Diaries Of A Directioner

Day Twenty Three

Day Twenty Three, 4/2/13

Journal;

I just read all of your journals all over again, and cried many times. The boys tried to comfort me but it just didnt help, or even work one bit. I miss you so much, i miss your hugs, i miss your kisses, i miss you. Today is four days after you passed away, and im so lost. I have slept in your room every night, tour was put on hold for me, and worst of all i have lost my princess. Ater finally finding someone so speacil, they left. Without saying goodbye, which hurts the most. Today is your funeral, i dont know how well i can manage, but im going  

, and im speaking about you. Rumors are going around about Emma showing up, but i wont let her in, Paul misses you. Youre being buried with my promise ring on. But im going to change that promise, I promise you Tessa, that every smile i smile is for you, every song i sing is for you, every breath i take is for you, and i will never feel the way i felt about you, for anyone else. I promise to visit you all the time, and be there when i can. How close i thought i was to finding my princess was unreal. But i did find her, it was you. Tessa, your my princess. And always will be. The thought of your name is killing me, and writing this brings tears to my eyes. Your mom told me yesterday how you did it. How you commited suicide, and why. She didnt know every detail as to why you did it, but i think i had a pretty good idea. I am so sorry i couldnt of been there to help. I wish i could go back in time to when you tweeted that and just leave the stadium to help you, but i didnt, and i totally regret it. I dont know how i can live without you, i swear, i could have fell in love with you so easily. How much you mean to me is unreal, and i justbdont know what to do. I feel tears streaming out of my eyes now, because i could have been the one to stop you, i could have been here in less than five minutes. When i said i could fall in love with you so easily, i think i am slowly. Is it too soon? I dont know, and now i will never know, because you are gone. If that Emma girl shows up, i dont know what i will do. I think Louis misses you a lot, he hasnt been himself lately, he has been really quiet. I cant stand knowing i cant see you again, it just hurts. You're gone. I cant seem to process it though my head, and i just wish i could. Its so hard, life is so upsetting, and depressing. Tessa, i wish i could see you one last time, its crazy how much i miss you, how much the boys miss you, and how much your mum misses you. Now, this is the last diary that will ever be written in here, so i need to make sure you know some things, even though i probably already said them.

1. I wish you would have called me, texted me, tweeted me, or anything. I would have answered immediately.

2. You're the best thing thats ever been mine.

3. I do love you. I know i said i could fall in love with you easily, and that i slowly was. But i do love you, i do.

4. I wish you were here with me.

5. Ill probably cry myself to sleep for a long time, knowing you're not here.

And 6,

6. Nobody knew about us, but im going to make sure people do know. I know and heard about how you got mobbed in your house yesterday, but thats because they knew we were hanging out. Im telling the world that you were mine.

Tessa, you mean the world to me. I wish i could tell you that, im crying, and tears are flying down my cheeks rapidly now. The tears are staining the paper, you want to know what the worst part about all of this is? I was the one who found you dead. I can't get the image of you lying there in my hoodie out of my head. It breaks my heart, and it kills me. That was the last time i got to hold you. I remember when i kissed you the first time, i was nervous, but you kissed back, so i felt good. I know this journal is dragging on, Tess, but i just dont know what to do. God i miss you, im sorry. I know you'll like Heaven, because you're an angel. I love you.

Love, 

Your boyfriend, 

Niall.

Authors note;

One last chapter left!! Ooooooh boy!!

Also, day eighteen, was supposed to be skipped! Sorry for the confusion!