Through Him I See

Chapter 13

She felt his calloused hand on her cheek and sighed.

“Hey are you okay?”  He asked quietly; as he gently ran his thumb over her cheek.

She closed her eyes willing the tears to disappear; she cleared her throat and shook her head, “Of course I am fine. I just- I, my ribs are just hurting a lot.” She hated that she had to lie, but what else could she tell him? Oh yeah, I was just feeling sorry for myself because I will never get to date you.  She had a feeling that wouldn’t go so well.  

His removed his hand from her face and stood up, “Let me go get you some pain meds, your mom left some instructions with them.”

“No Jake its fine, really!” she waved her hand insistently.

Jakob stopped and stared at her intently, “Rachel, are you kidding? You were just sitting here crying because you are in pain! Just let me get you some pain meds.” He searched her face for any reason of why she didn’t want him to get her the medicine.

Rachel hung her head and groaned, “I don’t want you to have to deal with it. Just sit down and wait until my mom gets here. She knows exactly what she should get me anyway.” It wasn’t that she was so adamant about taking the pain killers. She just didn’t want to take pain killers when it wasn’t necessary.

Jakob sighed, “What is wrong with me just getting the medicine? Your mom left instructions anyway, just in case you needed them. Like now.”

“Gosh Jakob! You’re so stubborn! I said I was fine alright?” Rachel’s voice came out louder and harsher then she intended for it to. He should not have been arguing with her!

He is doing it because he cares Rachel. She ignored the annoying voice in her head. If he really cared he would just listen to her and not try to be so impossible.

“Fine have it your way.” His voice was quiet and defeated. It made Rachel’s heart drop a little. She quickly pushed it aside as she leaned back and closed her eyes; hoping that he would see she was not in the mood to talk anymore.

                                                                                     ♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

Jakob looked over at Rachel. Her eyes were shut tightly, as if she was faking sleep. He didn’t understand why she was so against him getting her medicine? Did she really not trust him enough for him to give her medicine? Or was it another issue, one that had nothing to do with the medicine?

He placed his head in his hands wearily. He needed to be as patient as he possibly could with her. She was strong on the outside, yet seemed so weak and fragile on the inside. The last thing he needed was to be the one who eventually broke her. He wanted more than anything to be the one who kept her together; to be the one who kept her from breaking. He would do anything in his power to hold her up.

“Penny for your thoughts?” August whispered from across the room. Jakob jumped and sent a glare at the amused August.

“I was just thinking about life.” He stared blankly at the cherry wood floor beneath him.

August smiled knowingly and tilted his head towards Rachel, “Life huh?”

“Yes August, life.” He muttered sarcastically, “You really can be a pain in the butt you know that?”

August shoulder shook with silent laughter, “I do my best”

The bantering was quickly interrupted as Janette came through the front door, grocery bags in hand. “Hello boys,” she exclaimed loudly before noticing the still form of Rachel. She bit her lip and lowered her voice, “There are lots of bags that are dying to be carried by two strong men.”

August gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before heading out the door towards her car. Jakob walked over to her and smiled.

“How is she Jake?” Janette asked; her pale blue eyes expressing concern.

Jakob smiled lightly and placed a hand on her shoulder, “She seems to be doing really good.”

Janette searched his face, “Really Jakob, how is she really?”

Jakob sighed in defeat, “She refused to take medicine from me. She was crying and she said it was from the pain in her ribs but she refused the medicine! I don’t know what I have done wrong, why she doesn’t trust me.”

Janette reached for his hand and grasped it lovingly, “I don’t think it is you Jakob. Rachel has spent her whole life striving to be strong for others. Even when William passed away, she was the one comforting other people. Her own father passed away and she held others while they cried! This is her way of grieving Jakob; we need to just let her grieve a little bit.”

Jakob closed his eyes and exhaled, “I understand. Thank you Janette.”

Janette smiled widely and patted his back, “Your welcome honey. Now those bags aren’t going to go get themselves! Chop-chop!”

 Jakob chuckled as he jotted outside. Janette’s words circled around freshly in his head. Her own father passed away and she held others while they cried.

 Where was he when William had died?His racked his mind as he filled his arms with plastic bags.  He passed away at least two years ago. Memories of the funeral filled his mind. People dressed in black, sorrow filled faces. Rachel wore a long black lace dress; her blonde hair was curled delicately around her face.  He remembered people had gone up to her giving her long hugs and expressing how sorry they were for the loss. He had just stood there awkwardly in the back, his suit made him claustrophobic and eager to leave. He remembered how uncomfortable he had been.

He wasn’t there for her. He shook his head in disbelief; he had never been there for her. He had left immediately that day; to do what? To party, to guzzle down cold beers and flirt with any girl that looked his way.  

Jakobs chest clenched tightly and he suddenly felt as if he couldn’t breath. His palms became sweaty making it almost impossible to grip the grocery bags. He set the bags down on the counter heavily and met Janette’s confused look.

“Are you okay Jakob?”

He nodded quickly, “Yeah I am fine. Is that all you need? We really should get going.” His voice sounded breathless and strained.

“Oh yes, of course! Thank you boys! Make sure you come and visit soon, I know Rachel really enjoys your company.”

August smiled and hugged Janette tightly before following after Jakob, “Dude, what’s the matter?” he asked once they got outside.

Jakob ran his hand over his freshly shaved head, “Nothing, okay? Can you just take me to my apartment first?”

August hoped into the driver’s seat and studied his older brother’s face. He asked no questions though as he drove silently towards Jakobs’ apartment.

Jakob leaned back into his seat and closed his eyes. Something was wrong with him, yet he had no idea what? He probably was just in need of a beer.  August dropped him at his house and the two parted ways. Jakob walked into his kitchen and reached for a beer out of his fridge. He finished it with a satisfied sigh.

Yet the sinking feeling in his stomach ceased to go away. It was a feeling he hardly ever felt, one that was almost convicting. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N I just want to say you guys are my biggest motivation! It brings tears to my eyes as I read all of your sweet comments! Seriously you all are the best! If it werent for your sweet comments I probably would not be as motivated to write. So thank you guys! Keep it up:)

I wanted to take this time just talk about what has happened in Boston. I was watching news footage for the first time and couldn't help but cry at the chaos and horror it brought. I can only imagine what the people there have had to go through! My prayers are out for the people of Boston, for all those who have had to go through this terrible tragedy.