Officially Blake's

CHAPTER 18

It felt like eternity just finding the right words to say.

I took a deep breath as I realized that Blake had a loose yet secured grip around my wrists. I looked back to him and affection was filling his façade. I still didn’t know what to say. Everything was just so fast that I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t know it was coming. But it still did.  

“It’s ok kung ayaw mo na. Basta patawarin mo lang ako. Yun lang naman ang importante. Kasalanan ko. Hindi ko dapat sinabi sayo yon. I was an asshole. I was a complete jerk. Sinaktan ko si Andrew, and worse, sinaktan kita.”He paused. I was looking at him keenly, waiting for him to say more and apologize more. I really wanted to hear Blake Perez apologize. It was like music to my ears.

“Alam ko na lahat. In fact, si Andrew pa ang nagsabi sa’kin. Alam ko na na ginawa niya lang yon para layuan ka nung lalaking sumusunod sa iyo sa café. Sinabi niya na boyfriend mo siya para layuan ka nung lalaking yon. Naging oa lang ako. ‘Wag kang mag alala, nagpasalamat na ako kay Andrew.” He paused, yet again. 

“Alam ko na din na ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit pumayag si Bart na maglaro ulit ako. And I thank you for that. Hindi mo naman kelangan gawin yon eh.Pero salamat kasi alam mo kung gaano kaimportante sa’kin yon. I appreciate it. I appreciate you. Thank you so much.” 

I was still wearing the same expression as earlier. The same blank expression. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t happy. Guess I was still trying to figure out what to feel.

“Blake... I…I…it’s…because…just…I…it’s…” I faltered. I groaned internally. Great job, Nicolle! Keep stuttering. Keep ruining the perfect freaking moment!

Blake suddenly let go of my hand and removed my glasses. He smiled.

“Ok lang Amgirl. Hindi mo naman kelangan pilitin eh. Ok lang kung sawa ka na sa’kin. Ok lang na friends na lang tayo, kung yun ang gusto mo. Naiintindihan ko naman eh. Mabait naman ako eh.saka…”

Seriously, being all cocky in a serious situation? Trust Blake Perez with that.

“Saka ano… Amgirl…”

This guy is talking too much and I was starting to hate it! Why doesn’t he just go straight to the point and stop beating around the bush?!

To shut him up, I hugged him. It was so sudden. He was shocked that he almost lost his balance and fell on the floor. I don’t wanna hear him say that it’s okay that we’re just friends. Because the truth is, it’s not okay. I’ll forgive him over and over again if that means I’ll have him. If that means, we’re going to be back together. Stupid, right? I’m contradicting myself. But I guess that’s the way it is. You’ll go crazy, you’ll go insane, ridiculous and senseless; you’ll lose your mind when you fall in love. And I’m beginning to.

Cheesy, I know. 

It was something that I never thought I would admit t myself. Fuck my life, right? A moronic grin stretched across my face as tears started to well up. He hugged me back, wrapping his arms around my waist. It was one of the best feelings in the world… having to hug someone who mattered to you. Having to hug someone after a long time of just trying to forget him. One week without him was rough. It felt like eternity.

Really, really cheesy.

“Please, shut up Blake! You really think I’m gonna let us just be friends, huh? You’re so stupid sometimes, you know that?! I like you too, Blake! You stupid freaking dense asshole! I like you!”

I gripped the back of his jersey pressing my whole body against him, not minding if he was all sweaty. He still smelled good anyways. I let out a breath. I could have said ‘I love you’, but I don’t want to scare him away. He was not yet fully ready. He was just half ready for a serious long term relationship just like Tracy and he had. And I understand that. We just need to take everything slowly. We just need to take everything step by step.