-^* Are we clear? *^- | Haobin

-^* final memory ^*-

The next day I picked up Hao from his accommodation. He seemed much happier. He explained to me the same thing that Gyuvin had told me, that between them they had sorted the entire thing out. I was so grateful, I was indeed thankful it was Gyuvin. If I had to be in such a situation, there was no one better it could have been. Gyuvin was so kind, so understanding. He had too much love to give and I was so thankful for that.

My mum and dad drove us to my grandparents house. The drive was long, but Hao and I slept the entire way. We must have been exhausted after such an eventful evening the day before.

"We're here boys, come on~" my mum woke us gently.

We headed inside the block of flats, up the lift to the fifth floor where my grandparents lived.
"I don't know how you use that lift, mum, I had to get Hanbin to figure out the buttons for me..." my mum laughed as she set down a basket of fruit on the kitchen counter.
"There's a very kind boy next door who taught me how to use it, anyway, sit down the food will get cold." She added.
We all sat around the table which was littered with dishes her and my grandfather had prepared for us. Hao seemed nervous, his hands crossed in his lap as he sat up straight. I smiled at him and turned to the table.
"Grandma, grandpa, this is Zhang Hao, the Chinese exchange student from my school that mum told you about." I explained.
"Ah yes the handsome one, it's very nice to meet you. I've heard you've been a good friend of Hanbin's,"
Hao glanced at me with confusion in his eyes and turned back to my grandfather with a smile.
"Yeah, we're been close since I joined school, Hanbin has looked after me well."
"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed Korea. You're going back to China after exams then I suppose?"
He nodded.
"It'll be a shame for Hanbin losing such a lovely friend, you'll stay in touch over the internet though?"

He seemed annoyed at me. I wasn't too sure why, I thought we'd fixed all of the issues we had now, I thought everything was fine.

Then I realised, the one thing that was weighing on me. The issue that my mother and I had argued about before we had picked up Hao.

I couldn't go to China.

She insisted, she couldn't let me go. Especially with Grandma's deteriorating health, it wasn't the time to tell her either. Mum had made it very clear to me that I wasn't going to be going, and that I could not tell my grandparents. Not today at least.

That must be what was bothering him.

After our meal, I took Hao out to the stair well to talk alone without the change of anyone hearing us.
I shut the heavy fire escape door and turned around.
"Hao I'm sorry- it's not what you think-"
"It's selfish. That's what it is Hanbin. You promised we would go to China together. You said you would tell them, today, and you completely left me in the dark. Especially after all the stuff we've been through over the last couple of days you would've at least told me. You could've told me last night when I was crying into your chest that you couldn't do it anymore. But no, you just sat there whilst they talked to me as if it was the first and last time they'd ever see me. It fucking hurt..."
I stared at him, the sudden outburst making me slightly frustrated. After I'd been shouted at by my mother about the whole thing just this morning, I was so annoyed. It felt like I was in an impossible situation trying to please everyone.
"Aren't you being dramatic?" Whether I want to go with you or not is my business, don't bring my family into it."
I regretted saying it as soon as it came out of my mouth, and yet, my frustration kept building up.
"Are you serious? You made so many promises to me, I told you everything, I was so honest and all you've done is lie to my face. Yuxuan was right about you..."
"Lied? I never lied. There was things I didn't tell you but-"
"You said they knew...about us...you said they all did and I- I had to sit there whilst they told me how good of a friend I was to you..."
I stood there, feeling the guilt rising within me. He was right, I had lied. I didn't mean to lie, in fact I did plan on telling them right before we got there but every time I wanted to tell them something got in the way. Grandma's doctors visits, news about her condition. I couldn't bring myself to do it.
I stepped forward to hug him as a tear rolled down his face.
"Go away. I don't wanna hug you right now-"
As our bodies touched, he shoved me away forcefully. I don't think he meant to shove me that hard, and I don't think he realised how close we were to the edge of the stairs. I watched his expression change as I stumbled back, his anger vanished. His eyes widened, he shouted my name and lunged forwards but he was too late. I felt myself slip from the step as his arm reached out, pulling my cardigan off my arm. His arm couldn't catch me.

6 months later...

GYUVIN POV:
Hanbin had vanished off of the face of the planet after that accident he had. I blamed myself, thinking he'd been so upset about the situation with me that he'd hurt himself and gone into hiding or something since he couldn't dance anymore. But, when I saw Hao again for the first time I knew it was more than that.

Hao was gone not long after, he disappeared too, taking that other Chinese transfer with him.

I spent a lot of time alone, practicing my dancing until my body gave out. Maybe Hanbin and Hao had broken up all because of me...

I spent long nights awake thinking about it. It haunted me.

That was, until I took a trip to a coffee shop near to school. It was newly renovated, much nicer now than it had been. I decided to pay a visit to get some studying done.
I walked in to the thick aroma of coffee and the quiet sound of the machines shuddering.
As I stood at the counter waiting to order, a figure approached the counter, shorter than me with dark brown hair. As he met my eye with a soft smile, my heart sank.
"Hyung-"
"Hey, what can I get for you?"
He spoke to me like we'd never met before. What was that indifference in his eyes? He seemed too kind. Was there no resentment towards me? This didn't seem like the Hanbin I knew...
He was too mellow.
"An iced americano please..."
"Great choice I'll just-"
"Hanbin do you-...are you okay?"
He blinked at me with confusion.
"Do I know you?" He asked as his eyes glanced down to my uniform, "ah-I went to the same high school! Is that why? What year are you in?"

This wasn't right. What happened to Hanbin...

"Is this Matthew?"
"Uhm yes...who is this?" The phone echoed as I sat in my room, the darkness engulfing my body.
"Kim Gyuvin, from school."
"Gyuvin? Ahh, from dance- um- what- what do you want?" He chirped.
I'd only spoken to Matthew a handful of times in high school, but I knew him in the dance club that Hanbin and I were in together. I had his number from the groupchat that we had. These days he was studying hard for exams, and had left the club to focus.
"What happened to Hanbin- I ran into him today- uh, he doesn't seem quite right if I'm being honest..." I asked him, eager for some sort of explanation.
"Hanbin...he uh- doesn't remember much of high school anymore..."
"What do you mean?" I asked as my hands became shaky.

"Just pretend like nothing happened. Whatever went on with Hanbin in his last year of high school is in the past. You should just move on from it. You can be his friend...just don't talk about high school..."

So that's exactly what I did. I never once mentioned our last year of high school to Hanbin.   I remained his friend, visiting the cafe as frequently as I could.

I missed seeing him, but the person I knew was not the person he was anymore. There were similarities, but the Hanbin I knew talked a great deal more about Zhang Hao. That name was something that Hanbin, since I'd known him again, had never once mentioned.

But we saw him once.

I was sat at the cafe with Hanbin, he was helping me with my homework on his break late at night. It was just over one year since our situation by then. Hanbin was dating a guy who worked at Matthew's gym. We were chatting about the troubles they were having in their relationship and I spotted him.
He stood across the street, a suitcase at his side. He was pale, he looked ill. He stared at me, I stared back. Eventually Hanbin turned around and spotted him.
"Who's that? Do you know him?"

Maybe it was just too dark. I looked at Hanbin sadly.

"No one, don't worry."

We continued doing my homework, and I watched as Hao slowly walked away.

Poor Hanbin
I thought.

I hope they find each other again one day...