Diaries Of A Directioner

Day Five

Present;

I was walking in the park, and stepped in dog shit, now i have shit on the bottom of my shoe. Lovely. I saw a few posters up around town about my absences, but nothing major. I have a meeting tonight, but ill probably be skipping. I like being on my own anyways, i might go see Mrs. Tomlinson. She always knows how to help me through things. My pencil broke too, so i cant write anything. Now i have to think about everything, sorry if something doesnt make sense, i dont always think properly. Right now im sitting at the beach, watching the waves crash onto the shore. Its beautiful, im going to have to write this down. Maybe someone down here has a pen? 

"Hi, i was wondering, do you have a pen or pencil?" 

I asked an older women, who was feeding pigeons. Pigeons freak me out, there faces are just, ugly. The older women pulled out a pen, and handed it to me.

Day Five 3/15/13:

Journal;

So, im sitting here at the beach, trying to clearly process things. Honestly, i feel better now. I just had to clear my head and get away from everyone. Im skipping the meeting tonight, and im going to see Mrs. Tomlinson. I wish i brought my laptop, i could talk to Niall. He would know what to say, he always does. I really need a shower too, im beginning to smell. Im kind of hungry too. Im going to see Mrs. Tomlinson, ill write later.

Present;

When i reached the building, i walked to Mrs. Tonlinson's office. 

"Mrs. Tomlinson?" 

I called out, as i knocked on the door. Her little head popped out from under her desk. 

"Tessa? Your appointment isnt till the 17th. Why are you here?" 

She looked worried. 

"I need advice." 

She nodded, with a smile. 

"Come in, sit down, and tell me whats up." 

I explained to her how i was feeling, how Emma has shut up and that things weren't getting any better. I also told her about how Niall and I were messaging back and fourth. Her eyes grew wide, and she smiled. 

"Is he your favorite?" 

She smirked at me, i shook my head. 

"To be honest, Louis is." 

She smiled even bigger. 

"Well since you're here, lets see your journal." 

I handed her my journal, and she read through it. 

"Your thoughts arent getting better, and you ran away? Tessa, you cant do that." 

I nodded my head. 

"I know." 

Just then, Emma walked in. 

"Hi Mrs. Tomlin- Ew, what the hell is this bitch in here for?" 

I stared at Mrs. Tomlinson, trying my hardest not to let it get to me.  

"Emma, im with a patient." 

Emma laughed when she said that.  

"Patient? Patient?" 

She laughed. 

"You're pathetic. Why do you even bother breathing?" 

She walked away laughing. I grabbed my journal, and the rest of my stuff, and left. I ran out the doors, i heard Mrs. Tomlinson yelling my name, but i kept running, and i wasn't stopping. This was beginning to be ridiculous and I couldnt handle it anymore.

Journal;

Right now, im crying, so if there is tear stains on the pages, im sorry. I just can't handle this anymore, even after running away, i still hate myself. Emma is right though, why do i try? Why do i breathe? Why do i bother living? I ask myself these questions every day, but i dont know the answer. And no one is helping me try to figure out the answer. I still have my ipod though, but its going to die soon. So i have to go home, but ill go home at night, so i get food, charged, bathed, a blanket, and some clothes. I dont think i can manage much longer without talking to Niall, we were just talking about me, and how i admitted to him that i tried to kill myself twice. And now im not responding? Well thats great. Shit, its starting to rain. Okay, well im going to go sleep under this picnic table. Xx

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IMPORTANT!

Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, its kind of short, but i have a busy day! So the next update wont be till tonight! And then from now on at night, because i have school tomorrow!

SHOUTOUT (in Louis's voice)

And i must say, i love all of the comments you guys are leaving! They each make me smile! But my favorite one this time was from DIRECTIONER9433 , Thank you to every single one of you reading this, i probably would have stopped writing if it weren't for you! I love you all! <3