[cw for mentions of death/drowning, grief, and pinches of suicidal ideation]
"There's nothing I won't understand."
Those were the words I told him whenever he had a problem. I wanted to make sure he knew I was there for him, no matter what he told me...
...and I really meant that.
I remember the day he told me his secret... something he did over four years ago that still haunts him - wasn't even his fault... anger can really get the better of us. I'd know about that...
...
"They're always gonna stay together."
His face when I told him it was okay, and that I hadn't hated him... I still remember it so well. One of confusion, gratefulness, and... hope...
I wanted to help him realize it wasn't his fault. It was just a mistake, even if it cost a life... he still never meant any harm to anyone. Just- he was twelve when it happened, kids can do dumb stuff... like my sister building towers out of dice.
She's only a bit older than he was at that time...
"But he's just a liar."
...now someday she'll be older than he ever was...
...
A knock on my bedroom door sends me hurling back to reality. My hair's tattered in knots, would've been way worse had it not still always be in a ponytail.
"Hello, dear?" I hear my mother call out from behind the door, while I felt a constant stinging in my eyes from how much I've cried lately. "May I come in?"
"...sure." I replied, my voice shallow, like a lake that's slowly drying out- NO NO STOP STOP IT DON'T REMIND ME OF WHEN HE-
The door creaked open, before she ran over to my side, and hugged me... my arms trembled with the image of that stuck in my mind as I hugged back, starting to tear up for what? The fourth time today?
...everything reminds me of him...
I heard my mother's comforting words, but it felt like it was going through one of those tunnels you'd find in parks, where it could go from one side to another.
...a nice memory. Me and my little sister would do that... littlest one... god I hope she doesn't have to go through what I do... she probably doesn't even know what happened, and I hope it stays that way...
...
Hearing my nickname get called out, I looked back up to see my mother's face, one that I could tell was scared, but trying to hide it... to be honest, I'm scared too for myself.
...I don't want to die. As much as all of this hurts, I don't want to die... but I'm scared I'll stop thinking rationally at one point, and then continue the cycle of moving pain from one to everyone who cares about them...
...
I can't do that to everyone... if I'm suffering this much... who knows how much my family would?
- - -
(
496 words) (OH MY GOD IT HAD FOUR AND NINE THAT'S SO MEAN- /silly)
i got turned into soup over this /silly
I BLAME THE SONGS MY ALCOHOLIC FRIENDS FOR PUSHING ME INTO A FIXATION/POTENTIAL KINSHIFT AND TWO BIRDS FOR MAKING ME THINK OF THIS
anyways i also art, same cw's as above-
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i also had a ghost point a gun at me for this /silly
and was turned into soup
🍲 <-- this is me chat
anyways *disintegrates*
*holding the moon, a rock, a bathtub, the sun, a mountain, a spoon, an elephant, a knife, a globe, a car, a house, a fist, a brick, a bomb, a shower head, a meteorite, and a book* i should hit myself with a mountain and a car for this-
