ONLY YOU of BTS

Only You: Chapter 36

"What will I do, little Chim?" I utter, as I try to talk to it hoping that it will give me an answer but it didn't.

"Why are you not answering? Are you not talking to me as well, huh? You're just exactly like that idiot," I continue to utter.

Feeling irritated, I flick it with all of my strength but it just made it come back to where it was. I finally turn my body and lay on my back. I sighed in frustration because I realize that this is not going anywhere and that talking to a phone strap is useless.

Why talk to an object if I can just talk to a person instead, I give myself a thought.

I grab my phone, open the message icon and press Jimin's name. I start off by typing his name first but after a few minutes of thinking what to write I've decided to not continue and return my phone back.

I slowly remove the ring that Jimin and I have and raise it up towards the ceiling. "If only I can talk to my best friend then everything will be alright," I utter. "This is all your fault, you idiot!" I exclaim as I throw the ring away.

After I've thrown it, I instantly regret it. I alarmingly stand up and pick it up on the floor, brush off the dust and put it back where it's suppose to be.

"Are you alright?" my mom utters as she slowly enters my room. "What's wrong, dear?" she continues while she settles on my bed.

I look at her with a miserable expression in my eyes and jump on the bed and lay on her lap.

"What happened, baby?" my mom utters as she brush my hair off of my face. "I thought you had a great time?"

"I did but.." I hesitate to continue.

"But what, honey? C'mon, you know you can tell me anything," she says as she continuously stroke my hair.

I used to tell my mom all of my problems but I stopped once Seokjin left me. It feels like a very heavy burden to carry that's why I never bother to tell her anymore. It's just that I am fully aware that my mom is not getting any younger and giving her something to stress about will not be helpful. Also, I want to be strong for the both of us because we only have each other.

"Please tell me," she pleads.

But I guess I have no choice when it comes to this situation. I can't just let her worry about me without her knowing the reason. And I think I can't handle it by myself.

"Seokjin kind of.. kind of.. proposed to me and he wants me to be his girlfriend," I whisper, hesitantly.

"Well, that's great! I mean you want that to happen, right?" she asks, puzzled.

"Y-yes.. I mean.. N-no.. I mean.. I-I don't know.." I answer confusedly making my forehead furrow because thinking about it gives me a headache.

"You love him, right? So, why feel confused?" she continuously asks but I remained silent.

'You love him' a very simple question but is very hard to answer. The feeling of being hurt and to hate for the longest period of time made me forget what love feels like. So, I can't distinguish if what I'm feeling right now is love or not.

Jimin once said that forgiving Seokjin will get this straightened out but it didn't. It just actually made it worse. I expected that once I forgive him it'll all be over because he said it'll all be over.