Diaries Of A Directioner

Day Four

Authors Note; 

Hi guys ! I just wanted to say thank you soooooooooo SO much for reading, i will be putting my own, personal note at the end. And i wanted to say THANK YOU! And Give a HUGGGGEEEEE shoutout, so SHOUTOUT (read that in Louis's voice) to Direction9433 , and NiallsOtherHalf for being so active and for being so nice in their comments! Anywhooo, heres the chapter. OH one more thing, im giving another shoutout in the next chapter for nicest comments. :) ENJOY.

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Day Four 3/14/13

Journal;

Well, i was kind of upset when i woke up this morning and was breathing. No matter how phsyco that sounded. I cant help it, i hate my life. My mom isnt making me go to school for a few days, and to make things worse, someone found out i tried to commit suicide again. Its all over twitter, and i dont know where to go, or who else to talk to, so i winged it. I messaged Niall Horan on twitter. I know he gets hundred of Direct Messages a day, but im going to try it. Heres what im going to say, "Hi Niall, i just needed someone to talk to, and i know the odds of you seeing this are very slim. But i feel better feeling like you might see this, and might reply. But, yeah i love your music, and you and the boys!" I sent the message, and closed my laptop. Now im laying down writing, and listening to music. Tonight i have another meeting, and she's going to be reading my journal, and make sure i have appropriate, good, healthy music. But for now im going to nap, write later. Xx

Present;

"Tess, its time for your counseling session, get up." 

My mom shook me, i crawled out of bed, and looked around. I sighed, i didn't feel the need to wake up every day anymore, its ridiculous. I turned up my ipod and listened to They Dont Know About Us, after getting dressed and ready, i opened up my laptop, and logged onto twitter. I scrolled through twitter, seeing more hate. Lovely. I tried ignoring it, but it didnt work. After 5 minutes i noticed i had a direct message. It was from Niall Horan!  

"Tessa! Lets go!" 

I smiled, and shut the laptop. I grabbed my stuff and ran downstairs. I honestly haven't smiled in forever, and it felt good. I wish i would have been able to read it though. We pulled into the parking lot, and my mom dropped me off. I walked back to the room, and saw Mrs. Tomlinson. 

"Hi!" 

She said with a smile. 

"Come in! Come in!" 

I smiled, and sat down. I handed her my journal, and ipod. She started reading through the journal, she stopped and looked up at me. 

"You like One Direction?" 

I smiled, and nodded my head. 

"Yes, a lot." 

"Did you know Louis was my son?" 

My heart dropped, and my mouth was left wide open.  

"No way! Thats awesome!" 

I smiled even bigger, she explained to me that if i didnt try to commit suicide, and that my thoughts got better, she would allow me to meet the boys! After my counseling, i walked home, my mom was working. I immediately ran to my room, and logged onto twitter. I read the message over, and over. "Hi Tessa! I see everything that my fans send me, and im here if you need to chat love! Xx" I was excited, so happy. I immediately replied. "Well you see, I've had a rough week or two. I've been getting bullied non stop." 

I smiled, then shut the laptop.

Journal;

Soooo, if my thoughts get better and i dont try to kill myself Louis's mom said i could meet the boys! And turns out his mom is my counselor. Its pretty awesome. I havent been thinking a lot about wanting to kill myself today. I have been pretty focused on chatting with Niall back and forth. I dont know if its just me, but i haven't felt cared for in a while. It feels so good.

Present;

"Tessa!" 

My mom shouted, i got up and headed downstairs. 

"What mom?" 

She looked angry with me. What did i do? 

"Why am i getting letters from the school saying that you have been having fucking sex in school!" 

She shouted and waved her hands in my face. 

"I havent?" 

I said, confused on why she even got the letter. Then it hit me, Emma did it. 

"You're actually going to believe that letter over me?" 

My mom stood there, and shrugged her shoulders.  

"What am i supposed to think?" 

She said, i turned around and went upstairs. Grabbing my journal, my bag, and my ipod. Then booked it outside. I couldnt stand this anymore, no one ever believed me, not even my own mother did. A tear slid down my cheek. Why does everyone hate me?

Journal;

I left home today, bringing only my bag, ipod, and journal. I have a schedule for my appointments with the support group, and my counselor. And as for food, i guess im going anorexic. I don't understand why every one hates me, my life is so messed up. I hate my fucking self, i wish i was dead. I dont care if i dont meet the boys because its true, i hate myself. I hate myself so much! I hope you're fucking happy Emma Sterling! I hope you are fucking happy!