Diaries Of A Directioner

Day Ten

Day Ten 3/20/13;

Journal;

Is it bad that im seriously trying to steal painkillers? I have tried in 3 different stores. But every time i get to that section in a store, i can't get myself to just swallow all the damn pills. Right now im sitting here, in a dark place, not sure where. Im crying. I miss Nialls smile. I miss my moms comforting hugs. I miss Mrs Tomlinson always trying to cheer me up. I hate myself for leaving because now i just want to kill myself even more. I just, i shouldn't of left. How stupid am i? Why do i let stupid shit like that bother me? Why do i bother breathing? Theres no point to try. I mean, Emma is right. No one wants me here anyways. I try to make people like me, but look where it got me. I never had any real friends up till Sarah. But i guess Sarah isnt a true friend. I dont have any friends actually. Maybe thats why i dont care? Because i have no one to help me, to talk to me, to make me feel wanted. I feel like everyone hates me. I even hate me, and it hurts to think that. I honestly dont know what the hell it feels like to be loved. And i mean someone want to define the word trust to me? Because i have no idea what trust means either these days. I can't keep living like this. I absolutely can't stand this. I want to die. I mean its not my fault, I just cant handle pain very well and I guess thats what Mrs Tomlinson was for but you see how that worked out.

Present;

Im starting to walk around this city, its almost 4 a.m. Im extremely tired, And i think its getting ready to rain. I need to go home.  

"Do you see her?" 

I heard voices behind me starting to talk behind me, i began to walk faster. 

"Come in walk faster!" 

I heard a man yelling, i ran. I dont know where i was planning on going, but i just ran. I ran into a damn dead end. I turned around, and saw 4 men staring at me. 

"Who's going first?" 

The taller man asked as he looked at the other 3 men. One of them stepped towards me and covered my mouth. 

"Dont scream too loud." 

He winked at me, then touched my arm. I was afraid to scream, or do anything. I was afraid to get hurt. 

"Don't touch her. Or you'll deal with us." 

I heard an Irish boy say bitterly. Niall. He came. But who was he with? The man standing in front of me let me go and he turned around and faced the group of boys. One by one did the group of men fall to the ground. Once all of them were knocked out, Nialls eyes locked with mine.  

"How did you.." 

He shook his head and ran to hug me. 

"Never do that again, okay?" 

I nodded my head, and when we parted he lead me and the group of boys out of the alley and back to his range rover. We sat there in silence, and it was pretty awkward, until one of the boys said something. 

"Can we tell her Niall?" 

One of them whined, i was confused. Tell me what? 

"Not till we get back to your flat." 

Niall said sternly. I was even more confused now. I just wanted to go home. 

"Wait? You're not taking me home?" 

I asked, he shook his head. 

"Dont worry, youll understand and then not want to leave. I promise. But if you still want to leave afterwards, ill take you home." 

Niall said with a smile, he slid his hand into mine. I heard laughing coming from the backseat.  

"Lou-" 

"SHUT UP." 

One of them yelled. I was still so confused, but i had a feeling i knew what, and who was in the backseat, but i didnt say anything.

----

"Lets go." 

One of them in the back said, i got out of the car and found Niall at my side. I was really starting to get feelings for him. And i was scared. If he found out, he had the power to hurt me. I walked nervously next to him, why was i nervous? Maybe because i was finally meeting the rest of my idols? Maybe.. I dont know what im feeling right now. I just want to sleep. 

"Tessa, id like you to meet One Direction. Well the rest of it." 

Niall said, the boys slowly started taking off their hoodies and glasses. I dont know if i scared them or what, but im pretty sure i screamed. 

"Sorry.. I couldn't help it." 

They all laughed, i just stood there awkwardly. 

"Umm, im pretty tired. Id love to chat but i need some sleep." 

I said, niall smiled and lead me up the stairs to a room. 

"You can sleep in here." 

He said with a warm cheeky smile. 

"Is this your room?" 

I asked, he nodded. 

"Where will you sleep?" 

"Probably on the couch." 

I shook my head, and pointed to the bed. 

"Sleep in here." 

"With you?" 

He asked after a moment of silence. I nodded, to be honest i was scared that i would try to hurt myself if i was left alone.

Journal;

Tonight im staying with the boys. And im sleeping in the same bed as Niall Horan. I cant explain how im feeling after today. Because i was basically almost raped by four men. The thought about that gave me chills. I was terrified to be alone. Does my mom even know im alive? I really dont know what to do with myself. I cry myself to sleep nightly, i dont know what i did wrong. Where, when, and how did i screw up? Maybe i should ask that son of a bitch named Emma. Okay, well i need some sleep. Goodnight. Xx

Present;

I closed my journal, and crawled into bed. Niall laid on the opposite side of me. 

"Were you suprised when you saw the boys?" 

I started thinking back to when i first saw them, i wanted to jump into all of their arms and cry. I remember when i didnt listen to them at all. And now, im laying in the same bed as Niall.  

"Yeah, sorry about when i screamed." 

He laughed. 

"Dont worry about it. We're used to it." 

I laughed, i curled up into a ball. What if Niall cuddled with me? Wow. Tessa, no. I mean, i wouldnt mind if he did. But hes a celebrity, he would never. I closed my eyes. 

"Goodnight Tessa." 

I heard Niall say softly. 

"Goodnight Niall."

SHOUTOUTTT!!! 

Omg. I loved and i mean LOVED every comment that everyone posted. I can't decide.

Umm..

Dedicated too... DRUM ROLE PLEASE ...

shelbsHoran and SwedishScott!! 

Go follow them lovelies, it was hard picking favorite comments, but these ones made me feel good. And im saying that if you guys ever need someone to talk to, im here.

Anyways.. The story...

SORRY IT WAS A SHORT CHAPTER. THANKS FOR THE READS!! I have gotten quite a few in the last day! Last night i went to bed with 245, this morning i woke up to 906! Now i have almost 3K !! I LOVE YOU GUYS !! You deserve two chapters today :)

Sooo.. If any one can guess what happens next gets a shoutout, and may appear in this story or my next story in the upcoming future. ;)