. d r a f t . e i g h t .

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"I have so much I want to say to you and yet nothing to say at all."

***

I started reading this book the other day, and like most things, I'm reminded all too easily of the memories you were once apart of

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I started reading this book the other day,
and like most things,
I'm reminded all too easily
of the memories you were once apart of.

. it frustrates me .

I wish I never had to
feel all the pain I do,
and yet,
the pain is all I have left of you.

I try to keep myself distracted with work,
but that doesn't always work.

I know if I don't keep trying,
if I let myself
shed, a single measly tear,
grenades of emotions
that I've tried to keep contained,
will blow up.

Not that I haven't walked
through a minefield of events
already,
to last me a lifetime.

That's why I'm writing to you instead,
to get my feelings out,
I know keeping emotions
bottled up, isn't healthy.

But I also know
that if I don't stay busy,
and give myself a break,
like so many of my teachers tell me to,
the feelings I have
will inevitably eat me up inside.

I'll end up becoming

a walking skeleton, twisted inside out.

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//I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Maoiel , because without her i would've given up on writing a long, long time ago. Thank you for being one of my biggest inspirations and supporters and for believing that I was capable even when I felt most unable. 💕//

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