shot me a look that said I was crazy.

"You have this whole city to explore. You can try foods ranging from your typical American food to Italian food. Why wouldn't you want to try it?" He asked, bewildered.

I bit my lip and took a seat on one of the benches they had outside. "I never had someone to explore the city with. Sure, sometimes I went out with Noel and Scott but it didn't feel right. I always felt like the third wheel."

"That'll change soon," Tobias said, joining me next to the bench. "Before you know it we won't have to hide anymore."

We sat next to each other in silence. It was nice though. With my head resting on his shoulder, we watched busy bodies scatter in front of us. A couple came out of the bakery with a young child on the mothers hip. The little girl was giggling as her father made silly faces. My heart clenched at the thought of having my own family one day. I wanted my child to have a life I never could have, a life I always dreamt of having with a father and other siblings to keep them company.

"Tobias?"

"Hmm?" He softly hummed.

"Do you want kids?" I asked, sliding from under his shoulder. I shifted so that I was facing him. "Have you ever thought of having your own family?"

Tobias's face was unreadable. I hated when he controlled his emotions. It made it hard for me to know what he was actually thinking. For someone who's been going to school for four years to study people's behavior, it created a troubling feeling.

"I've thought about it plenty of times," he finally said, his voice deep and steady. "I don't know honestly. Sometimes I believe I could be the best father due to my own shitty experiences I've suffered. That would only make me want to love my child unconditionally, right?"

Tobias displayed a look of agony before continuing. "But... But what if I'm like him? What if I'm selfish and astringent with my own kids? I won't allow it. I'm not going to bring another human being in this life and have them think they're unworthy of love. Whatever love is."

I shook my head at him. I didn't know how much he craved to have a family, a family that actually cared for him.

"You won't be like him, how could you? I mean just listen to the way you describe having your own family. You don't want them to go through what you've been through. You'll do everything in your power to not be like your father."

There was a pregnant pause and I wondered what he was thinking now. I heard Tobias sigh and saw his eyebrows furrow together. I pressed my lips in a straight line and cup his jaw softly. His eyes look into mines as soon as I touched him.

"I think you would be a great father."

Tobias's eyes were slightly watery and I pondered if it was from the cold or if he was actually showing his emotions, not masking them behind a cold stone face like he usually does.

"Let's get you home, you look cold," he finally said, getting up.

Leaving now meant that I saying goodbye to him for tonight. I didn't want to say goodbye. I enjoyed his company, I craved it. I was tired of keeping us a secret. I felt like breaking up with Julian right now and then turn around to kiss Tobias. But then people would loose respect for me and it was already hard enough to get it.

"Stay the night with me," I spoke up, clasping my hand in his as we walked back to his Range Rover.

He looked down at me and gave me a sideways smile. "You actually want me to stay the night?"

I could feel my heart beat quickly at the sight of him smilingly so causally. I leaned into his shoulder so he couldn't see my blushed cheeks.

"I always want you to stay the night," I admit.

We stopped briefly as the light turned from yellow to red. We both continued to walk, side by side, hand in hand.

"So do I," he cheekily replied.

I brushed my hair out of my face so I could look up at him. He was already looking down at me with a wide grin. He bent down slightly and pressed his soft, pink lips against my own. I felt my body instantly receive a warm jostle. When he pulled back I couldn't help but mimic his ridiculous grin.

This chapter sucks, I know. I promise the next chapter would be more eventful. You know the drill vote/comment please!